Expedition of a Lifetime
by thebeccac
Summary: That one catastrophic expedition had an effect on everyone. Levi Ackerman also; not only had he lost his trusted squad during the 57th expedition beyond the walls, but also his beloved wife. [Levi x OC, rated T-M for future chapters]
1. Prologue

_Oh, hello there. My name is Kirsten and I am a horrible author who keeps unpublishing this fanfiction. :)_

 _Worry not though. I pinky promise (the promises I take the most seriously, mind you) never to unpublish it again. I am in the process of adding in more chapters to this fanfiction as it was hastily done multiple times. The reader/OC was weak, poorly constructed and lacked in depth. I may have to throw in a few more angsty chapters at the beginning, hence why I have only published this introduction again. I am not using this as an excuse to make this fanfiction a shit-show by having drama EVERYWHERE. But in SnK, their world is a little bit of a train wreck already, so extra angst wouldn't be anything out of the ordinary._

 _I am keeping my original plot, those who remember what I was writing about regarding the reader's shifty family in future chapters. I am filling in stuff in her past more, life before the Survey-con-Regiment Corps Legion (haha, ignore my stupid jokes pls) to add more depth, flair - if you will - and gonna try cut out all of the confusing time skips. In other news, I was admitted to my music school in August, so I can tell you now as a violin performance major, it's tougher than what you think and I can't promise to update weekly like the good authors here..._

 _And without further ado, here is my fanfiction, republished for the second time._

 _One final note: the OC's name is pronounced like Blaw-heen (it's Irish for little flower)_

 _._

.

I met a man who lost his sun,

His life was now bleak and his vision became numb

The Survey Corps had returned from the 57th expedition a day or two ago.

Nobody kept count because nobody dared to speak of that catastrophe of an expedition. Why would they anyway? Who in their right mind would want a recollection of such events?

It was midday, and some people were just lounging around HQ, just being idle. Of course, they were recovering, be it physically, emotionally or mentally.

Levi was in his office. He overslept. Yes, being a corporal had its (few) perks, but staying up all night to do paperwork certainly wasn't one of them.

White rays of sunlight poured through the cirrus clouds, and was beating down through the window. It was blinding. There were birds chirping some merry, whimsical song. There was a small breeze, along with a bit of laughter from the Mess Hall. It was bliss.

That, or...it was stark contrast as to what they had just seen, so to speak.

In his sleep, Levi was tapping his quill against his wooden desk like a woodpecker. Sounds of bustling footsteps roamed the corridor resulting in him to wake up abruptly, but groggily. He stirred around a bit before sitting up straight. His eyes darted from left to right, taking in his surroundings and recalling where he was last. Ah, my office...The bane of my life if you take out the titans, he grumbled.

He pushed his chair back, and made his way over to the couch in his room, of which had another pile of paperwork. But alas, being exhausted and being distracted by the amount of paperwork he had been doing, he forgot about his broken ankle.

"Ugh, Bláithín? Can you help me, please?" he called out, keeping his foot hovering above the ground. "Shit..." he grunted as he put pressure on it.

He lifted his foot a few millimeters above the ground and hopped over to the couch. In transit to the couch, there was knock on the door. Levi stopped, extending one leg out while standing on the other to make sure he wouldn't bash it off anything else.

"Levi." Erwin called from outside his office, reminding him to do paperwork.

"I know, I know." He grunted in response. He bent down and picked up the pile of paperwork. He was being asocial enough as it was and decided to limp out to the Mess Hall to join the others.

Upon arrival, he sat down on the setter. He took out his quill and began to flick through the paperwork as time dragged on. He was going through the death toll, the living soldiers, the injuries sustained and other boring details. After around half an hour or so, he was greeted by Erwin, Hange and Mike. After doing a headcount, he concluded that someone was missing.

"Where's Bláithín?" he asked them, a bit bewildered.

A man who had seen so much,

A man who was so brave,

Once I saw him, I knew he had to be saved

Bláithín Hahn was a squad leader. A very well-known and powerful soldier of the Survey Corps. She was very well known for her use of the 3D Maneuver Gear. She was a Lance Corporal just like Levi. There were many notable things to say about her. Her being a good soldier, Squad Leader, Corporal, but also, how she managed to maintain a very committed relationship with Levi.

Mike, Erwin and Hange looked at each other. Hange's lips parted in disbelief and adjusted her glasses trying to lay off the subject, and glanced at Erwin. Mike looked at the Commander and Squad Leader and then averted his eyes to Levi, before sniffing the room. "Tch," was all he could say and then glanced at Erwin once more.

Erwin sighed knowing he'd have to be the one to give the news. Words would not be appropriate, especially since Levi's concern only doubled with every passing second.

He simply slid a document being held together in a binder down the table. Levi corked a brow at his superior's actions, but read the cover of the document:

 **Name:** Corporal Bláithín Hahn

 **Age** : 24

 **Affiliation:** Survey Corps

 **Occupation:** Lance Corporal and Squad Leader

 **Status:** [Deceased]

 **Cause:** N/A

"Levi," Erwin began, "it's more than reasonable to assume she is dead. Nobody saw how she died. She lost her parents long before the fall of Wall Maria, so there's no point in telling anybody anything, even if she does have family or friends. She has nothing in her will or-"

Levi balled hands into fists. "...No," was all Levi murmur, his voice cracking. "No, no, no! Sh-She...she couldn't have died..."

Every fibre of Levi's being was aching, the only evidence was the quiver in his voice on the word 'she'. He could feel his resolve falling brittle, already, his eyes welling.

"Levi, I know you're obviously upset, but you just have to-" Hange tried to say. Levi simply had to inhale sharply to make her shut up.

"If anyone needs me, don't - unless urgent, in which case I'll be in my office." he stated simply, and got up. "I want to be alone..."

"Levi, wait, we can-!" Hange called out.

 _"S-shut up..._ " he replied hastily, practically ignoring her and everyone else in the Mess Hall. He ignored the stares coming from his subordinates. Obviously his downcast eyes and his hooded face was not a pleasant sight to behold.

Once in his office, he slammed the door shut and locked it. His eyes remained tightly shut. He limped over to his desk, and sat down.

He lounged back and covered his eyes as a few tears threatened to make themselves known. He inhaled and exhaled deeply. He removed his locked fingers from his gaze when a twinkle caught his eye.

He lowered his hand and stared at it for a few moments before he just felt like something inside him cracked.

It was the most valuable and treasured thing he ever owned. It glimmered in the sunlight, so too his tears, which eventually turned into silent yet uncontrollable sobs.

"Bláithín..why y-you of all people..?" he hiccuped as he fiddled with the golden band on his finger

A man who had seen too much,

Whose mind was corrupt,

And his hopes and dreams shattered,

It was all so abrupt

(Crappy poetry attempted by yours truly)


	2. The Letter

_Me? Strong? No... hardly... I'm only a weak, feeble little girl who has had everything suddenly robbed._

 _I am a victim of circumstance and I feel like this has ruined me..._

 _Be strong, be strong, be strong.._

 _._

 _._

 _._

Bláithín sat alone on the sitting room, doing homework. Living in Sine, she was privileged enough to go to school. She was fortunate enough to be able to read and write, compared to others in Rose and Maria where literacy rates paled in comparison. Though, with the Titans still haunting their way of life, there was a limit on what they could learn; whatever they learned came from inside the Walls. Just like anyone else, what lived outside the walls was a total mystery.

A little chortle came into hearing range and Bláithín snapped her head around and saw her younger sister, Elise, coming in.

"Ah, hi!" the elder sister beamed, though not taking her head away from her book.

"Can you play with me now? I couldn't play undercover agents without you..." her sister moped. "Whaddya reading there anyway?"

Bláithín corked a brow as she stared down at her sister. She ruffled her hair affectionately as she remembered. "I don't think I've played that with you since I was like ten." She murmured, scratching her blonde head of hair.

"Ah, whatever...Why are you reading anyway? You sounded all high and mighty recently when you said you wanted to join the Survey Corps." Her sister pointed out.

Bláithín pursed her lips into a tight line. True, if one wanted to join the Survey Corps, they'd want to be somewhat built, or at least fit. Bláithín was more of the studious side, at the moment. Her parents, both leading soldiers in the Scout Regiment, taught her the very basics, but she was completely inexperienced with the gears and whatnot.

"Maybe I'm a 'late bloomer' or something," she chimed. "I'm in no rush to join it. I'll join to honour them and stereotypical and generic shit like that..." And of course, saying the word 'shit' caused her sister to erupt in a fit of giggles. "Oh, grow up..."

"You stop being so grown up, it's annoying. And stop being sarcastic too, I can't tell if it is sarcasm or not."

"It's not sarcasm if it's pure honesty." She muttered, before tackling into her sister but quickly resumed to her reading.

Bláithín continued to scribble away at some things on her notebook while Elise ambled up the stairs, dangerously hanging and sliding up and down the banister. It creaked loudly, loud enough for Bláithín to hear it and bitterly chastise her for it.

That was how a normal day was spent. Elise would play with Bláithín, and vice versa. It was happy and peaceful like this.

This would have been a typical day in the life of those who were of nobility or were fortunate enough to live in Mitras. It was so peaceful. Access to everything; top quality food, education, the finest clothes.

It felt so bizarrely peaceful.

(Sometime later)

The postman came.

Once again, [F/n] sat alone. Her bedroom windows were closed and the curtains were drawn shut. Her salty, almost corrosive tears streamed down her face and dappled the crumpled up piece of paper. There was a persistent, acidic burn in her stomach. The dull throbbing of her heart, the warm salty tears streaming down her puffy cheeks... It was like her tears were making a permanent burn into her face, as though she was constantly reminded of the letter she just read.

There was a burning fury in her chest that raged like a forest fire. There was rage that Titans determined their fate, ultimately, but deep, deep down, there was a girl who was very hurt.

The tears reminded her that there was no need to pinch herself; this was real and this was irreversible.

"Bláithín! Come out, please~!" her sister sang. "You were just running around and playing with me a few seconds ago..."[

Bláithín choked back a strangled sob that felt as though it was lodged in her trachea. Her sister's voice spoke of naivety, happiness and rainbows and unicorns...

Bláithín knew this day was going to come... but she wasn't expecting it to be this soon, nor was she expecting herself to be so young. She was hoping she'd be older and know how to deal with these heavy emotions if this day did come.

Unfortunately, that time in her life never came.

Dead is dead; she knew full well. But her parents never taught her how to cope, nor did her estranged uncle.

Her parents were the first exceptionally dear people she lost. She didn't know her grandparents, and she didn't have any other uncles or aunts.

A mewl from behind the door caused her head to snap up. Elise had opened up the door anyway.

The eight year old, not even taking a moment to cast a glance at her sister's complexion beamed, "Mom and Dad are coming home tomorrow, aren't they? I'm so excited!"

Her older sister sidled down from her bed sluggishly and walked over to her sister. Gripping her forearm, she shoved her out of her room and slammed the door shut.

Regret.

That was what she felt instantly after doing that. Her sister was nothing but a ray of sunshine, always sought happiness no matter what. She was a tough ten year old and had managed to fight through many difficulties. For example, when their parents were gone for a few months at a time, she would fight through it.

This letter... Bláithín was always was happy, chivalrous and warm around her loved ones, she could cope when her parents were gone for long periods... but this letter was the one thing that broke had slammed into her far too soon. It pained her so much.

She slumped up against the door before falling into a heap, clutching the letter, and had a strong desire to tear it to shreds as if it would erase the past.

Her promise to herself was that when her parents died and or when she was twelve, she would join the Training Corps.

She wasn't so sure now.

If she was sure of one thing, it would be that she needed a bit of fresh air. She opened up the door again and traipsed down the stairs. She quickly slipped out the door, closing it before walking out into the spacious garden.

To a soldier, receiving another letter like that, they would act as though it was as innocuous as trampled flowers, but it's not like they were slowly falling apart. But to her, the way she thought and had suddenly snapped.

The naivety, the innocence, the sugar-coated, fake thoughts...were simply flushed from her system in those few seconds. When her parents came back with smiles on their faces, happy to see their children again...what was behind those smiles...?

Anxiety? Fear? Sadness?

How many times had they come back and forced a smile upon their face when their infants were squealing with joy to see them when they've just been through hell?

Almost like a mime in a box, they were acting.

Bláithín, only realizing it now, was one of them.

She was naïve and oblivious to deaths going on around her, she never stopped to think about what was actually happening.

She now knew that her parents could have much sooner. She now realized they could have easily come back missing a limb.

If only she had learned how to deal with her emotions. She couldn't muster up any decency or control to look her sister in the eye when she walked into her room before and say, "No, you're wrong... Mother and Father aren't returning..." before tossing the letter on the ground for her sister to read.

 _To whom it may concern,_

 _As of our most previous expedition, we are sorry to say that both Mr. and Mrs. Hahn have died. We offer you our condolences._

 _Whatever possessions that have been left behind shall be sent on. Their children, Bláithín and Elise Hahn, are now the rightful owners,_

 _Yours faithfully,_

 _11th Commander of the Scout Regiment._

* * *

 _I would like to clarify the following:_

 _\- that there are spoilers EVERYWHERE in the story. Well, not everywhere, but I am taking elements of the most recent manga chapters (chapters 86 - 110 to be absolutely specific.) Also taking spoilers from A Choice With No Regrets later on, too._

 _See ya_


	3. Dinner

_In life, you can't always get what you want._

To Bláíthín, it was odd hearing that, accepting that, for the first time. She was raised as a noble child, an addition to one of the most powerful lineages in Mitras.

Up until now, her life was planned, set in stone. She always knew her next step. That being, securing a place in a leading grammar school and acquiring the finest education as possible. Then, leaving school and meeting her suitors; noble children were often married off to improve prosperity for both families involved. Her role would then shift to being a mother and housewife.

Everything was calculated and decided for her. She accepted this.

Knowing that her parents would no longer be behind her though made her realize the futility of promises, swears and oaths. All this time, such were concrete statements of the absolute truth. It was all so utterly unfair to have your world crash around you.

Bláíthín cast a glance over to Elise and then to the butler who had prepared dinner.

"Dinner this evening," he stated with bright smile on his face, hoping food may make the girls budge an inch. He knew what had happened but assumed it would have been better to be oblivious to what had just transpired.

He laid the table for them with a light salad followed by a delicious edelfisk, served in a peppery sauce. Last up came the bread, both white and brown, warm and fresh. He stood up straight once he left the platters on the table and bowed to the two girls.

How pathetic, he thought to himself, they both just lost their parents and their uncle won't even join them for dinner.

Elise looked at her dinner before her. There was no point in keeping her in the dark about what had happened and unfortunately, she found out equally as abruptly as Bláíthín.

"Elise, y-you... you need to eat."

It took a lot out of Bláíthín for her to even say that. She tried blinking away her tears. She wasn't emotionally prepared to stomach this by any means, but she felt a great sense of duty within her to nurture Elise. To take care of her.

 _To protect her._

Bláíthín was no _mother_ though. She was far too young to assume such a role yet. Sure, she protected her from Sven when he was angry at them, taking her punishments for her instead. Or she'd sneak out after school was finished and bought delicious food from the near-by bakery. She figured that when duty called... _she figured she'd have to be doing the right thing._

Bláíthín could see the tears welling in her eyes until they spilled, and she let go of her strained and stifled emotions, crying unabashedly. Bláíthín's heart tore at the very sight of her sister crying. If Bláíthín wasn't able to process death like this, it was surely much harder for an eight year old.

It was in this angle or lighting that something suddenly dawned on Bláíthín. Elise didn't look an awful lot like her older sister. In fact, they seemed to be friends more so than any type of blood relation between them. They had the same hair colour and same personality as their beloved mother, but that was all.

It was a very long night. They both retired to their rooms without uttering a word to each other, though the two sisters hugged each other very briefly before she tried to put their own minds at ease.

Though it was far from a peaceful night. Halfway through the night, there was a banging on her door.

.

.

Bláíthín awoke with a fright and gripped her bed covers. To be fair, she wasn't exactly sleeping well to begin with. She leaped out of bed and was going to make her way towards the door when her uncle burst through. Bláíthín wasn't too pleased to see him when he refused to acknowledge her and Elise's suffering earlier on today. But in all honesty, in the dim light from the hallway, she could see he didn't seem to be grieving in anyway; if anything, he seemed to be in a state of panic.

"Uncle... w-what's going on?"

He grabbed her arm and rushed her down the stairs. "You need to leave. I cannot explain. There is a carriage outside, waiting to take you to Shiganshina."

Bláíthín was lacking the sense of urgency that he had.

 _Just why on earth would she have to go to Shiganshina?_

She was just dressed in a pastel blue night-gown and slippers. She wasn't equipped to leave her own home in the middle of the night. She halted dead in her tracks, which her uncle wasn't too impressed with.

"W-why... must I go there, Uncle?" she asked, her voice in a whisper. "Is Elise coming with me?"

Sven continued to push her out the door against her will. It seemed as though he couldn't care less. "I can't explain right now." He continued to tug her along with him out into the garden and beyond the metal gates. He held her hand as she stepped into the carriage.

She shook her head frantically, tears welling in her eyes. Hadn't she cried enough today?

"Why am I going to Shiganshina?! I can't live there by myself! Why can't you come-"

"Sven, shut her up, will you? She's giving me a headache!" shouted one of the men at the front.

Sven looked at his pocket watch and pushed her into the carriage and quickly shut the door behind her. Bláíthín balled her hands into fists and pounded on the window, begging to be freed. She cried and pleaded with her uncle, who looked totally unsympathetic the whole time. She could hear the thumping of her heart that pounded like a jackhammer; she could feel the burning, salty tears trail down her cheeks. Her senses had now been amplified tenfold, her tears so hot they would leave burn marks in their tracks reminding her of her defeat in this situation.

 _Defeat._

 _I'm so... helpless, she said to herself. Why is this happening to me?_

She was being stripped away of everything she loved. Elise, her care-free and loving sister and always played pranks on her. Her friends from her grammar school, who comforted her when she longed to see her. And above all, her parents themselves; when they were so tired after the expeditions they partook as part of their career of Survey Corps veterans... they always made it within their best interest to reunite with their daughters and take care of them as though they never had left in the first place.

She sat on the seats in the carriage in utter defeat once the horses began to move. She buried her head in her hands and continued to sob.

This world is just so... _tainted_ and _unfair_ , for nearly everyone squashed behind these cramped walls.

She was so tired. Not physically, but emotionally. She wasn't planning on going to sleep. She exhaled heavily and wiped her eyes. It was in that moment that she decided she wasn't going down, not like this. She wasn't going to be placed in another situation of unfamiliarity. How would she even fend for herself in Shiganshina?

An hour later, the horses stopped moving. She peered out the window and saw that the men had stopped outside of a bar. The bar itself looked somewhat familiar, maybe her parents had gotten something to eat there and took their daughters with them.

 _Okay, so I'm still in Mitras_ , she noted.

She tried opening the door to find out that it was locked shut. She huffed heavily and stared up at the ceiling and noticed the pane of glass on top was open ajar. She stood up on the seat. She was quite tall for her age so she was able to reach. She tipped the pane up to see if would move, unfortunately it didn't. This was her shot of running back home... She was going to do whatever she could.

She took off her shoes that had a slight heel to them and started to hack away at the glass on top. She glass started to shatter like streak lighting across thunderous clouds. From the very slight knowledge she had on self-defense - which really was incredibly slight, mind you - she shielded her thumb with her fingers and punched through the glass. She hissed as shards of glass cut her knuckles, but it was fine. It wasn't as painful as everything that happened today after all...

She pushed herself up and stood on top of the roof of the carriage. She was a tiny bit scared of heights and having to jump from distances, but that didn't matter now. As 'prim and proper' as one might describe her and her lifestyle to date, she held no fear towards doing what needed to be done to ensure benefits of any kind. She closed her eyes and took a leap of faith. She landed on her feet. They hurt but against all odds, she could still walk.

Then, she heard the door to the tavern burst open. Maybe Sven's guards only stopped by for a quick 'top-up'. They yelled in shock upon looking through the carriage window and finding out she wasn't there. One argued that they should be honest and report to Lord Sven as to what happened, but the other clarified they'd probably lose their heads to fail at such an 'easy task.'

And so, they sat on patrol hoping the prodigal daughter would return.

But she didn't.

She wasn't going to.

She had tucked her way inside a stairwell and continued to walk down until darkness enshrouded her vision. She saw what appeared to be candlelight at the end of the stairwell. She ran as fast as her legs could carry her until she approached what appeared to be a city made of mud walls. She had heard rumours of this place, the Underground District, and they appeared to be true. Life down here was far worse than above.

She saw violence against women and children alike, gambling, drugs, drunkards... She saw poverty.

She saw the hungry eyes of older men that looked at her petite frame.

She saw the people struggling to walk, whose legs had broken down due to lack of sunlight and vitamin D.

She saw the children and mothers crying, crying out for a bit of sustenance.

It was far worse than the utter hell she had been going up until now. This was not a place for her... The people down here had known tragedy their whole lives, unlike her. She pivoted around to the entrance she came in only to see a guard stood by the stairwell. He dismissed anyone who didn't have any valid form of citizenship.

What had she done? How could she be so foolish and not watch where she was going?

She continued to walk. She wasn't going to back down, she refused. Though ideally, it would have been a wise idea to try persuade the guards to allow her up, everyone knew Lord Sven after all. The only problem was what was going on above ground... had Sven sent more guards out to search for his niece in every nook and cranny of Mitras? She wouldn't risk it.

Her uncle was a sour man who had conservative ideals and had no problem resorting to violence to get what he wanted or as means of punishment. She was accustomed and familiar with the leather belt and wooden spoon herself. What would happen if she showed herself to the family estate after escaping the carriage he had put her in in the first place? She didn't even want to imagine.

And so, she traveled deeper and deeper into the Underground until her legs gave way and exhaustion seized her mind.

A trio had been walking around at the time, lead by a raven-haired man. Neither of them had been watching where they had been going until said raven-haired stopped the female companion beside him from stepping over the young sleeping girl on the corner of a house.

"Levi-bro, do you know her?"

Levi eyed her precariously and knelt down before her, turning her around to lie on her back. She was wearing a burgundy petite coat and a pastel blue and rather - dare-he-say - shear dress. The family insignia was sewn into the left breast pocket.

"I know of her, Isabel. She's one of those prissy nobles, one of the Hahn family's heirs," he answered. "The question is how could she be so stupid to wander into such a shit-stained district like this."

"How do you know she's a Hahn?" Isabel asked.

"It says it there." He replied, pointing to her breast-pocket where a handkerchief was shoved in.

 _"I wish I was able to read..."_ she spoke under her breath.

Levi eyed her for a few seconds more. He noted her puffy cheeks and the tracks tears left. He noted the bruises on her shoulders that resembled lashes from belts, they seemed recent. He sighed. Even nobles have a hard time? No, surely not, he said to himself.

"If I had to guess... this shitty brat ran away from home, not wanting to be discovered." He hoisted her over his shoulders. "Farlan, tell the guard they may have fresh meat coming." He ordered to the fair-haired lad.

"Why? Where are you taking her?"

"Well, I already have two hungry mouths to feed, don't I? I can't handle a third. I'm certainly no daddy to this spoiled brat," he answered as he started to walk to the stairwell. "Every once in a while, the Military Police collect future recruits for the Cadet Corps. At least if she goes there, she'll have food and a bed to sleep on."

Isabel and Farlan looked at each other before the other male spoke up again. "If that's the case, why can't we go up?"

Levi rolled his eyes and clicked his tongue. "Tch, don't be stupid. We have too much of a reputation down here to ever even dream of going up there. Stop spouting such bullshit, we'll never make it up there."

After a while of walking in silence, the girl was left in the hands of the guard at the post where the stairwell was.

The trio walked away, Levi walking in front as if nothing ever happened...

* * *

PLEASE REVIEW! I'D LOVE TO HEAR SOME FEEDBACK :) (or just someone I can fangirl with about levi)


	4. What Is Normal?

_I know I haven't gotten far into the fanfiction so far yet, but I'd really like to know what you think! If Bláithín seems 'Mary Sue-ish' please bare with it for now until she develops!_

* * *

She woke up in a bed that was not her own. Her eyes were heavy and no desire to get up.

She could hardly remember the day prior's events, her mind so overcome with grief and just utter misery to truly concentrate on just about anything. Surely she didn't end up going to Shiganshina in the end, right?

 _No..._ she remembers walking through somewhere dark. Horrible sights surrounded her; the poverty, the starvation, the stench of a cistern thrown on top of it all was just too gruesome for her to even think back on it.

That was how some people lived though. She always appreciated what she had - that being a bed, education, food to fill her stomach - but never got to get an insight as to how other people lived. She lived her life with everything handed to, everything she may ever need; people in the Underground, or other Wall District-inhabitants, had to survive with what little they had.

How sad, she said to herself. She just threw the chance of a normal life down the drain. Completing her education? Gone. Having kids? Also gone.

A 'normal' life, huh? What about this world was even normal in the first place? People go their whole lives knowing that there is a very high chance their loved ones could be taken from them at a moment's notice, shoved down the putrescent gullets of the Titans that roamed beyond the walls.

That was not normal, far from it. Bláithín's idea of normal was based on what she saw in the books she read as a child.

Every Christmas, her uncle would give her a book or two. He wasn't a very nice man, but he did place importance on education and books were the key source to knowledge in his eyes. He believed knowledge helped better a person. The books were tattered and worn, often meaning they were rather old. She'd inquire where he picked up these books and his answer was always the same: 'from far away', whatever that meant. Occasionally, he presented her with stories, rather than journals; stories - which occasionally contained poems - about love, nature, death, sadness and family.

 _Family._

She had one, most definitely, and she had more of a family than some people in this life. Often times, she associated a family with normalcy. But with very infrequent visits from her parents because of their profession, did she have a normal life?

As per the books: yes, to an extent. Her parents were very loving, her mother in particular. Her mother was always quite shy, as though she had so much to say; you could see it in her eyes after all, her eyes that had seen so much and rained with the pain she had witnessed and experienced. Never would she tell a soul though, with the exclusion of her husband. Regardless, though, she always made sure to spend time with her daughters when she did return from expeditions. She read to them, she would play with them in the garden, cuddle them when they were sad. Above all, she always promised she'd be there for her daughters.

 _"You should know that it's in my best interest to watch you two achieve happiness and your goals."_

Or,

 _"I'll always be around to watch you succeed in life. I promise."_

Bláithín learned what it meant to be a mother in that time and how to approach others and help them. She knew how to tend to injuries and care for the sick.

How to be there for people.

A true mother hen.

How she was able to promise that she would come back, when her life was always on the line? It certainly aroused curiosity within Bláithín.

It was a shame such a promise couldn't be kept.

Her father was very kind and protective. He taught her very basic self-defence if she ever needed it. It took him back to a time where he had only started the Training Corps; a much a simpler time in which he didn't have to fight Titans in it. A time where he didn't have to leave his children behind for months on end. A time where he didn't have to spend days worrying would he see his beloved wife again.

So yes, maybe by the books, she had a normal family life. But she would never understand why her uncle wouldn't accommodate to their needs while their parents weren't around to take care of them. That's what family was for, to look after each other. Her uncle was just never there, period. When he was, he would be stressed from whatever he was working on up in his office, which was strictly off-limits. Elise was there to play with and they had a good bond, but she had friends who she could go out with after school. Bláithín had some friends, but only during school, not to mention that talking during school was met with the corporal punishment.

Maybe she was blessed to have her parents come around, who were both very caring and were wonderful parents, but that was such a rare occasion.

For the first time, she realized that throughout her childhood, she was rather _lonely_.

 _The spirit of her mother would flood through her though… Maybe she could occupy herself with that._

* * *

 _(a few days later, after registration)_

"Hey, you, wake up!"

Bláithín awoke with a fright to find a bespectacled brunette was hovering over her, shaking her by the shoulders. She squinted her eyes and braced the weight to her elbows.

"You don't want to be late for our first day of circuit training." She warned.

"Hange, it's raining outside. Are we really going to be training outside?" All the girls stared up at her in shock for asking such a question. "Was that a… stupid questions?"

"You betcha! Come on, Bláithín. I see this as team-bonding, whaddya say?"

"Okay, fine." Bláithín said hopping out of bed.

She followed Hange down to the Mess Hall to grab something to eat quickly. She was still adjusting to her once glamourous lifestyle to living as a cadet. She knew to accept what came and to be grateful for everything she got but the early mornings were a killer for her.

She sat down after grabbing some fruit, a slice of bread and a pitcher of water. Hange sat down across from her and made conversation. This was Bláithín's forte above all else in life - she was always told to have good table manners especially when she was called to go to banquets for special occasions wherein all the family was invited.

"You were looking so down recently… I suppose a lot would be if they feel homesick though. Where do you come from?"

Bláithín looked up at her and smiled weakly. "I am probably the only one here who is from Mitras. It's such a different lifestyle to what I'm used to, but the sense of community among people who have only been here for a few days… it's very nice. We're hall here for the same reason, or something very similar."

Hange stared at her. "You are definitely a rarer case from what I have heard, but I'm sure humanity would accept new soldiers regardless of their background."

She had a point.

In this new chapter of her life, no one knew her. She didn't have to act like she was eating dinner with her family, she didn't have to make sure she looked like the 'gem' she was often referred to.

 _Sugar and spice,_

 _And **everything** nice._

That is what little girls are made of.

A young lady as she were, she would learn poetry over philosophy. And she would learn embroidery, not self-defence as per what her father taught her. Dancing was for ladies, chess and draughts were a no-no. To be as innocent and as sweet as an angle, that's what it meant to be a lady - these principles were instilled into all young ladies of Mitras.

Now she was free - to an extent - from these patriarchal ideals that were constructed the upper class society. After all, she was here to avenge her parents and feel the freedom they felt. By the walls, she didn't have to keep her silky blonde hair up in a pristinely neat bun anymore!

"We all want to be freed from the oppression of the Titans. I was always a little different…" Hange mused to herself. "I want to learn more about the Titans. My parents don't support me, but every person who helps will make a difference I believe. To be able to go beyond the Walls, stare up at the sky and get lost in it… that is a goal for us all to work for."

The sky, huh?

Imagine what it would be like to fly free from it all. From everything. From orders, from obligations, from life's misery.

 _Fly, fly, fly._

In the Survey Corps, that was what the soldiers did, right? They flew, into war against the titans, but flying through the clean air was certainly far better than living inside the Walls with the decaying spell that enshrouded them.

Bláithín looked behind her when she heard a bell indicating the hour in which cadets could get breakfast had drawn to a close.

* * *

After training was done, the official bedrooms had been assigned. Up until now, it was a matter of finding a bed that was free. Now, bedrooms only had around a maximum of six people per room. You'd often find a few fabric partitions to indicate males and females shared.

Rooms were organised and boarders were assigned as per skill they possessed. Not that the boarders mattered, they were collectively all seen as 'Titan fodder' in the instructors' eyes.

Bláithín walked into her assigned room along with three other soldiers following her. The room was... tiny, but this was expected though. It's not like she had her four-post bed anymore. It smelled of fresh linen, the sheets must have been washed recently. Candles sat on the bed-side lockers for late-night reading.

She slowly made her way over to a bed when she heard someone tall approach her.

"Can I help you?" she asked before turning around on her heel. Her jaw dropped when the taller and seemingly older male leaned down and inhaled some whatever scent he could get from her. "A-ah-!"

"Mike. Don't do that," Hange chided before she sat down on a bed opposite to Bláithín. "That's Mike by the way."

"That's Hange, by the way," the tall male said, perfectly imitating her voice.

Bláithín could only watch with a corked a brow, shaking her head a small bit. She scanned the room before seeing another tall male turning them on. Upon feeling her rather supple gaze boring into the back of him, he turned around on his heel.

"Ah, hi," he breathed, a mere crack of a smile plastering over his lips. "The name's Erwin, Erwin Smith." The blond male introduced.

Bláithín nodded before averting her eyes all the while rubbing her forearm. She heaved a sigh as she watched Hange and Mike squabble over something...frivolous most likely. She gazed back, and up, at Erwin again. "Hi, it's Bláithín Hahn..Do they fight often or-?"

"No, well, yes, but they get along, believe me," he assured. Erwin wordlessly excused himself and separated the two from each other, ignoring Hange's 'but he started it!'

Bláithín's lips quivered, brows arched in bewilderment. The sight of two people fighting so rambunctiously was so foreign to her. It was like a culture-shock within her own country.

"Hey, Bláithín!" Hange called out.

Bláithín glanced at her, smiling politely. "Yeah?"

"Pick a bed, this is one of the fun parts of being in the Trainee Corps for the first time. Then it kind of sucks then on..." she murmured, twiddling with a strand of hair.

She did have some kind of point in that sense. Bláithín shrugged before walking over to the bed in the corner of the room that was closest to the window. Peering out the window, she could see all of her future colleagues being shoved, literally, inside the door. Bláithín corked a brow before sighing. She eventually eased into the springy mattress before saying, "This one's mine."

She bounced on top of it, rocking her hips up and down to get a feel for it. Sure, it wasn't comfy. It would have to do.

It's not like being a cadet or soldier was comfortable either. She wondered if people lived ' _normal_ ' lives here, with their ' _normal_ ' families. That would be something she would have to discover herself. She was in Trost now, life was far different here than the life she lived up in Mitras.

"That's fine, I didn't like the smell of that one..." Mike muttered, frankly, interrupting her introspection. He bent down to spell her bed again. "Yeah, definitely don't like it."

This was met with a slap into the forearm by the bespectacled young woman. "Mike! Yeah, he has this weird quirk that he smells people for the first time he meets them," she began. She paused, motioning towards the cocky smirk that plasters over his lips when he takes his nose away.

"Then smirks, but I doubt he's trying to be offensive. I'm sure some of people may find it weird."

Bláithín's mouth hung open as she tried to comprehend everything. ' _They all seem nice, though..._ ' she noted before nonchalantly shrugging. Everyone has their own quirks. "I understand." She muttered, scratching the hair behind her ear.

"Hate to break this 'moment' but we were expected to put on our new uniforms now," the blond male informed. His sea blue eyes motioned towards the chest of drawers, presumably containing all of their new clothes. "Shortly after, 3DMG training begins. Apparently, it's quite hard."

Bláithín stood up, patted the spot she was originally sitting and ambled over to the chest of drawers and grabbed the first pair of pants and military jacket she set her eyes on. She pivoted around on her heel again, sighing when she realized Erwin was behind her, waiting to get a uniform. She handed one back to him and then went into the bathroom to change. Again, the ruckus ensued once she was no longer in the room; maybe they were waiting for her to leave.

She came out again, dressed and looked at Mike and Hange 'sparring' with pillows and sighed.

This was her new life.

It would take getting used to and it was certainly going to be very hard to adjust.

That's _normal_ , though, right?

* * *

 _Hey everyone, **PLEASE** review - they keep me alive and motivated! I know you are all probably just hanging around until Levi comes along - which should be soon - but I need to establish the reader's character first, you know? I hope you are liking the reader's character so far? Let me know what you think, if you have formed any opinions based on this one chapter, lol!_


	5. Perfection

_Rach: Thank you so much for you review. I'd reply personally, but it was a guest review. I am so pleased you're enjoying the fanfiction thus far. Getting lengthy reviews where you truly give your honest opinion on what I am doing that you like (or even don't like) is certainly invaluable! Bláithín's only prior hardship is being suddenly stripped to what used to be normal and getting so held back by the fact her parents died and never spent much time with them in the first place._

 _And yes, you are right. Levi is certainly OOC. This is set after 57th expedition though, six years_

 _after the OC and Levi got together. It would have made more sense to have his response more similar to his when Petra died, but she was just a squad member. I have written this story out in full already, but the purpose of this revamped version of this fanfic is to provide more depth to Bláithín and her relationship. My last attempt at this fanfiction was only 40 chapters long. I believe I can write more, this fanfiction was an idea I got when I was 14 - four years ago after I finished the first season - and thus, my way of writing has changed. I wrote the prologue when I was 14, but I now have a much better understanding of his character. His OOC-ness in the prologue will make sense once I fill in everything until then._

 _And about her uncle? He's just a mean guy with a lot of secrets. Her whole family is entangled with secrets - all to be revealed in due time. Thanks for the review! :D_

* * *

"It is vital that you evenly distribute your weight all around your body. You almost have it, Bláithín," Erwin told her. "It doesn't help that you probably never had to do much physical exercise before given the place you come from."

It was sundown. Shades of yellow and orange bled into the once blue sky, cirrus clouds providing a bit of shelter from the rock-splitting heat. Sweat beaded the twelve year old Bláithín's brows as she struggled to keep her balance with the 3DMG. She wasn't the only one to struggle with it though, Erwin found it hard but eventually got it, and hence why he was out here trying to help her. He at least knew first hand and got over any issues with balance.

Bláithín shifted her weight from side to side as she tried to find the optimum position. She tensed whatever muscles she had in her abdomen to still herself steady and pulled her legs in from when they had been previously separated as though she was doing a star-jump mid-air. And by the grace of the three goddesses themselves, the wiggling stopped and the belt stopped moving around in circles.

"Ugh, finally," she sighed with relief.

Erwin removed her from suspended gears and they walked back to the dorm they had been staying in until now.

"Uh… thanks for the help back there, I must admit I'm a bit embarrassed I couldn't grasp this concept sooner. I'd be useless out in the open." She said, softly. She averted from her gaze from the log-cabins where the dorms were and looked up into the sky.

She saw a bird flying by itself.

"A wren," she noted. "You can tell by its cry."

The clouds had cleared now and she saw the beautiful sunset, blotches of reds and purples, mixed with blues and oranges. Her eyes lit up at the sight of this masterpiece that nature had created before them. The bird chirped happily once it found its nest in a tree nearby, its beak carrying a few worms for its babies.

"That'd be nice, being that free..."

Erwin looked up with her and sighed.

"You get so distracted by everything around you… I believe it is important to separate yourself from what isn't important and what truly is."

Erwin was a smart guy, maybe six years older than her. He motivated everyone around him and many looked up to him regardless of their age. Bláithín really saw the potential in him to be a commander of one of the regiments. He had not only the mentality but also the skill to be within the top ten. Only the top ten could go on and be a part of the Military Police and join the other soldiers living in Mitras, Wall Sine, humanity's last line of defence.

"It is important to push your own wants and needs aside before you try help those around you in a military-based environment. It's the only way you can push forward." He spoke, coldly.

He was right and he wasn't just talking about some random bird that she noticed in the sky. In actuality, he was referring to the fact at how consumed she was by her parents' death. That was only natural of course. To her, grief was a part of life she had not come to experience just yet and signing up to the Corps meant Death himself would be a life-long companion of hers. One that would hold her hands and pulling her into his clutches, or her loved ones.

Normally, soldiers would channel their grief and turn it into something else, something fierce and use it to avenge their fallen family members or comrades. Bláithín was struggling with this, though. Life just so happened to play out this way and it was changing too fast for her to cope. She never anticipated joining the Training Corps, not at all…

It just so happened that she ended up here one morning.

She remembered that her back was very sore from the cart she and a few others were taken in.

It was too much for her… She wasn't coping well at all. Hange was there to comfort her when the thought of dying during training or the overwhelming amounts of sadness she had been feeling during the past week or so. She knew Hange and her were going to be close at the end of these three years.

She refused to go back, not to her uncle's. He got rid of her once - who was to say he wouldn't do it again?

She huffed a heavy sigh of defeat.

"And what made you join the training corps?"

"My father, he was a teacher… one day when I was about your age, he told me his theory behind the Walls and the Titans. His goal was freedom, to know what is truly right and wrong about our world. Then one day… He never returned home…"

Bláithín knew he was only telling half of the story, probably to spare him. She understood, even a young man as resolved as him had demons to haunt him.

What set these two apart was how Erwin was able to push this aside for the sake of his goals: humanity's freedom. And for now, Bláithín was in no way capable of doing that.

Would she ever be? Hard to say…

Truth be told, Bláithín was far too afraid to put her life on the line, for now at least. Though if push came to shove and a loved one was at the brink of death at the hands of those man-eating beasts, then of course. Otherwise, she wouldn't.

She was _selfish_.

But who could blame her? She grew up in an environment where everyone around her pushed their own selfish agendas above her own. She thought of the lessons her mother taught her and Elise though. To be mindful of everyone around them and to consider the needs of others before your own. That's what it meant to be a _good_ person.

 _A good person_ , she repeated to herself.

She always tried to be a good person. She helped out around the house, right? That was good, wasn't it? She would always do her homework. She was always happy to meet guests who visited her house. Everything she did… it was always ' _good_.'

If she was such a _good_ person, then why was she sent off to Shiganshina in the first place? Did her uncle not think she was ' _good_ ' enough. She always tried her best to be ever-so perfect. Was she ever _bold_ and that's why she was sent away? She couldn't recall a moment where she ever misbehaved; she couldn't recall a moment when she wasn't a ' _good person_ '. Everything to her was always polarized; everything was either _good_ or _bad_ , _perfect_ or a _failure_. Middle ground or any grey area was no option. She always tried to be _perfect_ , she tried to be _good_. At one point in her life, maybe she was just a hair out of place, at this point she was only 'almost' perfect.

 _Almost isn't good enough_ , she told herself. _I don't want to be 'a hair out of place', I won't accept that._

Just what would have happened had she stayed in Shiganshina?

People in Wall Rose and Wall Sine often described the Shiganshina District as humanity's first line of defence. It was the most southerly wall, so Titans were more than likely going to attack first and attempt to break through. That, of course, was unlikely, as the wall was fifty metres high. Though suppose something happened, and Titans went on a stampede and laid waste to the innocent citizens within that district… she would have been one of them. She'd be crushed underneath one of their feet or shoved down their putrescent gullets along with countless others. Why would her uncle send her there?

 _No, it can't be_ , she said to herself, eyes widening.

Did her purposely want to send her there to be killed? Why on earth would he wanted that?

In this world, and Bláithín failed to realize this coming from a totally sheltered lifestyle… good _and_ bad people were going to die. Some quicker than others. Were the _good_ people going to live longer? Not necessarily. Were the _bad_ people going to die quicker? Equally as unlikely. People were going to die, good or bad.

Why would he want her killed? It didn't make sense, but she did start to put two and two together.

He must have wanted her dead for a while, perhaps from the very start…? It made sense since he never showed any affection around her (or Elise), had bad temper, physical abuse was often punishment for something very, very insignificant. And to top it all off, attempting to send her to an early death. The question that remain was why… _why, why, **why.**_

The answer, whether Bláithín was going to realize this or not at a later date, was that maybe… **_she was an unfortunate mistake_**. A mistake to her uncle, at least. To her mother who showed her an abundance of love? Probably not.

"Hey, Bláithín," Erwin said, interrupting her amidst her introspection. He could tell she was thinking too deeply again, judging on how wide her eyes had gotten, "just… don't think too much, yeah? That will kill you in some way or another."

 **(time skip from 838-844)**

And so, over the years, she continued to be a ' _good_ ' person. She continued to be ' _perfect_ ', because in everyone else's eyes, or she thought - if she wasn't perfect, she wasn't necessary. That nobody would _need_ her, nobody would _want_ her; nobody would want to be _associated_ with her.

She cared deeply for everyone as she always did, but deep inside her festered a burning desire for utter perfection and it was always met without fail. She would work for it, strive for it. She didn't want to be seen as a mistake, even though over the years, her conscious desperately tried to convince her she was one. From time to time though, she also thought that provided that she strived for perfection but lost her life to this mental battle… it didn't matter, not at all, as long as nobody disliked her.

Because she was so damned annoyed by the thought of being disliked all throughout her life by her wretched uncle… she was aching for affection.

Her patience with a mental battle such as this was wearing thin, and she was exhausted… if she closed her eyes one day outside the walls having done something valiant, something people would thank her for such as protecting her own squad… then it'd be okay.

Oh, but the thoughts within her mind contradicted her. She did not want to die, not at all. She feared death like the plague. She would put her life on the line, recklessly at that, if it meant people saw the good in her. If she died in the process, then it's fine.

She was still 'selfish.' She still had a sense of self-worth, she feared death in a profession where death and life walk hand-in-hand.

She would talk to herself in the mirror as she brushed her dark blonde hair that fell below her shoulder blades, her blue, oceanic eyes shining radiantly once she convinced herself to go out once again and strive for perfection. Only then, was she ever ready to go.

Normally her day consisted of training her two soldiers, doing reports in her bedroom

One day, the squad leader was called in to Commander Shadis' office.

"Sit, Bláithín." He gestured towards the chair and she did as she was told. "I have received some reports from the commander of the Military Police, Nile Dok and also from Darius Zackley… It appears there is a lot of trouble down in the Underground District. They are low on numbers at the moment and they need help dealing with the mercenaries down below."

Bláithín nodded, not saying a word. "And who would be responsible for them?"

Shadis was desperate for new numbers for the scouts all the time, so Bláithín knew instantly he planned on turning them into soldiers. "Yourself. Your squad is the smallest of all squad leaders, with only two soldiers and one has resigned due to a debilitating injury. So it would make total sense to give you these soldiers. Can I entrust you with this responsibility to take on three new soldiers?" He asked, handing over documents of sketches that must have resembled them. Two males and a female.

She stood up and saluted. "Yes, sir. I'll do it."

* * *

 _A/N: I won't always post responses to reviews at the top, only the guests!_

 _But **PLEASE** follow/favourite and **REVIEW**! I really like to hear your opinions. I hope you enjoyed the chapter!_


	6. The Underground Trio

_**25/10/2018:** I had no idea I forgot to change over this fanfiction from a reader insert version on another website, to an OC on this website - I copied and pasted it all over at like 3:00 AM for my time. Apologies everyone!_

* * *

Thanks to the guest for pointing that out Erwin and Bláithín were roaming the underground because there was word of some trouble that had been bubbling away in the Underground District. Plus, this trouble was going to be her squad, whether she liked it or not. She was going to give them the benefit of the doubt though - maybe a trio of thugs would treat her nicely?

Pretty unlikely, though.

She and Erwin walked down the alleyway that descended into the stairwell. Bláithín hadn't forgotten what it was like down here when she fled here with no where else to go. Her eyebrows furrowed at the sight.

People down here suffered so much, and lack of sunlight was a major problem based on what she had heard from up above. Eventually their bones would weaken over time and would no longer be able to walk. Citizens down here sat down constantly when their legs wouldn't let them get up anymore.

It stunk like a cistern down there due to people dumping waste wherever. There were mini stalactites hanging from the top and there were little holes on the surface that let the dim rays of sunlight shine down. The houses down here were nothing more than mud houses with windows carved into them.

Down here, it was disgusting, rotten and utterly vile. Nothing good ever came out of it. It wasn't a sight for the squeamish to behold. People's bodies lay about unclaimed for days on end, waiting for Death to come and put an end to their misery.

In the corner were people gambling for money, alcohol and drugs. They all had to be drunk on something to survive down here, but then again, all humans latched onto something to survive in a world where despair was bountiful. Similar to outside of the Walls, the Underground was an absolute and perfect example of 'survival of the fittest.'

"It's so horrible down here, I don't think you could ever get used to it." She said to him. The two Squad Leaders continued to walk through the Underground, when there was a bit of commotion to be heard up ahead amongst the looming criminals. They both looked at each other and started to adjust their gear. They ran up and pushed the citizens that started making a crowd aside. Ogling wasn't going to make the commotion die down.

Based on what she just saw, the group of thugs they were after had bust through a stack of crates holding possessions that may have been smuggled down from above. With the crates broken, their contents spilled out onto the ground which opened the opportunity for other mercenaries to steal. Once the crates had been knocked over, a thug that was short in height bashed into a merchant before propelling himself into the air again.

" _ **AUGH**_! THAT HURT! OWW! _OWW_! Oi! Hold it right there!" someone exclaimed.

Bláithín heaved a sigh. I guess that's our cue, she said to herself. She reluctantly picked up her pace once told to by the blond male beside her. Erwin and herself shot their grappling hooks into the air and followed the trio at a leisurely pace. The MPs hovered in front of them too but Erwin, and [F/n] were called in to subdue them and capture.

"OI! YOU! SHORTY OVER THERE! AREN'T YOU GOING TO EXCUSE YOURSELF AFTER BUMPING INTO ME?!" the man continued. "ARE YOU DEAF, SHORTY!?"

"You guys better stop, they're-," a man tried to reason but got thwarted.

"Hey! Are you askin' for a hole in yer head?!" the man threatened.

The squabbling continued. This is something that happened on a regular basis. The short man, around 5'3 stopped dead in his tracks and reached inside his pocket and everything fell quiet and you could hear the short man's friends talking.

"We don't have time for this bullcrap," said the brown haired man.

"Well...but isn't this perfect timing for a warm-up before training?" the red haired lady asked.

Suddenly, there was a click.

The short man or their leader sharply pivoted around and took out his gun and fired. There was a small breeze which blew up the man's poncho and to Bláithín's surprise, he was wearing a 3DMG. Just where did he get his hands on that? The bullet flew as fast as lightning, and was millimeters away from the grazing the man's head.

Instead, it crashed into some barrels that were containing some fluids, possible the limited supply of clean water.

The leader of the group went to go in and kill the man who ticked him off by attempting to pierce him with his grappling hooks.

"SHIT!"

His opponent went to shoot with his gun, when the man ascended into the air with his 3DMG and landed, stomping on one of the man's friends hard into his gut. The man he took down just there was bald and was very imposing in height, possible taller than 6'2 Erwin.

"Oi...Next is the giant," Levi breathed.

"Heh, heh! That was a waste of time. I'm taking the high route," the red haired lady, Isabel, stated.

Erwin glanced up at the short man, who had raven black hair and whose bangs hanging over his temples. It was almost as if his gaze was enough to make him stop mid-air. The raven haired man looked back at Erwin and noticed the Wings of Liberty insignia on his breast pocket and just one word crossed his mind: 'Shit'. Erwin held some ambitious and determined smile about him.

Erwin and Bláithín began to follow the trio as they created quite a ruckus amongst the civilians of the Underground District, zipping in and through them on their 3D Manoeuvre Gear.

"You damn thugs!" an old man cried after being knocked over.

Erwin and Bláithín were around twenty metres behind them, continuing to pursue them as fast as they could. Given that they weren't so far away, the veteran scouts could hear everything they were saying. The short, jet black-haired man suddenly took a sharp turn mid-air before piercing the pillar of a jagged wall with his grappling hook. Just enough time for Erwin and Bláithín to get the upper hand and catch up with them. The red haired lady looked back with a wide grin, making her teeth visible before letting out a whistle.

"THEY AIN'T HALF BAD!" she chimed. The short man scowled at her sudden cheerful outburst.

"That's the Recon Corps for you," said the leader of their group.

"The Recon Corps? Are you certain!?" replied his other brown haired friend.

"I saw the crest on their backs as I was passing by. It was The Wings of Freedom," he replied.

"The Recon Corps are those guys who go outside the walls and actually fight titans, right? Wow, I guess guys who've been trained with experience with actual combat are a whole other deal, huh, Levi?" his male friend replied.

 _Levi... Huh_ , Bláithín noted to herself.

"I have no intention of getting involved with them. But now that it's come to this, it won't be easy to shake them off," Levi stated.

"I won't lose! I'll make every damn one of 'em cry!" the red-haired lady piped, presumptuously.

Levi said something that wasn't completely audible so the red-haired lady said it out loud. "As long as we don't get captured!"

"If you say so."

"You guys know what to do, right?" Levi asked.

"Yeps!" replied the girl.

"Sure, whatever," came the other male's voice.

And with that, the three zipped off in different directions. Bláithín and Erwin both heaved audible sighs of annoyance and frustration.

"Alright, I'm taking the black haired man. I know you're more than capable of handling the other two. The leader's intriguing, I'll go after him." Erwin told her.

"Sure." She said back to him. Bláithín decided to go after the girl first.

"You can't catch me!" she boasted.

The girl zipped around a huge stalactite and once around, she launched her grappling hooks in Bláithín's direction. This was a huge opportunity but dangerous at the same time. As the hook flew through the air, about to impale her, she simply hovered in the same place and used her reflexes and caught her rope and pulled her back forcefully. As far as people her age went, she was as light as a feather, and took little or no effort to pull her back. As she hovered, the girl scowled up at her like a defeatist. "I just did." She whispered to her.

"Bitch..! Let me go, now!" she screamed.

"ISABEL!" her male friend shouted. Being the noble person he must be, he immediately zipped back to the sound of her voice. "Aw, crap! Isabel!" he whined.

"It's not my fault, Farlan, they're actually kind of good..." she replied.

Bláithín took a pensive moment, eyeing the two people before her. "Come here." She ordered. Farlan shamefully zipped over to her, his head hung low. She grabbed his arm, and Isabel's rope, and gently landed, to avoid extra grief.

"Show me your hands," she ordered to the brown haired male. Farlan laid his hands out, keeping them there, while she tied Isabel's rope to her belt, earning an annoyed from her. She handcuffed his hands, only realizing one finished that she only had one pair. "Right..." she sighed. She undid Isabel's rope from her belt, still holding it, and swung her over her shoulder, and kicked Farlan forward to the commotion being created by Levi's confrontation with Erwin and Mike.

After a few moments of walking later, she came across Levi and Erwin approaching him. She arrived at the point where Levi leaned in to throw a powerful fist at Erwin. Erwin gritted his teeth in frustration. Erwin kicked Levi away from him.

"STOP!" Erwin shouted upon noticed Bláithín had arrived. "Take a good look around you!" he told him.

Levi's rage momentarily subsided when he saw Bláithín kicking Farlan forward and Isabel swung over her shoulder. His gaze softened upon seeing the female veteran come closer; he recognized her instantly. She had grown since then, if he had to estimate she was now a good three inches taller than him and he could tell she had grown into a formidable soldier.

Whether he wanted to admit it to her or not, he felt sorry for her that day. He never held much regard for the greedy pigs that lived in the interior but he knew by her face that day - the day he left her in another soldier's care before he took her to the military base - that she had been stripped of everything she had ever had.

He wasn't going to show much sympathy to her now though - just look at what she managed to accomplish? Within minutes, she subdued his companions and had them at her mercy. She could have done anything she wanted to them - beat them, kick them or whatever else - but he could tell that it probably wasn't within her nature.

"Lemme go! You little-!" Isabel piped, squirming about like a bag of worms, but Bláithín cut across her.

"Erwin, are you alright?" Bláithín asked him.

"Don't waste all your energy, Isabel." Farlan told her.

Bláithín walked over and forced Farlan to kneel, and let go of her grip on Isabel. She walked over in Erwin's direction when she noticed Levi had given her one of the foulest glares ever imaginable.

"I'm fine. Good work in capturing them both," Erwin replied and averted his eyes to Levi. "I'm going to ask you a few questions. First, where did you obtain these?" he asked him, referring to the 3DMG.

"..."

"..."

"Your 3D Manoeuver Gear skills are also remarkable. Where did you learn how to do that?" he asked them.

"..."

"..."

Erwin stepped closer to Levi. "You're the leader of this group, correct? Have you ever received military training?" he asked him. Levi looked right into his deep sea blue eyes with his steel blue ones. His eyebrows were furrowed and had also glared at him, but for some odd reason, it was not nearly as bad as Bláithín's. "Your face is telling me that you're plotting how to best kill us and escape, right?". He paused and glance over at Bláithín. He clicked his tongue and scoffed.

"If possible I didn't want to be too rough, but..." he began to say before motioning over to his colleague. Bláithín nodded and obeyed - Erwin was next in line to be commander as she had predicted years before, she was to do what he was told. Obeying orders is good, she always told herself. She walked up close to Levi and ruffled his hair, and Levi gritted his teeth out of pure hatred, before shoving him into a filthy puddle.

Levi was quite mistaken. There was no hesitation in her moves at all and he had to admit he didn't expect the sharp pain to come from his neck.

"Guh-!" came Levi's response. "You _fucking_ bitch…" he growled, seething. His eyes were burning with rage as he glared back at her, spitting out the dirty water from his mouth.

"Let me ask you one more time..." Erwin began. "Where did you learn 3D Manoeuvers?"

Bláithín turned his head up to face him, but not too roughly, so his complete attention was on Erwin.. The two stared deeply into each other's eyes, Levi waiting to be let go of and Erwin waiting for an answer.

"We didn't learn from anyone! Get off your high horse, mister public servant!" Isabel yelled in his defence.

"We picked up these skills in order to survive this dump. Someone like you - who doesn't know the taste of sewer water - wouldn't understand!" Farlan added.

"My name is Erwin Smith", he stated, "what is yours?"

"..."

"Hey now, listen. We certainly don't have the time to play games. I'm telling you now you don't stand a chance against us two." Bláithín warned, and shoved his face into the puddle once again. She grabbed him by the hair after a few moments of him taking in the bacteria of sewage and sludge that the puddle had to offer. She could tell that he was probably equally as angry as getting dirtied as he was getting caught. He inhaled sharply.

"Ugh..!" he wheezed,

"I admire your spirit, but if you keep this up we'll have to get your comrades involved." Erwin warned.

Bláithín stepped back from Levi and to the two friends of his, and turned them to face a pipe that had sewer water gushing out of it.

"IF YOU'RE GOING TO DO IT, JUST DO IT ALREADY!" Isabel shouted.

Now it was Erwin's turn to grab him by the hair. He knelt down before him, "My name is Erwin Smith."

"You _bastard_..." Levi hissed, spitefully. Dirty sewer water dripped down his face. His teeth were gnashed together in spite and utter rage.

"Your name?" Erwin questioned.

"...It's Levi," he told him through his gritted teeth.

Erwin knelt down in the puddle to get a better look of him. "Levi. Won't you strike a deal with me?"

"A deal...?"

"I won't ask what crimes you've committed. In return, you'll lend me your strength. Join the Recon

Corps." He told him.

"And if I refuse?"

"I'll leave you under the Military Police's responsibility. In the first place, considering all the crimes on your record, you getting off easy is out of question. However, your friends won't be able to hope for decent treatment, either. Choose whichever you'll prefer." He told him.

Levi glanced over at his friend Farlan, whose neck could be slit with Bláithín's blade at any moment. He looked up at Bláithín for a few seconds, and once gritting his teeth and hissing a sigh at her, he turned back.

"I'll take it. I'll join the Recon Corps." He said.

* * *

Levi Ackerman, Farlan Church and Isabel Magnolia were eventually taken inside, once the soldier gave word to the Commander that Erwin and Bláithín had arrived back with the thugs. They were taken to a spare room.

Bláithín was the first person to be asked to go in and greet them. It was the right thing to do, after all, she wanted them to be comfortable around her. Of course, it would take a lot of effort to have any good relationship with them. It was an arduous and seemingly impossible task to try bond with them, similar to that of dragging blood from a stone.

The stiff knob twisted clockwise and the door swung open making a slam. Isabel and Farlan looked up to see it was her: the soldier who practically submerged Levi's head into the puddle and threatened them to drink sewer waters.

"Hey." She said simply.

"Ah-!" Isabel piped, standing up abruptly and immediately getting into a fighting stance.

"Isabel, there's no need for that." Bláithín said to her.

"Isabel, sit down." Farlan told her.

"It's not my fault the mad woman is here!"

The blonde pretended she never heard that. "Uh, yeah, hi. My name is Bláithín Hahn and I'm a squad leader here. I've been told that I'm getting a squad, which is going to consist of you three.. You'll be getting your uniforms soon." She said simply.

There were three cups of tea on the small table in the middle of the room. Levi happened to be drinking from one of them. Bláithín corked a brow upon noticing Levi's method of drinking it. He didn't hold it by the handle, instead his entire hand circled it and had a tiger's claw like grip as he slurped from it. He noticed she was looking at her.

"Tch, what the hell is it you want?" he spat.

Bláithín sighed. "There's no need to talk to me like that," she lectured, trying to remain as patient as ever. "Keep it up and I'll have you clean out _all_ of the women's rag bins."

Levi quickly leaned back and averted her eyes, saying nothing more; cleaning up women's menstrual rags was not something he fancied doing after just arriving.

"Oh, Isabel? I forgot to mention. You're wanted. I have no idea why, though." She stated. Bláithín gestured towards the door, indicating whoever wanted her was waiting outside.

"Mm-kay," she chirped, merrily.

Bláithín and Isabel left the room.

 _What have I gotten myself into_ , she asked herself.

* * *

Please review, I'd love to hear your thoughts! We'll be having more Levi-centric chapters before the expedition!


	7. Unexpected Reunion

_Hi._

 _This chapter contains references to teen pregnancy and talks about abortion. Please do not read if such topics make you uncomfortable. The thoughts expressed here_ _ **DO NOT**_ _necessarily belong to me, I have_ _altered_ _my own opinions to suit the setting of this story. I am supportive of abortion however, and I don't pass judgement of those who don't support it._

* * *

It had most certainly occurred to Bláithín by now that Levi had quite a problem with controlling that vulgar tongue of his. His language was… _colourful_ , to put it nicely. Of course, Bláithín had no problem with assigning him the punishment she mentioned last time.

Cleaning the women's rag bins.

He went into all of the female dorms (he had the courtesy to knock) and emptied their bin into the basket Bláithín had assigned him. The girls would look at him and scoff and he'd only glare at them. He wasn't well liked by many people so far, and his reputation of being uncontrollable spread throughout.

"Ehhh, why is he going through our bin?" he heard a girl whisper.

"Don't you know? That's squad leader Bláithín's typical punishment whenever past male soldiers were acting out of line."

The girls laughed at him when they saw him wearing a cleaning mask, gloves and the spray of disinfectant for either his hands or the bin (possibly both.) He only rolled his eyes and left them alone. He left the basket where he was instructed - in the Mess Hall near the bins - and walked back to his dorm that he shared with Isabel and Farlan. Well, Isabel technically was not allowed to be there as she was a girl, but she had the tendency to sneak out of her own dorm with the females.

None of them were particularly impressed by their welcome; they were slagged, looked down upon, Isabel's hair was chopped shorter much to her displeasure. In the Corps' defence, though, they weren't exactly going to be hosting any kind of welcoming party for a bunch of thugs who had criminal records as large as the Walls themselves! At the same time, Bláithín took it upon herself to make sure they were treated with respect if they treated others with respect…

Which didn't really happen too often… Hence why Levi, this time, was punished.

"When's the next expedition? I'm so _done_ with this shithole." Levi grumbled.

Isabel and Farlan perked up and snickered once they realized he was finished.

"Based on what I've heard from my nightly snoops by the drawing room, because of Lobov's actions, the Scout Regiment doesn't have the funding to go on expeditions," Farlan answered, "so lucky for you, _Levi_ , we're all stuck with Bláithín a while longer."

Levi rolled his eyes. "Tch, that _bitch_. I hope I don't have to see her stupid face for the rest of today." He said, lying down onto his mattress after removing his face mask.

Isabel made a sound akin to a squeak when there was a knock on the door. Speak of the devil.

The door opened and Bláithín walked in. The trio were surprised to see her wearing a dress. It was white, with a blouse-like upper half and a ribbon tied above her waist. Her shimmering blonde hair was tied up into an up-do, unveiling her sapphire eyes. "Oh, Levi. I see you're finished. I wanted you to have finished your task before I gave you the news: today we have a day off."

"Oh, why?" Farlan asked.

"Beats me, but I won't question it and I'll savour it while I can. I'm going to head into Trost to get a few things, do any of you want to come?"

Farlan shook his head but Isabel practically skipped out the door, a look of surprise making its way onto Bláithín's face. Levi groaned.

"Isabel, stay here. What if you get lost?" Levi complained.

"She won't," Bláithín assured. She was more than used to watching over someone. She sometimes walked through the streets of Mitras with Elise by her side. "I'm more than capable of babysitting someone."

"Tch." He spat and turned his back to her.

Bláithín sighed heavily, but she was patient; his attitude would not get to her too much. He had just been captured only over a week ago. Give him time, he may come around eventually, she told herself. Even if he didn't, this isn't the first defiant soldier she had under her wing - they didn't deter her either. Levi hasn't had an easy life all the same, the poor guy was always on defensive mode, probably.

"Is there anything I can get you, Farlan? Levi?" she asked, politely.

Farlan shook his head. "I'm good, Bláithín!" he replied, saluting her, albeit correctly. It appeared his hand was upside down. She made a mental note to correct that.

"Levi?" she asked again. She heard him mumble something under his breath. She shook her head, dismissing him. She and Isabel began to walk away when Bláithín leaned over to her and asked, "What would he like?"

Isabel knew instantly. " _Tea_."

* * *

Bláithín and Isabel took to the streets of Trost.

The sun shone today and it seemed to be putting everyone in a good mood. The sun was still considered a 'foreign object' to Isabel, so to speak. She often shielded her face from its glorious yet blinding rays.

Since it was noon, the market roared with rage for it now was awake from its peaceful slumber. The shops were stuffed and street vendors made the street extremely narrow forcing people to walk in a single file. Large tattered wagons decorated with a kaleidoscope of vegetable were parked beside the street and their owners stood beside them screaming prices like auctioneers; it was odd seeing that had a carrot in hand clear the area of the flies that pointlessly danced around the vegetables.

"Squad Leader, where are we going?" She asked.

Isabel at least had the decency to be far more polite in public, she knew not to make a scene - Levi was quite great at that.

"Oh, in public, you can just call me Bláithín. It's only on expeditions or in HQ where you should address me as that. But we are just looking around today, I was given a shopping list too by Commander Shadis."

On the list was bread, various fruits and vegetables, some cheeses and of course - a soldier's favourite - alcohol.

Isabel looked around and noted the differences she saw between buying food up here compared to the Underground District. For starters, there was an abundance of food to be sold. She heard there were food shortages above ground too, but it was nothing compared to living down below, going days without food and clean water. At least up here, everyone was bound to get some food, at least. The sight of people purchasing food up here made her stomach growl.

Most people had sinful and wandering eyes when it came to people they were interested; for Isabel, it must have been food. Bláithín caught sight of her greedy hand and smacked it away.

"Unless you want your criminal record being exposed of up here, I would suggest not stealing. We're almost finished now, just a few more things."

"But I'm fading _awaaay_!" she cried.

"You'll survive thirty more minutes, I'm sure."

Bláithín and Isabel continued to walk around until the squad leader discovered a herbalist. She thought back to the stubborn, uncontrollable young man she was in charge of. She was a good six years younger than him, of course he wasn't going to take her seriously. An eighteen year old squad leader who was once raised in Sine versus a twenty-four year old male who has lived in poverty his whole life and was well acquainted with tragedy.

She had noticed the violet shadows under his eyes, indicating a lack of sleep. He was a young man yet wrinkles had clearly been stabbed into his brows of youth already.

"Hi!" she greeted the vendor cheerfully, "can I take some chamomile and some black tea leaves, please?"

"Sure thing!"

Bláithín handed over a few coins and the saleswoman prepared a package for her. Isabel looked at her and smiled a toothy grin. "Oh, Big Bro really loves black tea! You should get more!"

"Oh, please," she scoffed, "I'll wait until he treats me with more respect first."

Bláithín and Isabel took off to the streets again, having bought everything she needed. Isabel looked up at the taller squad leader. She really appeared to care about them already. She recalled back to the day they were all kidnapped and how rough she had been then; she was rough because she was ordered to do so. Was she actually rough in nature?

Not at all.

She was motherly, definitely. She wanted the best for them, perhaps? Even now, Isabel felt like she was wandering behind the mother she never really had.

"Isabel? I understand you're upset about having your hair being cut short against your will," she began. And Isabel's face instantly turned sour once again and she rolled her eyes. "I had no idea that was going to happen, but let me make it up to you."

Isabel looked at her with a foul gaze until she felt something being placed in her hair. A ribbon that had a clip on the back. Isabel's heart fluttered a tiny a bit at the kind gesture. The ribbon was velvety and white.

 _White_ , for _innocence_.

Bláithín could tell she appreciated it but she wasn't going to make her speak.

The walk back to the headquarters was quiet, but not tense by any means. They walked through the main door and Isabel went off to her room. Bláithín saw lady with a baby in her arms talking to her commander.

"Oh, there she is," Keith stated, "Bláithín, this lady wishes to speak to you, she said she's been meaning to talk to you for a while."

She walked over and her face fell, jaw slacked, once she saw who the woman was. She looked a little bit haggard but smiled upon seeing Bláithín, her baby wiggling around in her arms. The squad leader shook her head in disbelief - she was so young, how could she have fallen pregnant?

" _Elise…?_ " she asked.

* * *

Bláithín didn't put it past her uncle, Sven, to send his two children - whom he was to mind - away. The two sat outside the headquarters on a bench. Bláithín was still in utter shock though. How could he send them both away? She knew that she must have been sent away for a different reason.

"Who's the father?" she asked.

"My husband… Uncle set me up with a man, who was far older than I. I don't necessarily hate the man, he's a nice guy. That being said, I don't love him either…" she replied. "But, I do love this baby. I had no intention of getting rid of her once I found out I was expecting…"

Yes. The rich up in Sine often cast their children off to the Underground if they didn't want to be parents. Or even, some terminated their pregnancies if the child was to be born out of wedlock. This was commonplace; nobody in Sine wanted a child that would disgrace their family's name. Often times, a termination was carried out without medical aid, just in case the doctor intended to spread rumours which had happened in the past. A termination would have been carried out quietly and no one spoke of the 'mistake', as they had referred to it in the Inner Walls, ever again.

It was also commonplace for arranged marriages to occur up in Sine, sometimes the girl being at least 10 years younger than her husband. The idea behind this was simple; more ties with the families meant more prosperity in future generations. Plus, every family needed an heir.

Elise was just under two years younger than Bláithín... so young, indeed.

"You could have said no. That you didn't want to be a mother so young. Or better yet, that you didn't want to _entrust_ _ **your**_ _body_ to him? You're just _seventeen_..."

"It was consensual. I promise…" her sister replied. "He's a good man, he cares for her a lot, which, as you know, is rare in this day and age. I don't have to fill the wife figure he was after, the maids do that. All I do is mind her."

Her sister was no longer as joyful as she used to be. It was like her soul had been sucked from her fingertips, and the life that shone in her eyes was no longer there. She didn't care to be a 'good' wife to her husband, and it seemed that no one cared to make her. But she smiled when she looked into her daughter's eyes. She loved her baby at the very least, with all of her heart, just not the man who helped create her.

"...What's her name?"

"It may be odd but, I decided to name her Eden, just over a year old now. Not a common name in Sine but… it means paradise. And I intend to show her the best version of this world that I can."

Bláithín held her niece in her arms and cradled her gently. Her thumb smoothed over her plump cheeks and she couldn't help but smile at the bundle of joy in her arms. She looked up and saw Levi and his friends in the distance, ogling her, but Farlan and Isabel walked off. Levi found himself looking at the baby.

Having a family meant living a normal life, right? That was something Bláithín had sacrificed a long time ago, but part of her yearned for it still. She never thought of being a mother alongside a father whom she didn't love. If she was ever lucky enough for experience an ounce of peace in this world, maybe she'd have a child of her own. Maybe she'd have a child with someone she loved too.

A child needed two parents around, or at least, two supportive guardians.

"Bláithín... I need to tell you something…"

"What is it?" she said, her voice turning into a coo when she saw the baby smile.

"W-we…" she began to stammer, "we aren't sisters. Not by blood."

"Huh?"

Elise sighed, taking Eden back into her arms. "It was one of the last things Uncle said to me. "Tell your sister, a true Hahn, that I give her my regards. I have no time dealing with fakes" is what he said. So, should something ever happen to Uncle, you're next in line…"

Bláithín gasped in surprise. A chance to return to Sine without having to sift through the family baggage her uncle created? She wasn't so sure.

"At the moment… My life is here. He sent me away to live out the rest of my life in Shiganshina, hoping a titan would swallow me…"

Elise sighed heavily, once again. She was doing that a lot… there must have been something else that was plaguing her, something else that was burdening her. She looked up at the sky, and then it happened. She let out a strangled sob, tears began to trickle down her cheeks, leaving tracks in their wake. Her heart was breaking right before her 'sister's' eyes and she felt so… alone.

"Elise, sweetie… what's going on? Why are you crying?"

Her sister sniffled. " _My days are numbered…_ " she replied, her voice quivering and cracking under intense emotional distress. It sounded so strained… pained, even.

"What?"

"That was something else he said… That if I ever did speak of you, or speak to you, that my days in this pathetic world would be numbered."

Bláithín's heart was in her mouth, too shocked and too hurt to speak. Was her uncle dead-set on pushing everyone away from him?

Just what in the goddesses' names was he hiding?

"And so… I ask of you, should my untimely death ever come… Will you mind Eden in my stead? Will you mind her, and love and play with her? She's a very good baby, she hardly cries…" Bláithín remained silent. "Bláithín, please?"

"I will." She answered without hesitation, her voice cracking a bit. The thought of her childhood friend being stripped of her broke her heart. She would have lost all of her family then. "But if that's the case, move to Wall Rose, where you will be safe."

Elise shook her head, as she continued to cry. "I can't. I have a duty of care to mind her in the environment where she will rule later, as her father's heir to the company."

"Then you leave! If he is a nice as he says he is, he'll care for Eden, right?!" she pleaded, desperately.

" _A child needs its mother…_ " she replied, ominously. "Up until now, I had no idea you were alive. I just figured you ran away, unable to cope… I was left alone. Without anyone."

Her heart skipped a beat. That was the one thing they needed throughout their life, a mother who loved them and was there far more often than what she was. Their mother had no control over it, but it would have helped. The guilt eroded her heart, knowing she had left Elise by herself, but it was her uncle's fault since he sent her away in the first place.

She had no way of predicting whether she'd be alive in years to come, so that she could mind Eden if the time came to it.

And here she was, doing the same thing her mother promised - promising she'd be around, regardless of what happened.

* * *

Later that evening, Levi had just come in from training with his 3DMG. Isabel and Farlan had already fallen asleep hours prior.

He saw that there was a cup of tea left on his bedside locker, one he did not make. There was a note beside it.

 _I heard chamomile tea does wonders for insomnia, I'll be using these tonight._

 _Bláithín_

He it until there was not a single drop left.

And sure enough, he slept well for the first time in years.

* * *

 ** _Please REVIEW! I really love to hear your own thoughts. What do you guys think of the situation that Elise is in, that Eden is in? Or what do you think her uncle could possibly be hiding? I know I haven't revealed much yet (all in due time) but you know, I'd love to hear theories._**


	8. Reminiscence

He heard crying and awoke. He didn't get up out of bed though, savouring the half-sleep state he was in.

Ever since Bláithín bought him the chamomile tea, he had been sleeping very well, for the first time in years, too. His eyes felt heavy and he didn't want to wake up, but the day of a soldier in the Survey Corps started pretty early.

The cries from what he presumed was coming from the Mess Hall continued, though they seemed to be calming down. Bláithín managed to persuade her sister to stay in Trost for a couple of days at least, and that meant Elise's baby was occasionally waddling around the barracks for a few hours everyday.

"Big-bro!" Isabel exclaimed as she burst through the door, "make the baby be quiet!" she whined.

Speaking of babies, Levi said to himself as he watched her sit down. "Babies usually cry for two reasons. If they're hungry or if they need changing. They shit and piss themselves right up their backs, it's gross." He snorted.

"Wow, you seem to know a lot about babies." She said.

"What? No. It only makes sense, if you can't speak and communicate your needs, then how else do get attention? You just scream your lungs out and hopefully your shitty diaper gets changed or whatever."

The talking of children made him think of his own mother, Kuchel. The times he would cry and yell when he was so hungry, and he thought his mother couldn't understand him. It only dawned on him years later that it's not that she didn't understand him; more like, she understood him all too well. Due to their living circumstances though, she just couldn't fulfill his request to be fed. Neither could she find food to fill her own stomach. He used to see his own mother shed tears at night, when she thought he had been sleeping. The burden the woman carried weighed heavy on her till she breathed her last breath; her last sick, dying, painful breath, before sickness overwhelmed her system.

He wished he had gotten up and wiped those tears away. He was but a child at the time and lived in unfortunate circumstances. But he was well acquainted with pain, even from an early age. The mother who pretended to be so strong was so riddled with pain, physically and mentally, all she could do was sob in defeat because fate dictated her to raise a child in a place that was not at all hospitable.

He shut his eyes tightly for a second to block out the painful memories. He got up and walked towards the door once he heard the crying had more or less stopped. He walked into the Mess Hall and saw Bláithín and her sister. It seemed as though Elise was going home today and he noted that Bláithín looked rather _sad_.

Elise had packed her bags and took the infant from Bláithín's, placing her in the pram. Bláithín was more than sad though; she was _scared_.

 _'My days are numbered…'_

What does meeting with her adoptive sister have anything to do with her being killed? Perhaps Sven suspected Bláithín never died to begin with. Even so, the likelihood of her perishing was astronomically high due to her line of work.

 _Just why… why did he want them dead?_

She thought back to her home - well, could she even call it home was another thing - in Mitras. On the days where she not a good, perfect little girl, she would wander up to the third floor of the Hahn estate. She remembered the end of the corridor to the left of, it was always enshrouded with murky shadows; the lights were not allowed to be turned on, said Sven.

His word was law, no matter what.

But, she felt mischievous one day… and she walked into his office. The office was cleaner than she had imagined it to be, considering her uncle practically lived in it. He kept it presented well. She saw the chess board on his desk. As a girl, she never was allowed to learn that. She did remember her uncle saying something about it one time…

 _"A King will always conquer," he paused as he knocked over the other counter, "its Queen. She will forever be at his mercy in life."_

She remembered seeing potions bubbling away in test tubes on the shelf near his desk. She remembered seeing syringes near them too; they laid about on the desk but also inside briefcases.

Her uncle was a smart man, but he didn't like his business known. She had learned that the hard way...

 _"You insolent brat," he snarled. She gasped and turned around; her jaw slackened as she saw him remove his belt and hold it in his hands._

.

.

Bláithín found herself frozen to the spot thinking about it.

 _Insolent brat…_

 _Insolent brat…_

It echoed in her head.

She shook away the painful memories and proceeded to walk her sister out the door. She leaned down and kissed Eden on her forehead before speaking again. "I have two expeditions coming up. A small-scale one which is tonight and a larger one not long after that. I'll write to you shortly after they are done and I'll come visit you. I can't guarantee it will be soon though."

"That's fine. I'd probably be free to see you too anyway. Write to me in advance." She replied.

Bláithín watched her wheel her pram and pull it into the carriage. She raised her arm into the air, almost as a way of gesturing her to get out, to come back, but she knew it wouldn't be good for her either to stay here.

The carriage took took off, leaving Bláithín behind watching it ride off into the horizon. Her lips trembled with anxiety and for the first time in a while, she felt her eyes well.

Maybe it was because there was no way of knowing if this was the last time she'd see her?

Maybe it was because she was losing more precious people in her life and there was nothing she could do about it? Everything was out of her control, wasn't to plan.

And Bláithín hated that.

If her sister was soon to meet her untimely death… _when was Bláithín going to meet hers?_

She exhaled heavily and walked back into the headquarters and saw Levi resting against the architrave. "What do you need, Levi?"

"What's this about a small expedition you mentioned?"

"Long story short, if we don't catch a Titan, Hange will start drooling inappropriately. We received permission from Commander Keith to carry it out. Not many people are coming." She replied.

"Am I?" he asked. "And is Erwin?"

Bláithín looked at him and corked a brow, acting curious. Of course, she knew full well why he wanted to know if Erwin was coming along, and since he wasn't, he suddenly seemed less interested. Not that he looked totally interested in the first place. His aim was to dispose of Erwin Smith and in exchange, he'd get citizenship in the inner wall. It made sense; he had a lifetime a suffering and the least he deserved, along with many other like-minded people from the Underground, was perhaps a cushy life in the Inner Wall. This wasn't going to work out though. Erwin knew he was being targeted and didn't plan on being killed by some uncontrollable mercenary.

"No, he's not. I'd suggest refilling your gas and replacing your blades."

"Tch, why should I?" He squawked, almost as if he was surprised she 'dared' to give him an order.

She looked at him with a slight deadpan. "Because I said so, now hurry it up."

* * *

It wasn't long before a myriad of stars dotted the sky above them. The sun hadn't entirely set though, so there was a lovely sunset to behold. There was a crisp breeze, one that their cloaks wouldn't shield them from. Bláithín, among others, were shivering.

Before they had set off for the Titan enrapture that evening, Bláithín assigned a horse to Levi. He was black and more importantly to Levi, perfectly groomed. Perfect for a clean-freak, she said to herself. Levi seemed to have a knack for getting along with animals, perhaps… better than his attempt at getting along with people.

"Stay behind me. We won't see much as it's night, so you probably won't get the same rush soldiers nor-"

"Whatever." He said, cutting her off.

 _Exhibit A:_ clearly animals were easier to get along with than humans for Levi.

Hange gave strict instructions to stay tucked together. She was approaching this enrapture differently. Titans moved provided there was sunlight. She wanted to know if even just one Titan would follow and until how long. She brought torches with her though, and was hoping the light from them would lure them along.

They snapped the reins as they made their way out of the Trost District and en route to outside the wall of Shiganshina. The order was to stay as close to the wall as much as possible. They started to slow down on Hange's orders, which was only a few kilometres from the Walls. The horses were trained to run far longer distances, so if they needed to flee, the option was available.

It certainly was rather peaceful for now, nightfall was slowly creeping in so less Titans would be about. It always felt great to escape the repugnant smell from inside the walls. The clean, crisp air always felt so refreshing.

She felt her horse becoming restless so she knew there was a Titan about. She was quickly snapped away from her cloud nine and reminded of the cruel lives they lived and of the humanoid monsters who dictated their freedom. As they rode to the other side of the hill, she was quick to detect a two hands hovering over them.

 _ **"TITAN!"**_

"Levi, take down that one on the left!" Bláithín ordered as she catapulted herself into the air. She launched her grappling hooks and aimed to slice at the Achilles tendon. The Titan began to fall to the ground and the soldiers scattered away. She noticed Levi hadn't obeyed her orders. He remained glued to the saddle of his horse. His face looked slackened and she saw emotions strong enough to make his face move.

Levi was _afraid_. He was rooted with shock and fear. She didn't think he had it in him. But who wouldn't be scared seeing a Titan for the first time? In general, Levi didn't lack the skill; if anything, he had an abundance of it. But it was his pride that would get him killed, or his inability to listen. Maybe a bit of a shock was all he needed. Titans weren't predictable like humans so maybe, if his line was suddenly put on the line, even just for a second, it would shock him enough into listening to his younger superior.

The Titan almost squashed Levi had she not screamed at him again. "LEVI, GET OUT OF THE WAY!"

Maybe it had dawned on him that no matter how good at 3DMG he was, Titans' moves were totally unpredictable beyond the walls? Or that the Titan dummies he had been training on were not at all accurate representations of the Titans themselves? He came to his senses though and rode out of the way while his squad leader delivered the finishing blow to the nape.

It was just as he had heard, they were grotesque and intimidating beyond words.

She jumped off the burning carcass and ran over to him. "Why didn't you follow my orders, you could-" she stopped upon feeling a shadow come over them. Another titan with its eyes dead-set on the two of them. She hissed a sigh and carried out another finishing blow to the nape.

"Is it meant to smell that bad?" He asked, blocking his nose with his sleeve as he watched it decay.

"Yes, unfortunately. Once the cut has been delivered, they break down very quickly. Now, get back on your horse, and you will follow my orders the next time!" She lectured.

They continued to patrol the area until Hange had more or less lost the plot and spotted a deviant she wanted. She ordered everyone to chase into a forest. Of course, no one in their right mind would chase after a deviant but that was Hange Zoe for you. It didn't help they were riding through the dark and visibility was limited. The fear on the soldiers' faces was undeniable - they did not want to be here, but who would for that matter?

"Come back, my darling! I just want to _plaaaay_!" Hange yelled, gleefully.

 _"Someone put her in the nuthouse."_ Said another soldier.

The forest wasn't that big and they exited it almost as quickly as they came in. Hange came to her senses and her horses skidded to a halt once she discovered a swarm of titans. They weren't necessarily outnumbered but there was certainly too many to take down for such a small number of soldiers. All soldiers flew up in the air to engage, much to Hange's dismay.

They fought mercilessly, severing limb upon limb. Smoke rose into the air, filling their lungs. It was hard to breathe. Levi and Bláithín hacked away at the titans. She stopped mid air upon hearing a blood curdling scream.

 _ **"HANGE!"**_

She gasped and looked back into the distance and saw that Hange was grabbed. Skimming through the air, she cut the Titan's arm and the grip was released. Hange fell to the ground and Bláithín stood up to shield her. Hange and her continued to back away from the Titan that tried to grab with its other arm.

She looked 'good' here, didn't she? She was defending one of her closest friends. That's what it was meant to be good. She kept wiggling the blade in the Titan's face. Her facial expression contrasted her actions, you could see it in her eyes. They looked calm, still, devoid of fear and panic.

Maybe she was done with being _good_ , she was **done** with being _perfect_.

Maybe she hated being perfect but for so long, it was all she ever aimed for.

 _Perfection_ , it was going to be her downfall one of these days.

 _ **Insolent brat…**_

 _ **Insolent brat…**_

 _ **Insolent brat…**_

 _I've been nothing but good this whole time_ , she whispered under her breath as the Titan grabbed her by the waist and lifted her into the air.

 _ **Insolent brat...**_

She looked back at Levi and she just knew he saw it; he saw how she had resigned herself to death if it came to it. She had no problem dying, as long as she looked morally good in the process. She wanted to look like she was saving a life instead of her own, so that she'd be remembered as a 'good' person. Because all her life, her uncle saw her as the very opposite.

An insolent brat, right?

He didn't look too impressed as he whirled into the air and killed his first titan. He didn't think he'd have to save his superior. She fell to the ground and brought a hand up to her ribs where she was squeezed and saw two boots step before her. She looked up and saw the man who saved her.

"Don't make yourself look like some piss-poor hero. Have some dignity and value your life, you idiot." He said coolly. He wasn't impressed, not at all, but he bent down and slung her arm over his shoulder and helped her stand. "Hange, we need to seek shelter. We're freezing our asses off here. Or better yet, let's just go back."

Hange managed to stand up by herself just fine. She looked at all of the soldiers' dejected faces and realized that it was foolish idea to go out at such an ungodly hour… even in the name of science, she had to admit it! It had been around fourteen years since they last successfully captured a Titan and even then, twenty soldiers lost their lives for it. She sighed and ordered everyone to retreat.

Levi assisted his squad leader over to her horse. She hopped up on the saddle, trying to clear her mind. Levi saw through her act and a part of her felt… _ashamed_?

"Are you okay?" he asked and for once, he sounded concerned. Even if it was only a tiny bit. Did she even deserve his concern. She was still in shock, he could see it; she looked into the distance as she failed to command her own horse to follow everyone else. "Oi… You heard me, right? Don't tell me that shitty Titan made you go deaf or something?"

She looked at him and then looked out into the distance and gently snapped the reins, "Y-yeah, I'm fine."

* * *

It was late that night when Levi returned to his dorm and he was beyond relieved to see that Isabel and Farlan had stayed awake from them. Levi walked over to the window and shut the blinds before sliding into his bed. He didn't even bother to change into looser clothes for bed - which Farlan and Isabel noticed - and asked him.

"Levi-bro? What's the matter? You always change into looser clothes before bed?"

He rolled over onto his side, his back facing them. Isabel peered over, checking on him and noticed he was shivering. She informed Farlan by whispering it in his ear. He nodded and left the room.

"Oi, where's he going?" he snarled, his voice sounding a bit nasal. "I don't need anyone to come-" he began, but Farlan came back with Bláithín.

"I hear you're sick, Levi." She spoke, genuine concern lacing her tone.

"I'm _not_ sick," he retorted, which was followed by two sneezes. The blonde squad leader chuckled at his stubbornness and walked over to him. She pressed her hand against his forehead and he slapped it away. "Don't touch me, get your hands off me! I don't need you babying me."

"But I'm not trying to. You have a fever and you're getting a cold. I may be your superior but I am responsible for you three as well," she replied. She had come into the room fully equipped and popped a thermometer in his mouth. "Thirty-eight degrees, just a little bit high. Nothing too serious…" She said.

Isabel stared at her in slight awe. Beneath her occasionally strict exterior (as expected of an elite soldier), she could tell she genuinely cared about them all. Levi tried to refuse her help but eventually, he gave up trying to shoo her away and let her talk. He let her give her advice on what to drink and eat. And maybe realized it too.

She tore the blankets off him and sighed heavily. "Change into something lighter-"

"I'll be fine. Please, let me sleep."

She stopped to appreciate his 'please', even if he didn't truly mean it. "Listen to me, change into something lighter. You'll overheat and you'll feel even worse, your brain will fry. And we don't want that."

"What made him get sick?" Farlan asked.

"If I had to guess, it's the weather. He's not the only one from the expedition who has gotten a case of the chills. It'll pass though, he'll be fine," she said, as she walked towards the door. "If you're not over it by tomorrow night, I'll get Hange to check on you, or something… Sleep well, Levi." She said, and shut the door.

* * *

 _ **Hey everyone! I'd really love to know what you guys are thinking. If you're enjoying it, or if you have any constructive criticism, do let me know!**_

 _ **\- Kirsten :)**_


	9. Evening Tea

**_Hi everyone, apologies for the delay. I have been busy with midterms and I am under copious amounts of pressure to learn a lot of violin repertoire, and all of my free time has been spent studying or practicing. I just wanted to write something short and sweet before the expedition chapters kick off (maybe in two chapters' time.) I'll probably be adding more to the expedition as well, just for the sake of developing characters too, particularly Bláithín and Levi's relationship. I'm trying to make it seem like a bit of a slow-burn but I guess I am kind of failing at that :'D_**

 ** _Anyway, please comment/favourite the fanfiction, I'd love to know what you guys think!_**

* * *

Levi walked into the Mess Hall in the middle of the night. The cold still plagued him and sleep was virtually not there, and he was getting rather demented. For almost a week, his nose had been running and his head was pounding. If he wasn't going to sleep, he figured he might as well stay up. Though, he probably would have felt better had he not refused the help from Hange when she called around to him. Levi, however, refused to receive help from 'a Titan lunatic that belonged in an asylum.'

"Oh, Levi," his squad leader greeted, "still can't shake this cold, huh?" He shook his head. "That's too bad."

She motioned him to sit near her in the Mess Hall and began to pour him a cup of tea. She appeared to be reading a book unrelated to military life or doing reports like what most squad leaders did. He took a look at the pages and saw intricate drawings and designs and noted that perhaps it was a book of poetry.

He sat down and began to inspect the cup for cracks or old stains. He didn't use the handle though, he let the cup dangle from his hand, per say, and drank out of it that way. Bláithín looked at him with a quirked brow but then let it slide. Levi began to drink from the cup.

"Oh," he said, "this black tea tastes good." He commented, surprised.

"I add ginger to it sometimes, it gives it a much more interesting flavour. Black tea is just hot leaf juice…"

Levi took a double take. "That's what _all_ tea is, dummy."

She scoffed. "Ugh, 'leaf' me alone, it's late and my brain isn't working right."

Levi shook his head upon hearing the lousy attempt of a joke and sighed. He continued to drink, still pleasantly surprised as to how good it tasted. "Did someone teach you to make such a good cup of tea?" He asked with intrigue.

Bláithín looked up and a weary sigh left her. "Yeah, my mother…"

Levi got the message that something must have happened judging by the shift in her tone. "She must have been a good person. You should be grateful."

"Of course, I am. Eternally so… She taught me what it meant to be strong but also, what it meant and how to be a lady." She stated.

"A lady? As in, a Lady of an estate?" He asked.

She nodded. "I was born in Sine, and if my uncle ever kicked the bucket, I would have inherited the estate. I would return to Mitras and be a Lady people would know me for and be proud of… Or even if I didn't inherit Certain circumstances prevented that though. At twelve, I was more or less kicked out for unknown reasons. With little else to do and nowhere to go, I was placed in the training corps. Someone brought me to a guard I think…?"

 _Oh, she remembers_ , he said to himself. _Should I ever tell her..? Perhaps, not. Not yet_.

"... Why didn't you go back? Do you not know how many people would kill to live up there?" He asked with a scowl on his face. "Shitty brat." He added.

She thought of her uncle, the abuse she got. The pain she experienced whilst living there and how it haunted her. Maybe a normal life would be far better than the hell of fighting Titans. At her age, some people were finding suitors to take their own hand in marriage. A few years after that, maybe her abdomen might have swelled with a baby inside. Would she ever be able to experience even a sliver of that kind of peace?

 _No_ , she said to herself. She wouldn't truly feel at peace until she could no longer be associated with her uncle. Even when she went out in public, people would recognise her face and its similarity to Lord Sven's. He used to be loved and adored before he went 'odd' years ago. He used to send out extra rations, some even reaching the Underground.

It was how Levi knew the Hahn insignia when he saw her.

There was a knocking on the door, a loud knock at that and it was followed by a voice.

 _"Oi, Olympia!" the man yelled, trying to open the locked door._

 _The young woman gasped and she brushed her son's raven black hair. She walked over to the basin and soaked her hands in the water and washed out any cruds or dirt from his hair. She moved her rough, calloused hands down to stroke his cheek._

 _"A noble girl from the Hahn family was born today and the people from above are handing out rations. Will you go get us some, Levi?"_

 _"Olympia, don't keep me waiting! I'll pay you double if you take me now!" he cried._

 _Kuchel gasped at the proposition and kissed Levi on the forehead and answered the door to the eager man. She was not in the mood to be used again for a man's sexual pleasure, but she had a son to provide for._

 _"Mom, is that one of your male friends?" he asked innocently._

 _She smiled sadly and nodded before rushing him out the door._

Maybe those rations helped his mom live even just a few more days. To think she would leave that lifestyle… he couldn't comprehend it.

"I am _more_ than aware that some people would kill to live in the capital, _Levi_."

Levi stared back at her, eyes widening. She knows, he said to himself. He looked away for a second and pushed his chair out, he didn't want to be scolded, or reported for that matter.

"Sit back down," she ordered, coolly, "I am not losing any more people that I am able to protect. If you are going to kill Erwin, you're going to have to come through _me_ , first." He couldn't tell if that was her being protective of her close friend or her being "heroic". He could tell she was serious though. She smiled at him and sighed. "I do trust you're not going to do anything you might regret though. Or that you won't deliberately put anyone in harm's way because of your actions."

She got up and took her cup of tea with her. "I hope you sleep well. Keep drinking that tea." She told him.

Levi looked back at her and nodded in a way of reciprocating her words. He turned his attention towards the book again. After a pensive moment, he stood up and took the book with him as he walked back to his dorm.

He continued to think of the squad leader who he was slowly getting to know. Whether he wanted to admit it or not, he realized he had no reason to be hostile to her anymore. She didn't seem to be in an immediate rush to inform Erwin of the thug's ulterior motives (or at least, she didn't have to since he already knew, unbeknownst to Levi.) If she had no reason to run off to Erwin right now, then surely she must be getting used to him too, right?

He crawled into his bed only to find someone already sleeping in it.

"Isabel? What are you doing here? You'll catch my cold." He whispered, knowing that Farlan was trying to sleep.

"Your bed is always warmer, come inside."

He was too tired and sleep-deprived from his illness to put up any kind of fight with her. "Don't come whining to me when you get a runny nose," he said as he slid under the covers. He displayed the book in front of them. "You have always liked me reading to you, huh."

She nodded as she turned her head into the crook of his neck. Levi knew Isabel was deeply attached to her, and he, too, but he would probably only ever see her as a sister. The thought of pained him of not being able to protect her, especially during the upcoming expedition. He ruffled her hair occasionally as he began to read, enjoying the vibrations that came from his chest. Levi was the most literate among the trio, being taught to read very young by a man of dubious character, Kenny. He learned everything he ever needed to survive in the underground, such as how to hold a knife and how to 'greet the neighbours'.

He continued to flip through the book until he came across a language he didn't quite recognise. He felt as though he was looking at swirls and doodles, rather than actual words. He saw sketchings and notes made in pencil in that language too. They all spoke the same language within the Walls, so the markings made it clear that Bláithín understood it too.

He decided to think nothing more of it though. After all, she received formal and prestigious education up in Mitras.

Isabel fell asleep to the sound of Levi reading poems of love, death, sadness and family, savouring the warmth he provided. After a while, he heard the sound of light snoring.

And so did the blonde haired squad leader who happened to be listening to him reading too...

* * *

PLEASE review! I'd love to know what you think!


	10. Beyond the Walls

_**Hi everyone! A lot has been going on for me recently what with college and my personal life. But I do hope there won't be as many delays in future. Something short and sweet before the next dreaded chapter**_

* * *

As expected with the expedition approaching, Bláithín began to go harder on her squad in regards to training. She briefly mentioned the expedition in more detail to the newest editions of her squad, who were - understandably - less than pleased.

If she had a recording device, the amount of times Levi, Isabel and Farlan groaned, in unison from time to time, would be enough to create a _symphony_ of unappealing moans and groans.

Not that it would be anyway pleasant. Ear-splitting would be the word, and this symphony - or perhaps, _cacophony_ \- would evoke shivers to run down spines if listened to relentlessly, day in, day out.

As per usual though, the soldiers would simply be lounging about the night before as what could be their last night together. Meat was served at dinner-time and beer was had. People shared jokes and stories and people seemed so happy. Almost as though this mess with the Titans didn't exist. Unfortunately, at the moment, Bláithín was on dish duty and couldn't partake in the fun for now.

Her hands were red-raw from the suds, but that didn't matter; that couldn't be used as an excuse. Even if the latest cuts running up her hand stung like hell, she bit her lower lip and carried on scrubbing.

Bubbles were splashing about everywhere. She plunged the final dish into the sudsy water and used the sponge to scrub off the grease or the crumbs.

She took out her hands, and retrieved a hand towel from the drawer beneath her. She was about to walk over to a table where Hange and Mike sat when she heard Isabel's voice.

"But, Levi, I want your horse that you're using!" she whined. Bláithín swore she heard her pound her fist off the table in frustration, probably. She corked a brow.

" _Hah?_ " Levi squawked. Levi turned his chair around to face the red-head. "No, get your own."

"I have my own," she murmured, hands fumbling with the sleeves of her

"Then why the fuck are you whining?"

Bláithín placed the final dish down in the drying rack before sauntering over to her squad. Isabel passed her 'oh-my-God-please-defend-me' look. Bláithín nodded and pulled a stool out for her.

"Alright...Levi, why won't you give Isabel your horse, and, Isabel, why do you want Levi's horse?" she asked, plainly.

Levi was going to speak but Isabel beat him to it by slapping him on the head and stifling any noise to escape his mouth with the heel of her palm. After a few moments and a motion to continue by Bláithín, she quickly came to the conclusion that she had no valid argument at all.

"It's a...black stallion, and I want it!" she countered, trying to look triumphant with her horrible follow up point.

"Well, I called shotgun," Levi retorted, almost exclaimed. He lounged back into his chair only to receive a look from Bláithín. "What?"

Bláithín bobbed her head up and down, slowly, allowing her thoughts to pool in the bottom of the mind. She returned her gleaming blue- eyed gaze back to Levi. "Levi, you do not call shotgun for a damn horse," she told him, as if she was ashamed of him. "But, maybe he saw it first, Isabel."

"Oh, go away, you haven't solved anything!" Isabel grumbled, folding her arms. Isabel fell back into her chair, the stool almost giving way to the floor. With a yelp, she stood up again in a tizzy, causing the three others to try and stifle some laughter. "That's not funny, I could have hurt myself."

" _Sweetheart,_ " Bláithín jeered, "don't you hurt yourself on a regular basis?" She mocked, almost in a coo.

Isabel gasped, before snorting in slight disdain. Although, she couldn't deny that she was more than used to her squad leader at this stage. "I do not!"

"You do, Isabel," Farlan corrected with narrowed eyes.

"You're a shitty liar," Levi contributed.

Bláithín nodded. For the hundredth time this evening, Isabel let a pout curl at her lips. Bláithín rolled her eyes slightly. Isabel spoke again. "Squad Leader-"

"You can call me Bláithín, you know," she told them.

"Well, anyway," the red-head continued. "What's the beach, you know, way out beyond the Walls?"

Bláithín glowered at her though it spoke of bewilderment. Why in the Walls' names did she want to know that? She chewed on her bottom lip, rubbing her forearm as she rattled her brain for an answer or too.

"Er...It's this place...that's full of sand and there is usually a large body of salty water to go splash around in," she explained, though that was a pretty vague explanation. "It's very beautiful...Oh-! How about, I try draw you a beach since the chances of Humanity ever reaching one are slim, if you leave Levi keep this majestic stallion of his?" she offered.

Levi's eyes widened before snapping his obsidian eyed gaze over to Farlan then to Isabel. "Goddamn, let her draw a masterpiece and-" he paused when another thought came to his mind. "Can you even draw? Let alone colour in a picture?" he asked.

Bláithín gaped at him, clearly offended by this. Her brows creased together in disgust for the man sitting next to her. "I can draw very well, mind you!" she cried, defensively.

"And I guess that means you can't draw for shit." Levi muttered shortly after, directly looking at her.

"Pfft," she scoffed. She brought a snow white coloured napkin over to her and withdrew the pen that had slotted between her head and left ear. "I can fucking draw, I can fucking draw a fucking beach." She grumbled to herself in a huff.

"Your pouting contradicts everything you just said there." Levi told her with a deadpan.

"I am not pouting." She retorted with a pout on her face.

"Oh, really?" Farlan queried, feigning innocence and amusement in his tone, though it overall condescending. He brought his two index fingers and forcefully pulled his lips into a frown. "' _My name is Squad Leader Bláithín, I never pout, blah de blah de blah'_. You pout all the time."

"You guys are so mean to me today, what the hell did I ever do to you?" she complained as though she was pretending the many hours spent training or the chores they were assigned never actually happened.

Isabel and Farlan looked at each other, before in unison, crying, "A lot!"

"Ah, well..." she drawled, continuing with her masterpiece. When finished, she placed her pen down with a force. "See? I think that's the greatest drawing of a person I've ever done."

Levi got up and examined the drawing. His eyes narrowed, examining every corner. "...It looks like a stupid pear," he remarked.

Farlan got up beside him before batting him on the head. "At least give her some credit. It looks like...a snowman, without a head, that has the body of a pentagon."

Bláithín shook her head, glowering at the two males before sitting down at the table again. She took away the napkin before tearing it to shreds. Farlan and Levi began muttering to each other, Bláithín hoped it wasn't about her pear-cone-snowman. "Are you guys ready for the expedition tomorrow?" she asked her squad.

"I guess so..." Isabel murmured.

It wasn't long before Bláithín retired to her own room. She lit a few of the lanterns in her room, creating a dull, amber glow. She looked over to her desk, noting that in a few days, it would be overflowing with paperwork. She sighed heavily and she leaned her back against the door to push it back only for it to stop moving when it was merely open ajar.

"Hmm?" She stepped back and opened the door to see Levi. "Can I help you, Levi?"

He glared at her fouly and clicked his tongue.

"Don't do anything stupid tomorrow like what you did the last expedition," he warned. It seemed like he was holding back. " _Nothing pisses me off more when I see a person who had everything growing up resign themselves off to death._ "

He left soon after he had spat those words at her. She brought her hands up to her head and clenched the blonde strands of hair and removed her hair from its ponytail. To say she was taken aback was an understatement. Any other squad leader would have punished the soldiers for such insubordination, but Bláithín just stood there, inhaling shakily.

Levi stood at the end of the hallway, hearing her whimper and almost turned around.

But he didn't. He retreated to his bedroom.

Levi's language was always colourful and painted with swears, but it was not often that his words would affect on such a profound level. She couldn't pinpoint what it was she felt but the best way she could describe it was _guilt_.

She felt guilt for feeling the way she did and for purposely acting reckless on the battlefield just for the demons in her head to stop haunting her; just so that Sven no longer haunted her, coupled with the pain she has felt from losing her parents and being away from Elise and now, her niece too.

Yet she also felt guilty for being alive at times, dare she say, for her whole life she was convinced - or even convinced herself too - that she was an inconvenience.

 _Sven's abuse._

 _Kicked out of home to live as Titan bait in the Shiganshina District._

 _Losing countless friends along the way..._

She shook her head before her mind became too busy and walked towards her bed after locking the door. She buried herself under the covers. A part of her would have given Levi a piece of her mind, but she couldn't because… well, what was there to say anyway?

Especially when Levi was _right_ about everything.

* * *

The next day, the Survey Corps gathered outside the Shiganshina District Exit. Some of the newest soldiers - bar Levi, Farlan and Isabel - were as excited as a swarm of buzzing bees.

Bláithín shook her head in disapproval, questioning their innocence. They certainly wouldn't be this hyper beyond the Walls, that's for sure.

"Oh, I'm so excited to see the outside!" beamed one soldier, which was enough to snap her out of her trance.

"Me too!"

 _You seriously have no idea how wrong you are_ , was what she wanted to say. Bláithín looked around at the group of soldiers. Levi, Isabel and Farlan were behind her. She looked around at her 'tching' civilians who got up at the crack-of-dawn to watch them leave. The sun shone dimly from behind the houses and some of the townspeople stood in the night-wear. They usually came along to talk shit about how much of a disgrace the Scout Regiment was, meanwhile some to looked up to their bravery. Some parents were there with despair written all over their faces for they might not get the chance again to bid farewell to their children.

Her eyes fixated on a young brunette boy, teal green eyes, with a large smile plastering his features. Beside him were two other children. The person on his left had jet black hair, beautiful really, and matching eyes. She wore a maroon coloured scarf tightly wrapped around her neck. There was another boy standing next to him, blond hair framing his face, large blue eyes. In contrast to the boy in the middle, they both wore worried expressions whereas the brunette admired the soldiers about to put their lives on the line.

"OPEN THE GATES!" Shardis bellowed at the top of his lungs, ceasing the murmurs from behind him.

The steel gates slowly rose, sedimentary rocks falling like water droplets.

"Today we will take another step forward! Let the results of your training show! Make them realize the strength of humanity!" he continued. The gates continued to rise slowly. The anticipation was killing Bláithín.

"EVERYONE! GO!"

Everyone snapped the reins of their horse, and with a loud neigh they took off at lightning speed. Kind of. Nope. Bláithín briefly looked out at her squad. _They'll be fine, Bláithín_ , she told herself, or berating herself rather for thinking such things and doubting her squad's capability. She, as did possibly everyone else, inhaled sharply, taking in the clean air that the Outside World had to offer. It was magnificent. It stunk like shit. She theorized that whatever stone the walls were made out of was the source of the smell; possibly because the stone absorbs the harsh chemicals, thus making the inside stink like a cistern.

"Amazing!" she heard Farlan comment.

"Not bad," was Levi's response on the breath-taking scenery.

She smiled softly - it certainly didn't take that much at all to impress them. They were deprived of sunlight most of their lives and it was nice to hear a positive response from each of them.

"Ha...this is the worst...we actually got outside the walls. If everything had gone according to plan, we would have an example of that thing by now. Just where exactly is Erwin hiding it?" Farlan asked.

"Don't worry. I'll deal with the Titans somehow." Levi told him.

"No matter how many titans you face-" Farlan tried to say, but Levi cut across him.

Levi snapped his head around, narrowing his eyes at his fellow comrade. "Are you saying you don't trust me?" he pressed, almost threateningly.

"No, that's not what I meant..." he sighed like a defeatist.

"Hehehe. Are you scared, Farlan?" Isabel jeered, her eyebrows furrowed, whilst wearing a cheeky smile.

He gaped at the red-head. "Hey! I'm not scared!" he protested.

"Just leave it to me, Farlan! It will be easy. I'll get rid of those nasty titans for you!" she chimed, or boasted rather.

Bláithín heaved a sigh and shook her head. "Guys, we're not at the park enjoying the fresh air! We're outside the Walls and-" she tried to yell, but once Isabelle cut across her, she realized she spoke much too placidly.

"Hey," Isabel interjected, rather coolly, unlike her passionate personality, "you can say whatever you want. If I defeat a titan-" he retorted.

She scowled back at the squabbling soldiers, which was enough to shut them up.

Sometimes, she truly felt like a mom with three young kids.

She looked at him with a calm expression. "Quiet, Isabelle, otherwise you three will not be allowed to take part in the training of the new formations from now on! Don't throw the formation out of order since we don't know when a titan is going to appear!"

 _ **"TITAN!"**_ a soldier hollered.

Bláithín gasped and immediately averted her gaze away from the soldiers in tow behind her, and set her eyes on it. This was it. Her brows creased against each other in determination. _Right, Eyebrows. Let's see if your 'human radar' works,_ she said to herself.

"On that left side of the forest, a fifteen meter class! It's coming our way!"

"Don't stop! We will fight it! Front guard, follow me! The main force will continue without chance to the supplies at the place of our destination!" Shardis ordered.

As the front guard went in to attack it, there appeared to be another one behind it. The trees kept it obscured.

"There was another one hiding behind it!"

"It's headed straight for us! Rear guard, break away from formation and attack!"

It was a twenty meter Titan. Its hair was matted down and its nose on its bridge was flat. Its physique was in proportion, its stomach aside of which was enlarged.

"Lead it back it back to the forest, this way!" a soldier ordered. But to no avail, the titan gallivanted towards the formation. "Hey, you stupid Titan! This way!"

Bláithín snapped the reins, making her horse pivot sharply and gallop faster. _Shit...an Aberrant_ , she said to herself. She corked a brow, eyeing every one of its actions and movements.

"It's an abnormal! Look out, it's going that way!" a soldier from the front guard yelled.

"It's no use, the squad will spread out! There's nobody around the cart! Squad Leader [F/n], when it comes closer, defend the cart at all costs!" she was instructed.

"Roger that!" she replied, and turned her head to her squad, really looking at Isabel, Levi and Farlan. "Don't let it get close to the cart!" she ordered. _Damn...I wonder how the trio can handle an Aberrant since they've never gotten official training. Not only that, we're on flat land,_ she thought. She gritted her teeth and furrowed her brows. "NOW!"

With that command, three soldiers went in to attack, one soldier piercing its chest and the other two piercing its back. The Aberrant spiralled its fist and grasped a soldier, namely the one that pierced its chest. _'Shit..!'_ but she had no choice but to continue unless urgent. As the titan brought the soldier to its mouth, its jaw opened, but stopped moving entirely. It was as if it had paralysis. _It stopped moving?_ Its nape was free to slice, so that's what a soldier went in to do. The soldier swung the blades over his shoulder about to slice but momentarily hesitated as it passed its eyes, but was enough for the titan to take a bite. _Crap_ , she cursed under her breath.

"How can this thing be so huge?!" a soldier exclaimed in distress.

The titan peered down at the deceased soldiers it just killed in seconds, and continued on its run.

 _Shit! Now what?! Damn. We have to fight, regardless of our strength_ , she noted.

The trio galloped in front of her while she was in her momentary tizzy. "Don't underestimate the way we fight," Levi told her. "Isabel, Farlan, let's go!" he ordered, galloping at top speed.

Farlan began to utter a curse or two, along with other distasteful things indicating his annoyance under his breath. "If I knew we would face this every time, sipping water from a gutter would be way better!" Farlan complained.

"Farlan, stop saying that and get it together!" Isabel reprimanded before tailing behind Levi, Farlan included.

"Wait, you three!" she tried to shouted, but they were gone. She fixed her posture and fell back into her saddle from her more tense position.

It was only then when Bláithín decided to see if anything she had been teaching them was working. To see if they ever listened to her. One thing was for certain and that was that they worked extremely well together.

Levi stood up on his saddle after drawing his dual blades. He just ordered Isabel and Farlan to do something which she didn't catch, but she'd soon find out. He scowled up at the titan with his menacing and ice cold eyes before launching his grappling hooks into the titan's middle back area. Levi launched his entire body forcefully into where his hook was, before impaling his blades in the same spot. He withdrew his hooks and pierced them higher up, whilst flipping his body upside down.

"NOW!" he shouted.

"Let's go, Farlan!" Isabel shouted.

The two zipped under the titan's legs, as their horses ran off away from that particular site. The two pierced its legs, and did a spin attack while slicing. Those attacks severely knocked it off balance. Levi jumped up and landed on the titan's supposed shoulder blade and sliced, whilst using his grip of the swords. It was clean and it was deep, incinerating blood splattering everywhere staining their uniforms. Bláithín was left simply awe-struck. The three landed once again.

"You were very cool, Big Bro!" Isabel beamed.

Levi was tempted to let a smile tug at his lips, holding a relaxed and possibly proud facial expression. "You guys did well too." He acknowledged.

The three went back to their horses and snapped the reins.

"Very good, you three," she remarked looking back at them. "Let's just hope we won't run into anymore titans of that size until we reach the castle."

* * *

 _ **Next chapter will be out much sooner. Sorry that this wasn't anything good and mostly dialogue-heavy - whenever I'm away from writing, my, uh, "creative juices" are lacking. In spite of this, however, I would love to hear some reviews or opinions! What do you think of Bláithín? Or do you like how Blevi's (yes, I had to) relationship is developing? I would LOVE some constructive criticism, feedback or just general opinions! Thanks so much!**_

 _ **I hope you guys' 2019 will be awesome!**_


	11. So Ist Es Emmer

**_Sorry for the long delay again, but my original plot is loosely based on the manga and it was taking a few wild twists and turns lately so I didn't want to write something from out of the ordinary._**

 ** _Also, college is very stressful, my apologies._**

* * *

The sun finally completed its tour of the day, setting at the horizon. Amber rays filled the sky as it set, with the still lingering contrasting blue, adding to spectacle.

 _You can never see this on the inside_ , Bláithín said to herself.

The Survey Corps were approaching a beaten down castle. Bláithín walked up to Isabel, Farlan and Levi, and began to undo the straps. She took all three in one hand, and guided them towards some metal bar and hooked them up to it. She retrieved two wooden crates of water and laid them out in front of them and gestured them to drink with a gentle pat one their manes.

"Squad Leader, are we really staying at this run down joint?" Isabel asked, a bit of disappointment laced her voice.

"Yeah, I doubt anyone's been here for at least a year. The walls looks pretty battered down but...it looks like they've made good use of these old ruins. Of course if the titans attacked, they'd be able to break down the walls with ease. But if we spend the night here then we should be okay." Farlan stated, trying to figure out the Corps' motives.

"That's right, titans don't attack at night, right?" Isabel questioned.

"Well, that doesn't mean anything, Isabel," Bláithín warned her. Bláithín turned around to face her, extending a finger. "We're outside the Walls. Literally anything could happen and we must constantly be as prepared as we can be."

The four walked inside the castle that was fairly lit by torch lights. Soldiers were distributing different supplies. Some were laying out blankets along the grounds. Soldiers went off into their usual clique or whatever. Bláithín had intended going over to Mike and Hange and let off a bit of steam. Erwin was busy talking to the Commander. Bláithín looked over at Isabel, Farlan and Levi who were talking...rather secretly.

"Ah, Bláithín, stop worrying," Hange told her. "I'm sure they're fine."

" _...But the documents that mattered weren't there..._ " Bláithín heard Farlan said at one point, making her feel a bit uneasy. Her mind wandered back to what she had said nights prior...

 _"I am not losing any more people that I am able to protect. If you are going to kill Erwin, you're going to have to come through me, first."_

The blonde was going to walk over there. Her blood was boiling, she was not going to let a handful of mercenaries from the underground uproot her life even more.

"Bláithín. Stop it," Mike intervened and fell onto his knees beside the two girls. Mike inhaled sharply through his nose, as if this whiff could solve all. "...I don't like this place all that much..." he grumbled, wriggling his nose.

Bláithín noticed Farlan, Levi and Isabel wander off. She shook her head and gave their actions a lazy wave. She walked down and sat in front of Hange and Mike.

"Are the thugs behaving?" the tall man asked.

She pursed her lips into a tight line before looking at him for a second. How did he have the audacity to speak to her so calmly after everything he had done to her. "It took a while, but I've finally broken through to them...okay, kind of."

"What about the 'grouchy shithead'?" Hange asked. She butted in before Bláithín had the chance to speak.

"We've kind of got some sort of 'if you respect me, then I'll respect you' relationship." She commented.

She stood up, and picked a bag that she was going to use as a pillow for the evening.

"You mean that guy who took out the twenty meter class?" Hange exclaimed, her hands hitching onto her kneecaps.

"Yeah, that's him," she breathed, lying down on the bag, hands lazily crossed at the back of her head.

The three eventually walked back into the room, making Bláithín feel uneasy again, and shifting her weight to her elbows. Her head jerks at any movements made by the trio.

"We'll have to kill him..." Levi was heard say.

Bláithín's eyes widened greatly upon hearing this.

"...I'm going to speak to them. You've gotten loads of time with them, now it's my turn," Hange stated, and began to shuffle over to the three friends after adjusting her glasses to the bridge of her nose.

She was going to yell to Hange to just wait, but was too late, for she was already at the group. Bláithín grimaced out of possible discomfort, but there was some humour in it, as she watched the unfolding scene that the reckless Hange decided to join.

"Hey! Can I disturb you for a moment?" she asked, a large grin forming her features. "I saw it, you know. The decisive moment!"

"The decisive moment? What are you talking about?" Levi asked.

"What am I talking about?" she quizzed, voice brimming with energy, hunching her back, and resting her hands on her knees. "It's obvious that I'm talking about that titan you brought down! That really was amazing! I was overwhelmed with excitement!"

"Ah..." he breathed, realization now hitting him. He personally though it wasn't anything that impressive by the looks of it.

"Ugh, Hange!" Bláithín moaned, shaking her head.

"I haven't spoken much to you but everyone in the corps know me! You're Levi, right?" she asked, before averting her eyes to Isabel. "This girl over here is Isabel," before averting her eyes to Farlan, but stumbled for his name. "And this is..."

"Farlan." He grumbled.

She plopped herself hard onto the ground sitting in between Isabel and Farlan, and playfully slapped his shoulder. "Right, right, Farlan! Nice to meet you!" she beamed, enthusiastically. She turned her gaze towards the grouchy shithead. "You didn't come here from the training Corps, did you Levi? How are you so skilled at using the 3DMG?" she pestered. He simply scowled at her.

"...Nothing special. I simply practiced." was his response.

"Did you learn from anyone? The first time I tried it, I had a hard time balancing. You should have seen Bláithín, she had no coordination from time to time, and when she does, it's always a mere stroke of luck! She's honestly hilarious!" she exclaimed, slapping her knee. Bláithín scowled at her, faking a smile of sorts. Hange shrugged at first, letting out a giggle. "Do you have any tricks or tips for improving?" she asked, looking at Isabel.

"Not really." She growled through her gritted teeth.

" _Maaaan_ , you don't mince words, huh? Even a tiny hint would be great," she pried. She turned her head to the other soldiers in the vicinity. Everything now quietening, the majority of the soldiers turned their attention towards the three friends. "Come on, I'm pretty sure everyone's _itching_ to know...Everyone saw how you fought. The way you fight encourages us to believe that humanity will not lose to the titans. It was really awe-inspiring to watch!" she confessed.

"He-he-he! We're amazing, aren't we!?" Isabel boasted. "They're thinking better of us? Did you get a good look?"

"Yep, it was awesome. Which is exactly why Levi should-"

"-Big Bro is the strongest one out there! Even in the Underground he was the strongest!"

"Really now! I'd love to know the secret to his strength, you know!" she replied, not even trying to hide this weird form of desperation. The brunette snapped her head again to the ravenette sitting before her. "Hey, Levi-"

"Big Brother is um...um..." Isabel stuttered. "Anyways, he's strong!"

Hange flashed her a smile and took out a sewn pouch, and handed it to the cheerful redhead. "Here, Isabel. Would you like to try some of these sweets I got from a friend?" she offered. Isabel swiped it out of her grasp and taste tested the sweet with the tip of her tongue before placing it all in her mouth. "So how about it?" she asked, averting her eyes to Levi. "Would you be willing to let us know what goes on inside your head?"

"I can't. I'm self-taught. It's not something that you can easily teach to others." he responded, coolly.

"But-?"

He shook his head, "Sorry. I'm exhausted."

Hange furrowed her brows dejectedly and stood up. "I see...I'm sorry for disturbing you. Thank you, Isabel. Thank you, Farlan," she expressed, patting their shoulders. "Let's take a nice long chat next time, okay? If we make it back alive, I'll buy you lunch sometime." and lightly waved them goodnight. She walked back over to their squad leader. "Jeez, Bláithín...You've such a depressing squad..." she commented.

"Tell me about it," she grumbled, and stood up. "Before we leave tomorrow, I guess I have to go over Erwin's strategy with them," she announced before walking over to the trio.

Shortly after going through the scouting formation, Bláithín returned to her group of friends, plugging her ears.

She tried relaxing into her place before remembering something. "Isabel!" she shouted, disregarding the fact that some people had fallen asleep.

Isabel perked up from her conversation with her two friends. She gasped when a paper-aeroplane hit her head. She picked it up and opened it.

"Good aim," Hange acknowledged.

"I know, right?"

Isabel unfolded the piece of paper to find it a picture of a beach bursting with colours to greet her. Cerulean, cobalt and baby blue etched on the paper indicated the ocean and the various shades of yellows and oranges indicated the silky sand. She actually could draw. Kind of - for certain people, it merely looks like a large portion of blue and a large portion of yellow.

"It's a beach. Now, leave Levi's horse alone," she ordered.

"It's fine, she settled for another one," Farlan told her.

Isabel began to write a message with an old pen she conveniently happened to find on the ground. As scribbled away, Bláithín gaped at her.

"Ugh! Give it back, I worked hard on that stupid picture!" she cried.

Levi took it off her, folded it up and sent the paper aeroplane back to her. It hit off Bláithín head causing her to pout.

The next day, the Survey Corps took off bright and early before the titans sniffed them out. The sunlight was practically white and blinding. Bláithín squinted her eyes in better efforts to make her surroundings visible.

After a few minutes of the formation traveling like a wedge of some sort, Erwin bellowed, "ALL SQUADS! EXECUTE LONG DISTANCE SCOUTING FORMATION!" With his arms spread out wide.

Within mere minutes of riding up north after assembling the formation, Bláithín and her squad noticed a few red flares dart through the sky.

"It's a huge battalion but...it's moving as if everyone has become one. Yep, I should've known that Squad Leader Erwin's no ordinary guy. Looks like he's arranged it so there's no chance of the rear guard running into any titans before we reach the next supply post." Farlan pointed out.

"Up 'til now, we've changed course fourteen times. Guess there's a lot more of 'em then you'd think, huh?" Isabel presumed, counting on a few of her fingers.

"So in other words, we're all fucked if we stop moving. Is that what you're saying?" Farlan asked.

Their squad leader sighed heavily. If they wanted to go and have a picnic, there are in fact surprisingly pleasant places back inside the Walls to sit down and engage in casual banter. "Basically, yes, now pay attention or-" Bláithín began to say, but looked up at the sky. Her lips parted and her face scrunched up when a droplet bounced off her nose.

Levi grumbled to himself. "Oi. What's up with you?" Levi snapped, a bit bewildered as she lost her train of thought.

"...We're about to head into some heavy rain - stay alert!" she ordered, whilst looking up at the thick, grey clouds that continued to pile onto one another.

"Squad Leader?! What on earth...This shouldn't be happening!"

"Well, guess what: it is! Stay alert, because it's going to get messy!" she shouted back at her squad, who all nodded in response. Bláithín already had to squint her eyes as the rain began to pelt against them. But to make matters worse, the storm clouds just happened to be a pain and brought some fog as well. "Shit! DON'T BREAK FORMATION! YOU MUST STAY TOG-"

"What the hell are you saying, Squad Leader Bláithín?!" Farlan exclaimed.

Bláithín heaved a sigh and shielded her face with her forearm.

"Isabel! Farlan! Don't get separated!" Levi called out, concern and distress heavily lacing his tone.

Bláithín looked behind at her squad; the situation continued to go downhill. Lightning struck first, and the bang followed. She squinted her eyes from the brilliant, white light that could blind someone in close range. The violent booming was unfathomable to describe. It was so sudden and far too soon to have brought _that_ much destruction.

Bláithín went to fire the flare for an emergency as it was the first thing that came to mind, as to everyone else, but the smoke washed away with the pelting drops as fast as it was fired. It was as if it was washed down the drain again. "SHIT!" Her horse's hoof momentarily skidded with the wed mud, and almost fell off the saddle. _Almost_. She sucked in a breath, trying to calm herself down. She stroked its main for a few seconds. "Easy, it's alright..." she soothed before she gulped.

The squad continued to battle Mother Nature's power, but it was proved just about impossible as the fog thickened. Bláithín shook her head in disapproval. But they had no choice but to ride on.

"Can it be that their visibility has been cut off?!" Farlan questioned. His voice was just about definable through the lashing rain.

"Hey! What the hell are we gonna do!? We totally lost sight of everyone!" Isabel yelled.

"All we can do is keep moving. We shouldn't be that far off from the rest of the squad," he replied. "We just have to keep going forward blindly...and hope that this fog will clear up fast-!"

"Can you guys hear me!?" Bláithín shouted back. "But the way things are moving now, flares are going to be completely useless no matter how much time passes!" she shouted out amidst the dense fog, voice becoming more muffled by the second. She might as well have been screaming into her pillow.

"Squad Leader?! Do your noise rounds still work!?" Farlan called out.

"They should!" she replied. "Keep moving forward and follow the sound of my voice if not!"

This was too much for Bláithín Hahn, far too much for her to take. Panic had overridden all other feelings and notions; she couldn't concentrate and frankly, she had never felt so terrified. She had a duty to protect her squad and she had a very strong feeling that today she would not succeed in doing so.

She looked back at them, identifying the murky figures as best as she could and she gulped. She suddenly felt her eyes well with tears.

 _Huh... why am I crying?_

Bláithín normally didn't falter like this. She looked back one more time and as though she had no control over herself, she muttered the words, _"I'm sorry."_

Sorry because she had a strong inkling she was going to fail them.

That she was was going to fail herself; that she wasn't going to be perfect.

Sorry to herself because once again, she felt like a worthless squad leader.

Even after everything she had been through, Bláithín was still weak and emotional.

If only people - and in particular, her squad - could see her now... that behind her stable exterior that seemed to be at peace, was a frightened little girl who ached for the love and attention she never received as a child which, in turn, morphed into an unhealthy obsession of perfection. A mixture of depression, tears and hopelessness; a nightmare of unspoken fears and immense pain and suffering.

Bláithín looked over her shoulders. She could just about see the shadows of her squad's horses. _Just_. She felt a great sense of uncertainty all around her; it literally felt as if it was being breathed upon her by a titan. Just then, she heard a noise round, and she jerked her head. _What...?_ Behind her she could hear squabbling between Isabel, Farlan and Levi, but it wasn't definable at all now, the fog kept thickening.

Hard to see, hard to breathe.

She couldn't concentrate.

And all of sudden, she couldn't hear them anymore.

* * *

The situation worsened beyond what was originally thought possible.

Her horse was circling the titans, as she tried to find the nape of their necks. Amongst the fog and pelting rain, soldiers' screams were to be heard.

Bláithín's heart was in her mouth, she could hear little else but a throb, but that was no valid reason not to take action. "Don't move! I'll help you!" Bláithín shouted up to him.

Only the soldier's upper body was visible. His waist down was in the jaws of an flesh-eating, depraved monster.

 _ **"SQUAD LEADER BLÁITHÍN! DON'T COME ANY CLOSER!"**_ he protested. Panic and hopelessness laced his tone, shaking his head frantically. "JUST GET OUT OF HERE, PLEASE!"

 _"NO!"_ she screeched.

"TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF! PLEASE GO BACK TO YOUR OWN-" but his speech became muffled and fell to a nought when engulfed by the putrescent lips of the titan.

The titan had smothered him and shoved him into its large mouth. His hand was cupped so it was kind of inevitable. Bláithín stepped back a few feet, though she was still listening for other signs of trouble. She heaved an almost self-disappointed sigh. Anger and revenge wouldn't bring him back. She mounted her horse to find more suitable place to pick the fight.

She heard Farlan shout something over into her direction. But it soon became quiet.

"FARLAN!" Isabel and her both screamed.

Bláithín mounted her horse and galloped into the direction of his voice, when she saw a figure with pigtails zip through the air. "Shit..! ISABEL! GET **BACK**! I'll take it out!"

She was throwing caution into the wind by zipping up to the titan from her original post. Bláithín was closer, it would have been easier. She jumped into its opening fist and sliced its fingers.

"HYAH!" she screamed, triumphantly. She withdrew her grappling hooks and pierced its arm higher up from its original position. She swooped down to slice its nape, but to her horror, she missed and struck its shoulder blade area. Isabel's body stiffened and buckled as the gravity of her mistake hit her, and hard.

"ISABELLE, NO!" Bláithín screamed, and ascended into the air to assist her.

But she was too late to do anything; her gear had malfunctioned and she was jammed into its back. She couldn't move, her gear was caught. Both stopped dead in their tracks to do anything and a titan bent down and simply stared at her, its mouth open wide to have its snack.

"Bi...BIG BRO-!" she tried to wail, but the titan shoved its head into her, and down came her decapitated head.

Bláithín tumbled to the ground again, as she watched another one of her squad fall prey to the Titans in the space of a few minutes. _Where's Levi?_ she asked herself.

Farlan was still in a dangerous position; he was right in front of the two titans, about to fall prey to one of them. "YOU FUCKING BASTARD!" he seethed, out of pure maleficence. He went to pierce the titan...But alas, if one fell, they might as all well have fallen; his gear was disconnected. "WHAT THE-!? Fuck, it's disconnected!"

 _No...No...I'm not going to lose anyone else out here!_ she swore, solemnly. She ascended as fast as lightning and went in to slice. "I will not leave anybody behind anymore! Farlan, I want you to find a horse and get some help, anyone who is alive!" she ordered.

"BEHIND YOU!" Farlan warned. "There's one more!"

Mid-air, Bláithín spun around sharply and noticed a titan's claw like grip coming dangerously close. It snatched her in that split second, its fingers threatening to shatter her rib-cage. She coughed up a great globule of maroon liquid, shutting her eyes to fight through the white hot pain. Tears immediately spilled down her cheeks, and she huffed relentlessly. A stench resembling decaying flesh greeted her nostrils. She closed her eyes, facing the inevitability that she was going to die when something clicked.

 _"Don't make yourself look like some piss-poor hero. Have some dignity and value your life, you idiot."_

She was getting tired now, the pain was immense. Still, she made an effort to appear to be fighting back. She stabbed the Titan in its eyes and it cried out. It was enough to make it loosen its clench around her and she fell to the ground in a heap.

She saw other soldiers sigh with relief, knowing she was still alive. She was a perfect soldier. But she was not a perfect person.

She attempted to stand but she gasped in horror noting that she didn't feel anything in her legs. She lightly dashed her fingers against her rib cage, feeling the crimson blood soaking through her shirt. Her legs felt like they had been _crushed_ and could barely stand, but that didn't matter. She still had to put Farlan's safety above her own.

To look perfect.

"Farlan!" she screamed out, jabbing her dual blades into the ground to keep her standing. "Fuck..." she hissed, brows knitting together in immense pain. "F-Farlan! FARLAN, CAN YOU HEAR ME!?"

Where was he?

"FARLAN! NO, NO!" she protested, denying the inevitable that had probably happened. She ascended into the air again, despite her agonizing pains stunting her performance, she searched for him.

But it was too late.

He was gone.

As were the titans that massacred all of the soldiers around her.

Her lips trembled and tears bubbled over her cheeks. Bláithín landed on the ground in a heap again. She let out a groan - she knew her body was about to give out now. She clutched her abdomen for dear life until her body keeled over from its squatting position. Once she realized she had landed on her crushed knees, she threw herself onto her behind.

Rage like no other burned through her soul. She bit her lower lip, stifling a scream of anger, loathe for herself and the Titans. If her body was able to do something, she would have gone out and torn that Titan to shreds. Was she responsible for their deaths? 'I was too slow...' she told herself.

Her entire being was consumed by an inky shadow.

The Titan peered over her, sadistically hovering over her slowly. As it lowered its hand to her, trying to get a form of her body correct for its grip. Bláithín inhaled a shaky breath, accepting her demise - there was nothing she could do to save her. Suddenly, the Titan jerked and a vicious battle cry like no other assaulted her eardrums.

This person was screaming, venting through his slaughtering.

Slice.

Tear.

Rip.

Her eyes widened upon noticing the mop of black hair belonging to the man who was almost dashing over the Titan. His cuts were deep, clean, swift, agile and deadly, even if Titans just regenerated.

Bláithín gasped. She recognized this voice over the past few months. Her wheezy breaths increased in pace, as the man's vocal chords emphasized the sheer disdain for these mindless, man-eating monsters. If he found out that she had failed to protect his best friends, what would he say? Would he hate her more than he already did? Never talk to her again?

The man who was screaming his heart out, all the while crying, who had just finished decapitating the Titan was none other than her still standing squad member...

It was Levi.

She suddenly felt as if she had to be there for him. She had no reason for this at all either, which confused her a lot.

Levi howled out once more, rolling and slicing down the Titan's arm, before jumping up to viciously slice the nape.

Levi stood over a fallen Isabel, she could hear him whimpering through bereavement.

That was the last thing she'd ever expect to hear from him - she even deemed his screaming as uncharacteristic of him.

But he was human, he had feelings too that were just kept behind his abrasive persona. And it was obvious that when his two best friends died, he was going to be heartbroken. Tears and blood stained his face, but his bangs did a good job of concealing it.

The raven-haired man gasped upon noticing the close proximity of his squad leader. He ran over to her and he picked her up, swinging an arm around his shoulder. He pulled her face to look at him. He patted her wounds on her cheek and she looked up at him.

She could already see it - he looked so dead inside. He looked so tired, physically, emotionally and mentally. Loss this great and this dear was something he wasn't experienced enough in. His eyes had some light in them at the time, but now she felt like she was looking into an endless abyss of emotional pain, guilt, melancholy and pure hatred.

Inhaling sharply, she cupped his cheek. _"I'm sorry."_

She continued to whimper. "Isabel a-and F-Farlan... they are..." she sniffled.

For a split second, Levi gnashed his teeth together, his eyes growing darker and emptier by the second. "Dead."

Nothing too much, but it was enough to convey something to him. He averted his gaze, giving a final sniffle, backing away slightly, but enough to feel the warmth of the fingers on his bloody cheek.

She saw him crack, his exterior had cracked in front of her. But she had experienced this so many times before.

It wasn't much, but she whispered, "It will be okay...I promise you that you'll be okay..." she whispered ever so softly.

She took away her hand, knowing it was probably invading his personal space. It didn't provide much of anything. But, if he was going to be completely honest with himself, he appreciated it a small bit...because for a few seconds, he felt nothing...

And it felt... _better_.

He was mourning over his friends' death, very true, but with her here he felt lost, if that was the right words. Everything froze temporarily. As if nothing had happened - time wasn't moving. His hearing was warped and all he could hear was his heart beating rampantly from the anger that still had yet to leave his system.

"Shh... it'll be okay," she whispered gently to him one last time.

She felt another sharp pain radiating up her legs, too powerful to bear. She fell to the ground in a heap once again, not having the strength to shed a few tears of this pain. Her eyelids were droopy.

Levi had attempted to grab her while she tumbled but he was too late. He briefly examined her injuries. He internally cringed upon seeing the open fractures on her legs.

Rain pelting against her already dripping wet face, she sighed. The droplets were coaxing her eyelids to fall, but she stayed awake. All she could do, all that she wanted to use her energy for was to look into his dead, bloodshot eyes and say, "I'm sorry,"

He didn't look at her after that and looked the other way after firing a purple flare.

After Levi's confrontation and row with Erwin, Bláithín was placed into a wagon. After a few groans and grunts, she eventually got into a lying position. Levi stepped onto the wagon and sat beside her.

He watched her for a few minutes as she tried to adjust to the bumpiness of the wagon. He exhaled heavily and that caught her attention.

"Why are staring at-?" She asked but paused as she clutched her stomach, her back arching as she writhed in pain for a few seconds.

Levi watched her, concern for her physical injuries flooding through him. "Don't move. Relax." He told her, looking into her eyes.

Tears sprung in her eyes again and she clamped them shut, her lips parting. "It h-hurts," she sobbed. She inhaled sharply. "It hurts so much."

Levi looked back at her. "I'm sure it does... Just don't move, you'll-"

"-Make it worse," she finished. "I know..." she added, solemnly.

Levi stood at the edge of the wagon, on look out for any titans who may have decided to follow them home. He gripped his blades tightly, looking out at the vast landscape. He vowed to protect her.

Maybe they died under her supervision, but the poor girl needed a break. He wouldn't dare question her about it, for she may be as traumatized as him too. He looked back at her and he felt his chest stiffen when he saw her wincing in pain. Her wounds had been bandaged but blood was seeping through at an alarming rate still.

He muttered a curse under his breath and made a vow.

 _"I am not fucking losing anyone else."_

* * *

 ** _For those who mightn't know, an open fracture is when the bone breaks but it sticks out through the skin_**

 ** _Please REVIEW! Constructive criticism is greatly appreciated._**

 ** _Stay cool_**

 ** _\- Kirsten_**


	12. Pain

Levi sat in the seemingly lonely Mess Hall. It was dark and no candles were lit; a homage to the soldiers, perhaps. It was impossible to imagine that a place that once held so much happiness, chatter and laughter had turned into one of emptiness; a place of loneliness.

He sighed softly as he stared at his reflection in the cup of black tea. He finished the last drop, savouring the taste before standing up.

Levi seemed to be finished the grieving process much faster than others, but only because he was used to people leaving him. His mother died at a young age, followed by being abandoned by some older man named Kenny in the Underground District and countless others along the way. This loss came at the biggest shock though.

Levi would continue doing what he had always done: stifling his troubles down, lest they wouldn't bother him this way.

Hange came in not long after, wearing her military uniform but without the braces from her gear. She fetched herself a cup of water before building up the courage to talk to the man who met everyone with a scowl. "Uh… Hi, Levi. How are you doing?"

"Fine." He retorted back quickly.

It didn't take two seconds for Hange to deduce that he was the very opposite of fine, but this was common - repressing your emotions. She didn't want to press it, he was already extra sensitive and irritable as it is. He just lost his two best friends.

"You still haven't heard from Bláithín yet, have you? It's been almost a week." She said.

She noticed Levi's eyes widen for a moment, for everyone was concerned about the young girl. Every now and then, during the rare ventures from outside her bedroom, she would lock eyes with one of the elites only for her to ignore their gazes and inquisitive stares. She had shut herself away from the world. If people inquired of her condition, she would insist she was fine and go get herself a glass of water, only to return.

"If you're really so concerned about her, why don't you go talk to her?" Levi responded, coolly. Hange stared at him, mouth slightly agape. Surely he felt some sort of appreciation and cared from her somewhat, right? He knew he did too, but his facade wouldn't allow him to show it. He sighed heavily again and said, "I mean… I have seen her once or twice and she has ignored me both times. Did you give her medicine just in case she is sick?"

Hange smirked, he was definitely concerned. "Yeah, whether she has taken it or not, I have no idea. Her ribs were successfully moved back in place and her leg wounds have healed quite nicely, give that she is walking around and-"

She was interrupted by the sound of the door opening. Lo and behold, it was the fair-haired squad leader.

And by the goddesses, she had changed. Her hair had lost its shimmer, her complexion was pale and dark purple and black shadows hung under her eyes. Most noticeable of all, she had lost an unhealthy amount of weight and a bit of muscle mass also.

Hange shot Levi a look but he was rooted to the floor, not taking his eyes off his superior. He scoffed at her helpless state but this turned into an expression of concern upon noticing how she wobbled with every step she took. It appeared she wasn't eating at all. The death of Isabel and Farlan had affected Levi and Bláithín in different ways, but it affected the blonde in ways nobody had expected.

Levi grabbed her over to him and looked into her once oceanice, blue eyes but were now robbed of their shimmer and shine, and replaced with something akin to lifelessness. His gaze was enough to ask, "Are you okay?"

She shimmied out of his grasp. "P-please don't talk to me…" she said with a laboured exhale.

He pulled her back again though, Hange coming over this time. He was pissed, pissed she let herself get to this state. He made a sound similar to a 'tch' and he placed his fingers up to her forehead. "Oi, dumbass, why are you burning up?! You've lost so much weight too, why aren't you eating anything?!"

Bláithín coughed and with a croaky voice, she said, "I'm fine… Please, just leave me alone…"

Hange came over and attempted to block her way so that she could accept the help she really needed. "You are pale, you have a fever… You are not well. Let us help you, Bláithín."

The blonde shook her head and succeeded in brushing past them. She clutched her head in one hand and coughed into the other as she walked. They stared at her, noting she couldn't walk in a straight line and within seconds, she fell to the floor, drained of energy and strength.

Levi was quick to catch her before her head hit the ground. He sighed heavily, annoyed that in his own state of grief, he had to tend to his superior. He held her up, slung her arm around his shoulder and dragged her to her room.

 _Just my goddamn luck_ , he said to himself. He could clearly tell she hadn't washed herself in a while too which was a major concern for the short male.

"Oi, Shit Glasses, bring up some wet towels and a bucket of water for me!" he called down, miffed.

"Sure thing, my darling!" she sang back.

He kicked the door open to her room. As a squad leader, she got a bigger room and didn't have to share with anyone. Just like her condition, the room paralleled it; clothes were all over the floor, some drinks of water and tea were piling up on her table (along with a mountain of paperwork) and the room was dusty. Levi groaned at the sight and laid her down on the bed. He then opened the curtains and the window, leaving sunlight filter through the blinds. He leaned on the window-sill as he stared at her.

You idiot, how could you be so careless, he said as he shook his head. He looked around the room and pulled over a stool that he saw in the corner. He sat down next to her. He gasped when he noticed beads of sweat forming on her brows.

"Han-!" he had called out but the bespectacled scientist had already come into her room.

"Heeere, I am!" she announced, joyfully. But she soon adapted a serious nature for the situation at hand. Levi had his hand out to take a wet cloth and he placed it on her forehead. "She must be suffocating underneath all of this." She gestured Levi to move aside before turning around to wink at him.

"Oi, what does that mean?"

"Maybe block your eyes," she said as she moved towards the buttons of squad leader's pajama top, "I'll have to unbutton her top so that she doesn't overheat… You may find it a bit _promiscuous_ ~" she teased.

"Oh, my God, shut the fuck up. Besides, the girl is an eyesore in the state," he groaned as he covered his eyes. He tapped his foot as he waited, "Can you at least enlighten me as to what the hell is wrong with her?"

"I am pretty sure I warned her to change her bandages every few hours… I guess she got lazy which lead to her wounds becoming infected. Her body is trying to flush out the toxins. Oh, you can turn around now." She told him.

Levi pivoted around and sat on the bed. "Troublesome idiot." He muttered. He can't believe he was saying this, but watching her in this pitiful state made him want nothing more to be ordered around by her, rather than watching her like a father and a sick child. He did feel a tinge of guilt for not checking up on her though; after all, she was the only one left in this regiment whom he felt closest with. At the same time, he was disgusted at her lack of self-respect to even change her bandages.

"Leviiiii, I have to say… I reckon you have it _baaaaad_ for Bláithín," she sang to him and he glared at her furiously. "I'm a woman too, you know? I know your heart must _ache_ to see her so ill."

Levi growled, "I will literally snap your neck in half if you continue."

Hange's face shimmered with glee, a toothy smile adorning her mouth. "I am quite knowledgeable after studying Titans and basic human anatomy… I know all of the _sensitive spots_ to seduce a woman… what touches will make her fall head-over-heels in love with you."

Levi's head fell into his lap, shaking his head in dismay.

"Bláithín is quite gorgeous too, and I know that men do have their _needs_ from time to time…" she drawled.

His teeth gnashed together in annoyance and he pulled her over by the collar. Levi knew he had to keep his composure though, he heard the unconscious squad leader murmur a few times. He let her go and mumbled a heartless an apology under his breath.

"I'm only teasing, Levi, lighten up, would ya?" she told him. "But it is normal to feel a deeper connection out of concern."

"Fine, I care about her, alright?!" he retorted. She couldn't talk if she was missing her teeth, right? Because he was considering socking her right then and there.

"Well, I always thought the doors only swung one way for you for _AGES_! I wasn't expecting to be so incorrect…" she mused.

 _Note to self, Shitty Glasses' death wish might just be granted_ , he said to himself.

* * *

" _GIVE THEM BACK TO ME! GIVE ME BACK THE TWO DAMN PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY CARED FOR ME! GIVE ME BACK ISABEL AND FARLAN!"_

Bláithín's dream slowly washed away, like water slowly dripping from a faucet and was thus brought back to reality.

She could no longer deny it - she played a large role in Levi's late friends' deaths. If only she hadn't been so slow…

She felt everything - shame, grief, sorrow, anger - but now, she felt nothing but self-pity, but coupled with self-loathing.

She was angry at Levi. The squad's best fighter abandoned his comrades, his friends, in their time of need to go fulfil his own selfish desires. The outcome may have been better if he was there fighting with her. She felt most anger towards herself though. The death of her squad felt like a disgrace to herself; a disgrace to humanity. Had her agility and strength been better - hell, had her resolve been better to break free from the jaws of the titan she was trapped in - maybe a lot would have turned out differently.

Instead, Levi's closest friends died gruesomely, their bodies rotting away out beyond Wall Maria somewhere.

Sure, they were not experienced soldiers, but their know-how of 3DMG made them more self-sufficient compared to any of the other rookies. They could have served humanity greatly if they had came back alive, becoming formidable soldiers in return.

And now, Bláithín couldn't bring herself to leave the confines of her bedroom, too humiliated and ashamed. She couldn't bare be reminded of everyone else mourning the loss of their loved ones. Moreover, she couldn't bare look at Levi in the eyes after what she had done.

Her destructive thoughts were going to get her nowhere but lead her into a panic attack. She placed a hand on her heart and coaxed it steady and inhaled slowly. As she came to her senses, she felt a slight pressure on her hand. She saw Levi hunched over on a stool, fast asleep, gently holding her hand. The sight of him was enough to trigger the waterworks.

She savoured the warmth that his hands provided against her cold ones before propping herself up. This action caused a slumbering short male to jolt awake, grumpily. "You're not going anywhere." He warned, noting she had peeled away her duvet.

She shrank back down into her previous position. She noticed someone had changed her clothes and bandages. "How long have I been out? What happened?"

"Eight hours," he spoke curtly. "You collapsed after being so utterly incompetent at changing your bandages and lead to a nasty infection. You're probably malnourished."

She nodded. "I'll go fix myself up then," she said as she attempted to get up but Levi held her down by the shoulders and pushed her back.

"I have been ordered to mind you since you, a fucking grown-up, can't find it within herself to tend to her wounds and even eat. What the hell is wrong with you? Pull it together." He warned.

But he knew why she was doing this. The poor girl was made believe she was useless her whole life and that from the beginning, she was nothing more than a mistake. Something that should have been destroyed a long time ago. She lives with guilt day in, day out, simply for being alive. But not to this extent.

He quirked a brow and mused to himself. _She's not doing this to herself on purpose right?_

"Can I at least get myself something to eat?" she asked.

"You've been starving yourself all week and _now_ you want food? Don't make me laugh. Besides, there is food on your bedside locker, courtesy to yours truly." He said.

Taking a deep, pensive breath, she said, "The sight of me must be too horrible to bare witness to at the moment. Aren't I doing you a favour?"

He shook his head in dismay. "Why?" he asked, his voice soft but blunt.

She pushed past him with ease and got up. She hobbled over to the door with great difficult, only for her legs to give way again. "Ugh!" she grunted. She rubbed her behind from the impact. The blonde gasped upon feeling hands hook under her arms and pull her up. "L-Levi?!"

He pulled her back to her bed wordlessly, emotionlessly. He made a gesture at her pulled back duvet and she took the instruction and got in.

"Stay there." He ordered.

"No." She huffed.

"You have no energy to even walk ten feet, so it's not like you have a choice. You are staying, it's a damn order." He told her, sternly.

"Please leave me alone…"

"No, not until I can see that an eighteen year old such as yourself can be self-sufficient."

"Levi, please."

"For fuck's sake, Bláithín, if you continue to argue with me-!" He stopped. He immediately stopped when she hung her head low and her shoulders began to shake. "Bláithín?"

She lifted her head up and she whimpered in agony. She gasped for air, her throat raspy and cried some more. Almost as though she was begging for it all to end right now.

For the first time, he saw her crumble apart and fail to fix herself. He had seen miniscule slips in her facade here and there, but it was something he'd have to take a double-take for. Now, she was slipping in front of him and all he could do was watch. After all, it wasn't within his nature to hug someone when they were upset. He was more a man of few words and actions, but he used them wisely.

"Y-You just don't understand the pain I'm in, do you…? Oh yeah, it's not like you would. You're Levi… Do you know how much it hurts to mourn the death of people, whose deaths were a direct result of your own actions?!"

 _I do_ , was what he wanted to say. But for now, he'd let her cry. She probably had been holding it all inside until now. She needed this.

"How could you know though? You're so strong and- and you do everything with precision," she continued. She removed her hands from her glossy, blue eyes. "I can't… it- it hurts, Levi… it hurts too much."

In this life, there were many things that shocked Levi, but not many would root him to his current position and render him speechless. He watched her pour her heart out, being so honest for the first time to him - her subordinate.

And it was so, _so_ human.

To the point that Levi felt a slight twinge in his heart.

Within seconds, he was pulled down against her body in a hug. She didn't care whether he was a fan of these things or not; she just needed the comfort of someone being next to her, someone close to her, someone who may not think she is worthless after all. She relished the guilt and self-pity she felt all the while pulling him closer to her, finding comfort in the fact that he didn't fight it.

Though he was stiff in her arms, he didn't leave her go. He let her use him, just this once, if it meant she would stop crying. He didn't want to see this happen again, and the sound of her whimpers dulled his hearing and turned everything into a mere throb.

Just this once, he would let her unravel like this and use him for comfort.

Just this once would he wind himself up and worry over someone like her.

He couldn't deny that he didn't mind the close, physical connection. Her whimpers still jabbed the cold, frigid air and he allowed himself to relax fully.

Two immensely scarred people, both deprived of affection were able to find solace and comfort in each other. As he listened to her cry, he clamped his lips shut too, knowing that if lost his composure over the same reason in front of her, it… well, he felt it wouldn't be the right thing to do.

He released himself from her tight grip after a while, noting her shallow breathing. Asleep at last.

He got up and stared at her with a hooded gaze, his heart beating a bit faster than normal. _Okay, stop_ , he said to himself, coaxing his heart slow. He left her room and yet still, his heart wouldn't let up. _I said stop_ , he told himself.

"Ehh, weird." He mumbled to himself.

* * *

 _ **Hey guys! please REVIEW! Feed your fellow author with reviews and feedback, I'd really, really appreciate to hear what you guys have to say. And thanks to those who clicked follow recently, you're the best!**_


	13. To Mitras

_23/07/19: Hi everyone! Apologies for such a long delay, I'll try keep this brief. My personal life has been hectic; had to say goodbye to my partner, lost a special friend who introduced me to writing and it had me quite sad to write again, school exams, trying to reverse my health condition, violin recitals, etc. Please forgive me. This is just a super brief chapter and the next chapter will be on its way very shortly! Hopefully it will be done by tomorrow, or in two days from now._

 _Don't forget to **REVIEW/FAVOURITE/FOLLOW** if you enjoyed it. It means so, so much! _

_\- Kirsten._

* * *

Bláithín sat on her bed around two weeks later, reading a letter she had received. She was now dressed back in her military uniform, minus the harnesses. The Survey Corps had all mostly recovered physically; with many of the elites being injured, Commander Shadis agreed to have a freeze on all Scout activity except for training.

Her windows had been opened and lit up the room. With Levi occasionally checking on her every now and then, there was no way in hell he was spending so much time couped up in a smelly room. Thus, windows were opened, clothes were folded and put back in her chest of drawers… She had to admit it was weird taking orders from her subordinate, but Levi was hell-bent on keeping every place within a ten metre radius of him spotless, lest the Survey Corps wanted their wooden brooms snapped out of anger.

She was doing much better. Whether she had wanted it or not, Levi and Hange took it upon themselves to nurse her back to good health. She ate good food and exercised to rebuild her lost muscle. She no longer looked sickly and weak, she looked like she was full of vitality; her face now full and not sunken in, her eyes clean of hanging bags, a tint of pink to her cheeks.

She was _here_.

She was _alive_.

But she was still filled with unimaginable guilt. She wanted nothing more than to just waste away in her sick state while she wallowed in self-pity. She came to realize, however, that that wasn't going to happen. Or more like, Levi Ackerman was not going to let that happen.

"I'll break your fucking legs if you let yourself fall this low again."

She smirked as she remembered him saying this to her once she had recovered. It was harsh but it was his way of caring.

Levi cared for her, and she finally saw it. He did _not_ blame her for not doing enough that day, and above all else, he did _not_ blame her for Isabel and Farlan's deaths.

She felt needed by him at least, and that brought peace to her.

Her head perked up when she heard a knock. "Yes? Come in."

"Nah, it probably smells in there," said the familiar voice of her subordinate and she rolled her eyes, "I don't need to remind you to check your bandages, right?" he said. She could tell he was suppressing something akin to a groan.

"I'm not your baby. You're not my parent, shut up!" she retorted.

"Rich because I really feel like I'm minding an incapable brat at times." He said before walking off.

She shook her head, and continued to read her letter.

 _Dear Bláithín,_

 _I haven't heard from you in a couple of months. I want to invite you up to Mitras for a weekend to say in my husband and I's manner. Think of it as a vacation, you haven't seen your family in a while after all._

 _We have two spare bedrooms at the moment, and we have reason to expand at the moment and before you rise through the ranks of the Scout Regiment and become too busy._

 _We hope to see you soon, a carriage will come to you in Trost and pick you up._

 _Yours sincerely,_

 _Elise_

She placed the letter down on her bed and walked out of her bedroom. Walking out into the Mess Hall, she sat next to Erwin who was looking rather panicked. "Good morning, Erwin."

"You need to pack up, Shadis has reported back saying there are Titans scraping the wall and-"

The blond male was interrupted by the aforementioned commander. Keith Shadis was a strict man with bags stabbed into his once youthful eyes. Now his eyes had seen comrades die and his heart became burdened with their deaths. Rumours were going around that he intended to resign from stress and that Erwin was to take his place, given that Erwin's squad had never suffered a loss.

"Erwin, not so fast. With one of our elites not fully recovered, it wouldn't be wise to send Bláithín out into the open like that on an expedition. Besides, uh, Bláithín?" he beckoned. She looked up at him and saw Levi come in behind him. She found her eyes focusing on Levi instead but a clap of her commander's hands brought her attention back.

 _Gotta stop staring_ , _goodness_ , she told herself.

"There is a carriage outside waiting for you. You have been asked to leave your uniform and gear behind you and to wear regular clothes. Do you know where you're headed?" Shadis asked her.

Would it be wise to say she's going to her fucked-up family? Probably not.

"No, sir, I don't." She responded.

Shadis stared down at her for a few seconds and spoke again, "Levi, go with her. Report back to me on your whereabouts via the mail. I can't lose an elite under suspicious circumstances, that would make the Corps look back."

"Must I?" he asked. "I'm quite fine, thanks for the offer." He said, sarcastically.

"Yes, you must." Keith replied and he groaned.

After much debate on Levi's part as to why he shouldn't go, it was no match up for Keith's rage and temper. Levi was going whether he liked it or not - side note: he really did not - and there was nothing he could do. He figured that he would wear normal clothes too, and since this carriage was taking them further within the walls, he'd have no need for his gear.

He did, however, hurry up to his room and reached under his bunk bed… his empty bunk bed. He sighed, thinking back to the fact that Isabel used to sneak in here and sleep on the bottom bunk. He knew he had to move on though, lest he wanted to be plagued by his memories forever.

He pulled out a satchel from under the bed and opened it up. He pulled out a dagger and shoved it down his boot. He heard Bláithín whistle for him and he went downstairs again. Bláithín was wearing her normal attire as requested.

It was a simple long skirt that flowed to her ankles and a white, lace shirt. It framed her very nicely, not too tight but enough for a bit of shape that was not often seen underneath the green cloaks and military uniforms. Levi stopped dead in his tracks and stared. He eyed her up and down with a dead-pan, but deep down… was he admiring her? She turned around and locked eyes with him. She swung a small satchel over her shoulder and smiled before saying, "You ready?"

His heart momentarily beat faster than what he would have liked. Shit, he said to himself. "Uh, yes, I am."

A man dressed in finery awaited them outside. He was smoking a cigar and reading the newspaper. He looked at the two younger soldiers and sighed heavily as he looked at Levi. "You, sir." He beckoned.

Levi quirked a brow. "Huh?"

The older man, their chaperone of sorts, steps toward him. "I don't know who you are in relation to Lady Bláithín, but any guests of hers were to follow the same rules. Yet here you are, donned in military clothing." The older man proceeded to pat him down, much to Levi's horror. As he was being patted down, the old man felt the dagger in his boot. "We have no need for these toys in the Hahn estate, or any of Lady Bláithín's relatives' houses." He warned.

Levi felt like his security blanket was taken away from him. He knew that Bláithín was born amongst the nobility which seemed great, but he remembered the night she disclosed this information to him. She looked so lifeless has she spoke of her past, despite her being born with everything she could have ever wanted.

It was a sad house, and a scary one too.

Poor Bláithín was traumatized by her own name.

They were informed that food had been prepared by Elise's kitchen staff and they were free to eat what was provided. The carriage was big given that it would be a 10 hour trip and there was a table inside. On the table laid a jug of some brightly coloured juice, some rich desserts and pastries. To the left, there sat a chessboard. Levi was about to step foot inside the carriage first when the chaperone stopped him. "My, my, rather rude to step into a carriage before your Lady. Never heard of "ladies first"? Such deplorable manners, my Lady."

Bláithín laughed in a way that Levi had never seen before. Ah, she's surrounded by her type, he said to himself. Her smile was hidden behind her hand, almost as though showing emotion was forbidden. Her eyes were crescent shaped but it wouldn't take two seconds to notice that it was a pure facade. "Oh, no, he isn't anyone special to me. Not a partner nor will he ever be anything of the sort," she smiled, "There is no need to scold someone who wasn't brought up the way we were." She smiled, gleefully.

Levi had to admit he felt uncomfortable by their chit-chat.

The two sat down and Bláithín pushed the food aside. "Have you ever played chess before, Levi?"

The raven-haired male couldn't have looked any less interested. "Never heard of it."

Bláithín gasped and giddily clapped her hands. She explained how women of nobility were never meant to learn chess, that only fathers would teach that to their sons along with arithmetic, physics and more advanced literature. Girls, however, were taught how to cook, clean, embroidery. Bláithín, though, was fortunate to learn all of those things. Her parents never gave birth to a son, despite their wishes as typically a young man would inherit the land and estate.

Levi was an intelligent young man himself, despite his unfortunate upbringing in the slums of the Underground. He caught on quickly, and could recognize every ploy up Bláithín's sleeve. He was good, but never good enough to be on par with his superior… That was until she was stuck amidst the absorption of her next move, she heard a click; Levi claimed victory to the game.

"Oh," she mused, baffled that she had been beaten, only to chuckle, "Well... _a King will always conquer its Queen._ "

As soon as chess was over, they sat back into their seats. They had to spend 10 hours in the same room. Bláithín didn't know how to break it that most of the beds in Elise's house were double beds… She smirked to herself as an idea came to her… something she'd do to him later to help him get _acclimatized_.

It was getting late at night, and Levi being a chronic insomniac was having trouble falling and staying asleep. He glanced over at Bláithín who appeared to be asleep. Her head was tilted back in a haphazard position. He gazed at her with heavy-lidded eyes until he got startled as the horse galloped over a bump.

He was startled once again when her body moved and she flopped down unceremoniously onto his lap.

His breath hitched and his hands no longer had a place to rest. He bent over and saw her peaceful slumbering face, lips open ajar as she breathed softly. All he could do was stare, she looked so young and child-like. She didn't look plagued by her worries in her sleep, or her obsession for perfection and looking good. She just looked…

 _Normal_.

His hands lowered and one rested on her face, his thumb smoothing over her cheeks gently. What else could he do with his hands? He was hardly going to leave up in the air all night.

Though it would be wrong to deny the growing interest in his superior, whether he wanted to admit or not. Maybe he wanted to touch her and see if this would gauge a reaction. Maybe he wanted her to notice what she had done.

Maybe he wanted her to sleep deeper beneath his protection while she slept soundly on his lap.

In the meantime, however, Bláithín's plan had worked… but in a way she didn't expect. She was only hoping he wouldn't push her away, but she wasn't expecting him to welcome her.

Then he rested his hand on her cheek, and she felt something she hadn't felt in a while.

A rose hue had tinted her cheeks.

* * *

Eh, I am not impressed with the pacing of their relationship and Levi's growing feelings. It's too fast, I'll try slow down!


	14. Zusammen

_Hey guys!_ _ **SUPER LONG**_ _and_ _ **DRAMATIC**_ _chapter ahead. If it seems like there are plot holes,_ _don't be alarmed_ _. It's all part of the plan of how this fanfiction will go. I just encourage you to stick with said plan until the later chapters get written and published. The chapter is confusing and complex, all to just give you an idea as to what Bláithín's chaotic and troubled childhood was like. I make a reference to one of the most recent chapters in the manga... see if you can spot it? ;)_

 _ **TW:**_ _I didn't explicitly write and descriptions of it, nor do I mention the word, but this chapter does hint at rape depending on the perspective you develop (I asked two friends to read this and they both developed different opinions) If such content makes you uncomfortable, then by all means please skip it!_

* * *

That night, Levi carried her to their room. The girl was out for the count, and she was a heavy sleeper too. Elise greeted him and handed the chaperone a bag of silver so that he could be on his merry way.

Levi was in awe with the estate, he didn't imagine that something like this could exist. To think that if he had maybe killed Erwin… would this have been his life too, swimming in money and wearing lavish clothing? He couldn't tell if he wanted that.

The manor walls sprang from the soil like the very dirt insulted them. Such ornate sandstone was too pretty to touch the earth, indeed it was fancier than many a palace. The windows were oversized, mullioned and almost cathedral-like. Inside every room was bathed in daylight from the first kiss of dawn to the twilight hours. By night the oak floors and antique furniture are bathed in the flicker of yellow candlelight from the many candelabras that hung there; to the eternal irritation of Elise that electricity had not been installed as of yet. Electricity was a recent discovery and everyone wanted in on it, but companies and the military brigades got priority first, followed by residential areas. Even so, electricity was just enough to turn on the lights.

The first Lord who inherited the estate had commissioned the manor to impress the bride of his choice and apparently it worked rather well, if not too well; he got the bride and many mistresses besides. And so began the Hahn family line.

It was well into the afternoon when Bláithín started to squirm around in bed. In her defence, she had fallen asleep pretty late last night. She woke up and noticed someone sitting at the edge of her bed. Her gaze was foggy but she could make him out as clear as day.

She was back in her sister's estate, but surely _he_ would still be making visits.

Her heart was in her mouth, her breathing rapid and sweat immediately began to bead her youthful brows. It was hard to breathe...

It was enough for her to scream.

It was him…

The almond-shaped blue eyes filled with anger, the thinning fair hair that, the crows feet at his eyes…

Sven.

He ran over to her and put his hand over her mouth. She cried hysterically, begging for someone to help.

She didn't want to see him, she was not ready. He didn't deserve to be within her presence. Bláithín felt the panic begin like a cluster of spark plugs in her abdomen. Tension grew in her face and limbs, her mind was cluttered. In seconds she was curled tight in her bed, her only movement the trembling of her limbs and salty tears darkening her sleeves.

She could feel it building like an unstoppable snowball in the pit of your stomach. She couldn't concentrate on anything else that was happening. The next step is her heart starting to beat harder and faster, adrenaline levels rise.

She needed to leave.

She had to get out.

She strained her vocals but nothing came out, still she cried and pleaded, hoping someone would hear her. Suddenly, her body wracked with more raw sobs and she shook like a leaf. Fright consumed every cell in her body, swelling them with terror. With every second she practically felt the rise of her blood pressure.

"Get away from me…" she spat through her tears. Sven sighed, knelt down and appeared to be wiping her eyes…

And the _illusion_ faded. She closed her eyes for a few seconds and opened them.

"I'm not Sven," said Levi, gently. "Trauma-induced hallucination, I presume. Now collect yourself and stop your shitty crying, it'll only give you a wet face."

Bláithín looked shell-shocked. Her head was pounding and she cradled her face in her hands. How could she confuse Levi with Sven? The thought of being back at home was never a peaceful experience. "I, uh… I'm sorry." She whispered as she wiped her tears.

Levi looked at her for a moment as he felt a twinge in his heart. "It's fine. I think it would be wise to go see your sister-" he was interrupted when she slung her arms around him. His body stiffened and he suddenly didn't know what to do with his arms. He brought a hand up and awkwardly patted her on her back and as soon as she had tried to embrace him, she pulled away.

She had stopped crying and she looked like "normal Bláithín" again: shy, closed-off and almost down looking, yet composed.

"I was… I am grateful that you were here, and not him," she mentioned, almost seemingly in passing because her voice was so lifeless, "I'll go meet my sister."

Elise stood in front of the lit fireplace in the main living room. Her back was turned to her sister.

The heat was suffocating, much like the atmosphere.

"It's nice to see you again, it's been a while." Bláithín said to her. "Yet you won't turn around to face me. We're practically sisters…"

Elise became a young mother at the tender age of seventeen. Now both 'sisters' being a year older, much had changed. Bláithín looked at her in shock as she turned around and her swollen abdomen was revealed. "Again? Why?" She merely asked why because the younger lady looked so stressed out and sad. She daresay that stress aged the poor lady.

"I wish I wasn't… I feel like a slave to the family's bloodline while you are playing soldier." She spat, voice laced with indignation. Bláithín could tell she was in a bad way, depressed that she was forced to take on the womanly duties of a noble bloodline in her sister's stead. There was regret written all over her face for saying such things. "Sorry… I'm due in two weeks, expecting a girl."

Bláithín stared blankly at her. "You sure have a habit of getting knocked up…" she muttered. She remembered how much of a shell of the cheerful she once was. A woman who was haunted by the duties of being the mother she never wanted to be.

Elise rubbed her swollen abdomen and sat down again, she seemed to be in a bit of pain. Bláithín passed her an "are you okay" kind of look, but Elise nodded. "Kicking." Was all she said.

A man who Bláithín was unfamiliar with came in and hurried over to Elise. He pressed a kiss to her forehead and put his hand on her belly, rubbing it tenderly. "How is she?" He asked. Elise smiled, but there was something else in that smile.

And it wasn't just stress or sadness.

It was _guilt_.

Elise was hiding something. _What was it?_

And it wasn't because she didn't love him like what she had told her the last time they met.

"I'll have the chefs prepare something nice for you, my dear," he said, sweetly, as he walked out of the room again.

Bláithín sighed as she attempted to figure out. She sat down in the antique armchair across from Elise, placed one knee over the other and looked at her in thought. Why would Elise be so silent around him? Surely, she'd put up some sort of front before, right? It would be the nicest thing to do considering this husband of hers truly loved her. And that's when it hit her. She wasn't guilty because she didn't love the man she was forced to marry.

"Spit it out." Bláithín said.

"Spit what out?" Elise asked, feigning naivety and innocence.

"Who's the real father of this baby?"Elise's face turned beet red, though it could have been from the sweltering flames from the fire too. "Something is off with you, more than usual, and I don't like it. You're hiding something. What would he say if he found out?"

"He is _not_ going to find out." She said firmly.

There it is, _confirmed_.

Did she have a secret lover on the side? Was this possibly affecting their marriage? Was Elise in the correct emotional state of mind to look after Eden, not to mention another one?

"Why?" Bláithín asked.

"Because you're not going to tell him."

"Then who is the father?"

Elise appeared to be swallowing a lump in her throat. Her eyes seemed to be welling with tears, and sure enough they spilled out easily. She shook in her seat and was hunched over, making a futile attempt to suppress her whimpers. Bláithín just stared and notice her nails had been bitten off, probably to cope with the stress and, well, whatever this situation was. The blonde walked over to her sister and began to rub her shoulder.

It was as if Elise has retreated inside of herself; instead of being there with her sister figure, she's almost isolated. It's as if the sounds are arriving in her brain from far, far away and Bláithín's touch is somehow disconnected. And so she tells her over and over that she's really here, and that she always would be. She spoke to her softly yet at a volume that reaches inside and soothes. Her brain had shut down. She was clammy and there was the glisten of sweat. Her eyes were as wide as if someone was coming to deliver the fatal blow.

Bláithín was lost for words.

Who could have done this? Was it even consensual?

She was clearly traumatized and she didn't want to

The frightened, young lady eventually mustered up the courage to speak. "I-I was told that if I didn't carry the child… I would have the same fate as you…"

Bláithín gasped.

 _It couldn't be…_

"The father is Sven. After all, we're not related... he forced this role upon me should he pass away in the near future or if the Hahns need an heir. After all, your birthright has been _forfeited_. _Nullified_."

Bláithín blinked in confusion. "You're not a Hahn, you were adopted."

Elise nodded. "I know, but there are people in Sine who look at you as the Lady who abandoned her family and how it has affected the image of the Hahn family. You will be treated with the same respect as the lady you truly are… But you won't get anything. _He's left you with nothing..._ "

In the meantime, Levi was just lying on the bed, hands folded and resting behind his head. Bláithín had returned and he sat up after she had closed the door.

"So you saw?" He asked her. She just nodded. "She looked really down. She doesn't seem fit to be a parent in my opinion."

"Yeah. Her husband isn't even the father. To preserve the Hahn name, she was forced to carry a child against her will."

Levi's eyes widened momentarily in shock. Had Bláithín stayed here all this time, would she have met the same fate as her sister and have been forced to carry out these unethical tasks too? Levi shook his head, not wanting to think about it; not wanting to think about her conniving, gross uncle or what could have happened otherwise. Levi walked over to her and pointed over to the _one_ bed in this room. _This_ was Levi's main concern, and Bláithín was doing her best to stifle her cheeky grin.

"Well, we can do whatever you did last night?" she asked. She was asleep at the time, though; she had no idea what he had done. "Where did you sleep last night?"

"I didn't," he replied, emphasising the 't'. "And I'll be damned if I don't sleep again tonight. I normally don't need much sleep but I can't function on auto-pilot for two days in a row. I'll be like the Antichrist."

You mean, you're not an Antichrist already, Bláithín asked herself. She inhaled sharply, knowing that he was adamant on not sharing a bed. Her scheme last night may have proved fruitless afterall. She had wanted him to be comfortable with the possibility of sharing the bed, but seems as though he wasn't.

"Okay," she said, "I'll sleep on the floor tonight." She said.

Levi smirked. Was he capable of even doing that? Was it even a smirk? She wasn't going to question it. "Excellent. I'm exhausted. You sleep on the floor tonight." He declared and threw himself onto the bed.

The blonde scoffed, shocked that her subordinate wouldn't offer her the bed again. She was his superior. Then again, this was Levi - one of the most notorious mercenaries to emerge from the Underground District - and she had a great night's sleep last night.

Alright, fine. It was only fair.

She decided to go change into her pajamas and walked into the ensuite. She took her satchel into the bathroom and took out the looser clothes she had packed. She stripped down and pulled out her lace pajama gown. She shimmied inside and looked at herself in the mirror. It was rare to have a break away from military life and to not live in such a rush. She noticed how much weight she had lost over the years. Her collarbones protruded, but not hugely so. She was a comfortable mix of bone and muscle, but had she stayed in Sine, she may have kept her womanly curves. Instead, etched upon her skin was blobs of purple and black over her years of fighting. The harnesses had left deep imprints on her skin as a reminder that she was a soldier.

And that there was no coming back.

She peaked out the door, worried that Levi may have been changing and be stark nude, and that was something she did _not_ want to walk in on. She opened the door slowly and in those few seconds, her mind went blank. She would say that Levi's bed wear was lacking, and by that, she meant shirtless.

Despite Levi's short stature - he was an inch shorter than her after all - his body was undeniably nice from using 3DMG and his active lifestyle. His torso was heavily layered in muscle and his biceps bulged in all of the right places. _God, guess I still have some aspect of my femininity_ , she told herself.

For those seconds where she could spare a glance, she was enthralled.

She wanted to _touch_ him.

 _Oh, my god, I need to stop_ , she told herself, flustered at such a dirty thought. She swallowed and regained whatever composure was lost. She readied herself for a good night's rest, untangling her hair from the hairband. _Don't look at him, you're better than this_ , she warned.

"Is that what you're wearing to bed?" he asked her. What a hypocrite. He had reasoning behind this question. It was winter, and she was wearing a gown on the flimsy side. Also, he had never seen her dressed like this before, it was almost as though she was a normal girl…

"I could say that to you, put on a shirt, you half naked bastard." She retorted.

"Whatever," he said. He reached over and slipped into his shirt again, actually complying with her.

 _This is not the Levi I am used to_ , she said to herself as she stared at him. Levi only obeyed people if it suited him, not just because someone ordered him.

"I sure hope the bed is clean." He mused to himself.

"Beds here are cleaned every morning. The Hahn estates are always flooded with far too many maids." Bláithín informed. She walked over to the closet and pulled out a spare blanket and pillow and laid them on the floor. As much as it wasn't fair for her to take the bed for the second night in a row, she couldn't help but feel jealous.

"You're awfully accommodating for your subordinate," he teased, a slight lilt in his tone. He was teasing her.

"I do wish you were sleeping on the floor…" she muttered, but then forced a smile, "But I have learned it is best not to argue with you, Levi, as you are a bit relentless. Besides, it's not like you listen to anyone."

Levi sat up and looked down at her. "Well, you have everything laid out for yourself, so you might as well stay there for the night."

Bláithín quirked a brow. "Do you even have the capacity to be compassionate and at least make it seem like you put other people before yourself?"

That question bothered him. All his life, he was met with hardships and sacrifices, but above all else, death and loneliness. There was nothing wrong with putting himself first. He wouldn't divulge his past to her yet, perhaps not ever, so he let it slide this once.

"I'll have you know that I am totally able to. I just choose not to." He replied, nonchalantly.

What was she even doing? There was no point in arguing with him. It was futile from the beginning. Admitting defeat, she set herself down on the ground and rested her head against the pillow.

Her back was turned the other way to Levi, and he smirked in victory. The two of them attempted to fall asleep then and there.

Neither of them could though. Hours passed and they were still wide awake. It didn't help that the temperature continued to drop through the night.

Frost grew over the windows even as the blanket failed to keep Bláithín warm. Soon after, she began to shiver. It was the type of coldness that reached into one's bones, as if Bláithín's heart were a door left wide open to the icy wind, slamming only to open again. The windows were thin and the bitterly cold wind could filter through.

She heard Levi sigh and he tossed and turned. He wasn't sleeping simply because it was cold. Levi had been drifting in and out of sleep, but he was very restless. The poor man was probably having a nightmare, probably from the most recent expedition. Military life was tough, brutal and soul-destroying, and Levi was beginning to suffer. Death himself held hands with the soldiers, being a life-long companion until they too suffer at the hands of the Titans and their lives and souls are drained from them.

"I hear you tossing and turning, Levi. Try sleep."

"And I hear you shivering, so I can say the same to you," he said, though it was stifled through the pillow as he had tossed onto his stomach now. "...This is a huge-ass bed. Quit your shivering and get in."

"Are you out of your mind?!" she guffawed. "Have you been drinking?"

Levi scoffed in annoyance. "No, where would I get my hands on alcohol here? I have been in this bedroom the whole damn time."

"The cellar," the blonde answered, "Children in Sine often drank wine with their dinner to prevent alcoholism. However, my uncle never allowed us to drink the wine. Who knows why."

"It was just a fucking suggestion. Forget it," he drawled, "I may be a _man_ , and I may have my _needs_ ," he paused to smirk, referencing Hange's proposition back when he was looking after his superior, "but my intentions are wholesome."

As much as her inner woman did want to get into bed with him - especially after she had witnessed him shirtless - she had some ounce of self-respect. She did know Levi was only teasing her… _meaning he must have witnessed her ogling him earlier_. The realization dawned on her and she shrivelled up like a raisin in self-pity but mostly embarrassment.

Well, if he was going to tease her, then she was going to tease back!

She 'tried' to fall asleep for a few more minutes, and in the meantime, Levi had actually dozed off again based on his breathing, she stood over the bed that she was going to reclaim.

"Move over," she commanded, and the look of shock on Levi's face was undeniable. She was actually going to lay down with him?! "What is it? I'm taking you up on your offer." Levi reluctantly shuffled over to the other side and allowed her to come in, and made a point to turn his back. "Just to be clear, I have _no_ problem sleeping next to a man."

"With that attitude, you might land yourself in trouble, be careful," he muttered. This was coming from past experience from living in the Underground District. It was a disgusting place where crime - crime against women in particular - would go widely unnoticed. He was only saying it out of precaution and perhaps force of habit. After all, his own mother died when he was a child and her profession did not help her case.

She shuffled around in bed to try make herself comfy. She felt comfiest on her left, her back facing Levi's.

"Also," he said, "make one noise and you're sleeping in the bathtub."

"And wouldn't you keep me company there, Levi?" she sang in a teasing manner.

"Go the fuck to sleep, Bláithín." He grumbled.

Determined to tease him just a bit more, she extended her limbs out and took the form of that similar to a starfish, taking up a large fraction of the available space. Levi sighed, probably the umpteenth time that night. If she can't get him to relinquish the bed, she would jolly well hog the entire bed for herself.

She should have known how stubborn and dare she say, immature, Levi was because he 'lazily' slung his leg over her waist and pulled her closer. She gasped at the sudden proximity and pushed him aside. He _smirked_ again, claiming victory, _again_.

"You _pushed_ me?" he squawked. "Fine, I have had it with you, I am done being merciful with you, Bláithín Hahn."

Within seconds, he stood up and slung her over his shoulder and took the pillows and duvet with him too.

He placed her in the bathtub.

He _actually_ did it.

"The bed is mine tomorrow night!" she called out.

"Like hell it will be!"

Levi: one; Bláithín: zero.

The two were woken up the next morning by maids and butlers scurrying around. Bláithín hadn't slept that night, considering she was dumped in a damn bathtub. She was impressed she didn't pounce on him during the night, but she got too tired in the end. She emerged from the bathroom with a crick in her neck and scoffed upon seeing Levi sleeping peacefully like an angel.

She crept over to him and saw how he retained a child-like innocence when he slept. He seemed to have rested well after the nightmares. He didn't have his usual scowl etched upon his face, his brows weren't furrowed and he looked so relaxed.

There was a pounding on the door that startled her and took her away from her ogling. She ran over and opened the door to a maid who seemed visibly distressed. "What's the matter?"

"Lady Bláithín, it's an emergency. The family doctor is out of town and Elise's water has broken!" the maid cried.

Bláithín gasped and dashed to the bathroom to get a pitcher of water and a couple of towels, but it wasn't like she had an awful lot she could bring with her anyway. She sprinted out of her bedroom and into her sister's, which was on the same floor.

Her sister was on the floor of her bedroom, sweat beading her brows and temples and she was breathing heavily through the pain.

"Hey, hey, hey," Bláithín whispered in a soothing tone, "I'm here. I'll do what I can. But you have done this all before so I need your help too."

A maid came in and the blonde spoke to her, asking if there is anything she can do to help. The maid seemed to have been there for the previous labour, given by her knowledge. She explained what to do from what she had observed the previous doctor do. After all, home births were a natural occurrence and not everyone had the privilege of having a doctor on call to be there.

Elise swayed her hips as the pressure built down below. It was extremely difficult to not push then and there, but she wanted to wait for further instruction. She was familiar with the pain but it still caused her body to quake. With each contraction came a pain that dominated Elise's entire being. In those moments, for those seconds that stretched into infinity, there was nothing else but her and the pain.

"Excuse me, can you get me another towel?" she said to the maid and she dashed out. Once the door had closed, Elise beckoned the blonde to come over. "I don't want this baby…" she wept.

Bláithín did her best to console her but also keep her own worries at bay. This was commonplace, delivering without a doctor, but what was she meant to do? Bláithín checked underneath the towel to try track the baby's progress. She was ten centimetres dilated.

"We can sort out what we will do afterwards, right now, you gotta give birth. You need to push with every wave. And breathe with it. I'll go find that maid." She said. It wasn't ideal to leave her unaccompanied, but she was not familiar with this at all and she did not want any mistakes on her part.

The pain of labour was a prison for Elise's mind. Her brown hair was tousled despite being tied back. In that jail cell of fear and confusion the time passed without her being able to keep track. Her stomach tightened, she heard her own scream without being aware of making it. She lay still when the surges passed, waiting for the agony to subside.

She did not want this baby.

She did not want to have another child.

She did not want to live anymore having to face the burden of being the face of the Hahn family.

Elise wanted nothing more than this baby to come out and to not see it. This wasn't hers, she tried to convince herself that, and that it would only ever be Sven's.

That man was vile and she hated him as much as her adopted sister.

She wasn't meant to push by herself without supervision but these emotions consumed her. She screamed in pain and nature took its course without her even trying.

Bláithín and the maid were a floor below for the past few minutes getting things ready when they heard her screaming in pain, begging for mercy, and they ran as fast as lightning up the stairs.

"Elise!" her sister called out, and all was silent with in a few seconds.

And then, tiny yet shrill cries pierced the air.

The maid and the blonde soldier walked into the room and Elise was holding the baby up to her chest. The look on Elise's face was blank though, she couldn't bring herself to give love to this child. The maid went over to the baby with a towel and began to pat her clean, removing the fluids the little girl was caked in. She was placed in a cotton blanket.

"Ma'am, you should at least try to feed the baby…" the maid told her, breaking the silence.

It was strange how as fast as the alert was made that Elise was ready to give birth, it was all done with in a matter of minutes. Elise wanted to rest and be alone.

"This is not my child…" she wept to herself.

Bláithín went over to the baby and picked her up. She began to stir immediately, not being able to hear her mother's heart beat. "Shh, shh. It's okay…" she cooed. "So, what the hell is it you want to do? Shall we pass her onto Sven?"

Bláithín continued to rock the baby in her hold. She smiled down at the niece, flashing her a toothy grin and the baby settled, staring into her eyes. For a baby, she was wide awake. Bláithín handed her back to her sister and encouraged her to nurse the baby.

"Well?" her sister beckoned.

Elise nodded in desolation, tears streaming down her cheeks.

The maid nodded, saying she would go send a telegraph to tell him the news.

That same evening, Bláithín retired to her bedroom after eating and the events that unfolded were certainly… not peaceful, and for a variety of reasons.

To start off, Levi and Bláithín were civil enough to stay in the same bed together… However, Levi made a make-shift partition between the two consisting of pillows. He later found this to be totally ineffective; the blonde later swiped most of the pillows for extra comfort.

She was sleeping soundly that night and had even secured a lovely, pearly white bathrobe for herself.

He knew he wasn't going to be sleeping that night and it wasn't from the disappearance of his pillow partition.

He felt a wet patch on the back of his shirt and the mattress. He tossed over and found the blonde drooling, mouth open as though she was trying to inhale flies. He grimaced looking at this and muttered a 'disgusting' under his breath. He propped himself up on his elbow and placed his thumb under her bottom lip and pushed it up to shut her mouth, only for her lip to fall down again.

He rolled his eyes and sighed. "So fucking gross…" he whispered.

She was murmuring her sleep but eventually stopped fidgeting and fell quiet. Levi realized he couldn't take his eyes off of her innocent face as she slept soundly.

It was the first time Levi was able to see her face so close.

And it was _flawless…_

He stared for a while until he heard noises from outside the door. He hopped out of bed and walked over to the door, pressing his ear up against it. He couldn't make out what they were saying for the most part, but he felt his heart skip a beat when he heard a gun being loaded. He heard people crowding outside their bedroom and he crept back towards the bed.

" _Bláithín... Bláithín_ ," he whispered with urgence, shaking her by the shoulders. She woke up and looked up at him with annoyance. "We need to get under the bed."

In the dark, she could just about see the urgency. She tore the duvet off her and scooted under the bed with Levi. Within seconds, the door to the bedroom swung open. The gunshots cracked into the air as loud as thunder but without the raw power of a storm. In comparison they were tiny and small, coming from one direction only. Bláithín was going to let out a gasp, but Levi was quick to cover her mouth. He brought his index finger up to his lips, gesturing for her to stay silent.

Once the last few bullets had been sprayed, Levi instructed her to wait under the bed until the men had gone down stairs or so that no one else had come into the room. They pulled themselves out from under the bed and he could see Bláithín was starting to shake with anxiety.

"Calm down," he told her, coolly, "The situation isn't ideal, but we just need to get out of here."

The blonde had a bad feeling about this. They weren't out to kill just the two of them… Everyone in this house was going to die.

Levi had started to walk towards the door when he was grabbed by his superior at the wrist. "What?"

"I need to go check on Elise." She whispered.

Levi's eyes widened. "No. You're staying here," he told her. "Hide under the bed again, and I'll go find her and we'll play by ear afterwards."

Levi dashed out of the bedroom before she had the chance to say anything else. He was careful not to shut the door so that there would be less noise and arouse less suspicion. He beelined down the hall, eyeballing all the rooms to see if anyone was still inside them. The doors to the bedrooms were left open so no one seemed to be occupying them. He skidded to a halt halfway down the corridor though when he noticed one closed door.

 _Elise must be there, right?_

He walked towards the room slowly, erring on the side of caution of an oncoming attacker ready to pounce on him.

A blood-curdling scream pierced the air.

Bláithín?! He questioned his every move now.

What was he to choose? What would he regret less? Was he meant to follow the orders his own superior gave him? Or was he to go back and see what the commotion was all about?

Her words sounded in his head again as he thought to himself.

 _"Besides, it's not like you listen to anyone."_

Maybe this one time, he'd disobey his superior for a damn good reason.

However, which room was the scream coming from? He had never heard her scream before… So how was he to know if it was hers? If he went to locate the person in trouble, what would happen to Elise in the process? Or more importantly, what would happen to Bláithín?

She _was_ all he had left after all…

He sprinted back to her room and opened the door wide, and sure enough, it was Bláithín who screamed. He focused his attention on the man lying in a pool of blood - alive, but heavily wounded and clearly suffering - and the blonde holding a broken, oil lamp. Levi knelt down and picked up the gun that was attached to the man's belt, aimed said gun at the man's face and with a _bang_ , Levi had put him out of his misery.

"You were meant to get Elise, what are-?!"

"I heard a scream and rushed back. We can go check on her together but we need to run, and we need to run fucking now." He stated, urgency lacing his tone.

The two made their way back to her sister's bedroom. It was already not looking good given that they didn't hear the infant crying out. Levi ordered Bláithín to stay back and remain outside as he burst through the door. He kept his gun ready to spray bullets if needed. He heard no sounds that would suggest another person being with him. That was both a good thing… and a bad thing.

He picked up the lit oil lamp and shined it around the room and that's when he saw it. The sight was so gruesome, he dropped the oil lamp on the ground with a shallow gasp.

It was grotesque.

It was a recent kill, perhaps she was still barely alive.

Elise was backed into the corner, body limp and lifeless. Levi quickly made his way over to her and pressed his hands against her tummy to stop the bleeding, but no matter the pressure he applied the blood had still gushed between his fingers and oozed under his hands. Her face was bruised, covered with great purple and blue blotches. Her thighs had been bruised and lacerated.

The metallic stench of blood filled the air.

"Can you hear me? Where is your baby?" he asked her, shaking her by the shoulders.

Elise heaved in heavily before coughing up a maroon globule of blood, splattering and staining her dress. "Bláithín…" she wheezed before coughing again.

"Your baby. I'm talking about the baby." He told her. "Come on, damn it."

"Bláithín... " she whispered again and lifted a shaky hand to point at the door. "T-Take care… take care of her…" she breathed and went silent.

Levi shook her again. He picked up the oil lamp and shone it by her face. Her eyes had lost their glimmer and there was no more movement in her chest.

 _Gone._

Death wasn't kind. Levi knew that. It snatched where it could, taking people who were far too young, far too good. It didn't pretend to care, it didn't pretend to distinguish. The hooded vale of Death had hung over the world for a long time, always threatening. It had always touched Levi quite close for Death had ripped away many parts of him, and taken those whom he cared about.

He backed up slowly and walked out of the room. Bláithín was standing outside. "Well?" she asked.

"I… I didn't see any body." He lied.

Bláithín breathed a sigh of relief. She and Levi bolted down the stairs as fast, but the blonde found that she couldn't keep up so well. Levi opened the doors and kept it open for her as she made her way out.

Bláithín tripped on her way down the stairs and she clutched her tummy. Levi slung her arm over his shoulder to help get to the bottom of the cobblestone steps.

"What's your damn problem?!" he yelled, "We need to move and we need to move now!" he yelled.

Bláithín fell to the ground.

Levi's jaw fell slack.

"L-Levi…" she mumbled, trying to stifle any cries of pain that left her mouth.

Her white bathrobe had started to stain pink. She had been injured too, underneath her left set of ribs. She reached inside her robe and patted her hand against the affected area, and crimson blood dripped from her fingers, glistening in the moonlight.

She reached out to grab a hold of him. Levi had rushed to her side to catch her before her vision turned black...

* * *

 _PLEASE REVIEW AND FOLLOW/FAVOURITE! It really means so much to me!_


	15. Atonement

_I had this scene planned out for so long, only for it to end up being extremely OOC. If it bothers you, I will unpublish this and rewrite the chapter. Do let me know down below._

 _Also, I failed a module in college (ayy) so I have repeat exams coming up in like a week or two. I'll try write something before then, but obviously I gotta pass the repeats otherwise I have do freshman year of college all over again so ;;;;;;;_

* * *

White light was beginning to filter through her closed lids. There was a gentle breeze present.

As Bláithín began to open her eyes, it was like her soul was ripped from her body. She cast her gaze to the left and noticed that she was hooked up.

She sighed and did her best to prop herself. As she did so, the gentle breeze caressed her face. Everything felt heavy but in spite of that, the light was calling her.

Sunlight.

Everything was so bright.

She vaguely remembered the past events and could recall she was in Mitras up until now at least… Right now, she was in an infirmary.

She peeled the covers off from her and gasped upon seeing the bandages around her stomach. They needed to be changed, blood was slowly seeping through, and god forbid if Levi saw them.

 _Levi…_

He brought her here, he must have.

She ran her fingers over the wound and winced. There was a scar healing there - she could feel how rough the skin was - but the skin must have been weakened upon injury and is now prone to bleeding until she is fully recovered, she assumed.

To her right was a desk with a snuffed out candle and a few flowers, now wilting. Funny how the wilting flowers always symbolised her condition right; always needed to be taken care of otherwise they'd fall weak.

She heard some muttering coming from behind, outside of the room. She frantically sat up only to grumble with the pain that shot through her core. She inhaled through the pain and gently let herself step to the floor. She stretched what tense muscles her body would allow her to. Her knees felt a bit wobbly and weak at first, but she was alright; she'd manage.

"Ah, you're awake," came a voice. Bláithín looked up.

"Hange?" she inquired. "What are you doing here? How did you get here?"

"Surprise!" she sang. "Erwin, Mike and Levi are all here. They're just… doing man stuff."

Bláithín quirked a brow. "I don't think I want to know what that entails of… but I digress, how did I get here?"

~*~ (a few nights prior)

 _"Bláithín!" Levi yelled as she fell to the ground. She was limp and lifeless, blood pooling beneath her. "Shit!" he cursed._

 _He held her in his arms like she was made of china, and carefully stood up to get away from this messed-up house as fast as he could. She was drifting in and out of consciousness in his arms, groaning in pain occasionally. He knew she was bleeding out at an alarming rate, but running might make her pain worse and he wasn't sure what he wanted to do._

 _Levi was too emotionally invested in the girl to ever see her in pain._

 _Of course, he would never admit that though._

 _Her head fell back further, not officially plunged into darkness. "Stay with me, dammit!" he yelled at her._

 _He ran further and further, as fast as his legs could carry him until he found a horse and coach. He begged than man to take him to the nearest infirmary. He sat in the coach and laid Bláíthín on the seat. He knelt down on the floor and tore off a part of the leg of his pants. He bunched it into a ball and pressed down on her stomach, putting pressure on the wound._

 _"Don't you dare go." He said to her._

…

When Hange had finished explaining, Bláithín sat down. She put her head in her hands and sighed heavily. Hange quirked her brow. "Why do you look so dejected?" she asked her friend.

She propped herself back onto the bed again and laid down. "He's always looking after me… I guess I just feel bad."

Hange knew Bláithín hated being a burden to others. She noticed her blonde friend was happier with the newest addition to the Survey Corps, and if one put two and two together the answer would be obvious.

They cared so deeply for each other and have become steady figures in each other's lives.

Still, the urge to strive for perfection around him was still there. She didn't want to be taken care of; she felt she didn't deserve it. She didn't want to feel like she was dragging everyone around her down.

She wondered if she had stayed in Sine, how much more would her mental health have plummeted?

"Speaking of Levi, where is he?"

"Oh!" Hange exclaimed, "He said, and I quote… 'I'll be damned if I have to go change her bandages again', but he said he'd come in and check on you."

Bláithín nodded, relieved that he wasn't going to completely ignore her. Suddenly, her stomach growled and she squirmed in her bed to try to silence the rumbling. She hadn't eaten in a few days. Hange chuckled to herself.

"I'll go see if the nurses can prepare something." She said, excusing herself to leave until Bláithín called out to her again.

"Thanks for… taking care of me and having everyone come up to keep me company." Bláithín spoke, softly.

Hange stiffened for a second before smiling. Smiling because… it wasn't her who told everyone to come up and see her. It was a certain raven-haired man. Thinking of how much the two had bonded recently always made the bespectacled brunette smile.

"You should thank Levi, Bláithín. He sent out a carrier pigeon to us saying you were in need of medical attention shortly after you had been checked in here… He cares for you, Bláithín, and you should really consider yourself lucky. He even helped me bathe you and-!"

The blonde's jaw fell slack. "WHAT?!"

Hange pursed her bottom lip, almost as though she was completely clueless as to why she'd be freak. She brought her finger up to her chin as she recounted the memories.

"Don't be freaked out! You weren't even full unclothed! We had to clean your wounds. He held you upright so that your heavy, unconscious body wouldn't-"

"I don't even want to hear it,"Bláithín snapped, cutting her off before wanting to wallow in embarrassment.

"If it makes you feel any better…" Hange began, "Levi sometimes knocks me unconscious to get me clean too so I mean-!"

The door to their room burst open and, well, speak of the devil. Bláithín didn't know if she was relieved or shocked to see him… especially after everything he must have seen. She hoped to god he was wearing a blind fold. She had reason to believe that Hange set him up to do this… that maybe they'd perhaps look at each other differently?

"Oi, Shit-Glasses, if you're going to talk shit about me, at least make sure you do it quietly or I'm not outside the damn room." He groaned, visibly pissed off. He locked eyes with Bláithín and his gaze softened significantly. Hange noticed the the way their eyes practically became glued like magnets and decided to see herself out.

"Thank you, Hange, I'll talk to you in a bit." Bláithín said.

Levi cleared his throat awkwardly and walked towards the window. He was wearing a white shirt, buttoned up to just under the collarbones and the sleeves were rolled back behind his elbows. He wore black slacks too. He must have gotten a change of clothes, maybe he requested it to be brought up. He pushed the window out as far as it would go, inhaling the fresh air. He spun around on his heel.

"You doing okay?" He asked her as he began to approach her.

Bláithín pulled the covers up to drape her delicate frame. "Yeah, I'm fine," she said softly. At this point, Levi had sat at the edge of her bed, allowing her to get a perfect view of his side-profile.

He looked tired. His eyes looked a bit more sunken in than normal. She hoped he had been sleeping somewhat ever since she got himself checked in here. He looked worn out though, so he probably hadn't. He glanced over at her, giving her his full attention as he studied her complexion. She continued to look back at him. "What is it?" he asked.

"I-I'm sorry that you have to look after me again…" she whispered, ashamed.

After all, how dare she not be perfect?

She was currently a hair out of place and in her mind, almost was never good enough.

"Look, Bláithín… what's most important is that you're awake now," he said. She couldn't ignore the exhaustion in his voice. He sounded fed-up.

"Levi." She beckoned.

"Hmm?"

"Elise is gone… isn't she?" she asked. It wasn't even a question that she wanted answered; she wanted a confirmation. Levi's silence was a dead giveaway. He looked at her and noticed her eyes lost their glimmer.

She had lost another person.

She inhaled sharply before speaking. "I asked you to check on her. I had given you an order."

Levi looked at her with disgust. "I saved you. I _chose_ to do that. You'd best suck it up and be grateful."

She stiffened at the bite in his words. He did save her, he did protect her and here he was, looking out for her again. The poor guy was there to nurse her back to full health. Little did she know - and he wasn't going to tell her - that he sat at her bedside hoping that she'd wake up again. He spoke to her about this day, and how much bathing her was a chore, or how he couldn't wait to return to the headquarters and get back in routine, with the same callous he normally did, but at a hushed tone. He drank tea beside her. He had done everything beside her.

God forbid he lost the last person who was truly close to him.

And now she was complaining about how she lived instead of her sister, per se. She only wished Levi had checked on Elise and not come back to her.

She wished Elise lived instead of her.

Her mind was so far down a depressive, metaphorical rabbit hole that she had no hope of resurfacing. All she could ever do was wish for people to see her as a good person; someone who'd sacrifice herself to be seen as useful.

Someone people would speak well of after she had passed onto the next life.

"T-there is nothing wrong with wanting to protect-"

"Bláithín," he intercepted, his voice a bit softer now but there was a touch of annoyance with it, "If you lay down your life for no other reason, other than improving your image, that is nothing _but_ wrong." He told her, looking deep into her dull, blue eyes.

Oh, how she wished to be whisked away to somewhere else other than here right now. She wished for him to be quiet and to not lecture, but his voice was commanding; it was strong, penetrating.

"Answer this for me and then perhaps I'll leave you alone if you are truly honest and learn from your foolishness." He demanded, thus initiating his brutal interrogation of her very being.

She wanted to look away but he cleared his throat, signalling her to pay attention. Close attention.

"After that expedition wherein I lost my two dear friends, you sat before a Titan and you accepted defeat, right until I came up and killed it. Did you, or did you not, give up on everything and accept defeat?"

Her eyes were as wide as plates as she attempted to lie through the skin of her teeth. She shook her head in opposition.

"You did," he answered truthfully. He continued. "After said expedition, did you, or did you not, purposely avoid eating thus exacerbating your health? Did you refuse to change your bandages, thus leading to infection?"

"No…" she answered.

"Yes, you did." Levi confirmed.

The pattern continued for a bit, and with every passing question, Levi got angrier and angrier.

"Did you, or did you not, then choose to not eat the right foods which left you physically weakened? Did I, or did I not, have to come in and make sure you were eating some form of protein and made sure you worked out, changed your bandages and have Hange and I supervise you back to full health?!" he said, voice getting louder.

She tried to shake her head vehemently. Her eyes clamped shut, afraid to look at him.

Her collar is grabbed. "Did you, or did you not, attempt to leave yourself alone in that bedroom so that some lunatic assassin could do away with you?!"

The tears burst forth like water from a dam, spilling down her face. Bláithín felt the muscles of my chin tremble like a small child. There is static in her head, feeling genuinely threatened by Levi's outburst. Brick by brick, her walls came tumbling down. When Bláithín would cry, on the rare occasions in which she did so, there was a rawness to it, like the pain was still an open wound. Levi was not finished yet though.

He revealed everything in her that she never wanted to be: a disgrace.

His white-knuckled grip on her hospital gown tightened. " _Is this the piece of shit I chose to save over her sister?!_ "

It hurt excruciatingly so knowing that despite her efforts to look good, she was dragging Levi down. The energy and anger coursing through Levi could all be seen in his eyes. She could also see the pain he was in though.

Levi was worried for her, beneath his angry exterior anyway.

Bláithín Hahn was an elite soldier and squad leader in the Survey Corps, someone people could put their trust in. She could only see herself as a liability. Cadets would salute her in the hallways and would look up to her for her skill, but she walked around as though she was a slave to those who actually gave a damn about their lives and wanted to be like them.

She gulped, sobbing in her hands. She shook her head, buried deep in her mental and emotional anguish.

She had cracked, split, and there was no going back.

"You better pull yourself together, Bláithín."

She shook as she continued to cry, but froze instantly as he brought his calloused thumbs up to her eyes and wiped away any new falling tears. She looked up at him but he seemed a bit distant. He was studying her closely.

"And never… _ever…_ "

He paused to collect himself and calm down.

"...purposely endanger yourself for such pathetic reasons."

From this moment forward, Bláithín promised to herself to not bring anyone else as close to her as Levi was. All he was doing was suffering with her. Her heart constricted in her chest as she looked at him, not able to stand seeing him in distress.

He let go of her now, and moved back. He got up and walked over to the foot of her bed.

He needed to calm down.

He had never spoken so much to anyone, really. Apart from maybe Kenny, but even then, he was reserved.

Grief and death had changed that man significantly, and knowing that Bláithín selflessly and excessively attempted to plunge herself into the grips of Death himself, scared the shit out of him.

He cared way too much to see her go.

He recounted back to yesterday, seeing her at her weakest in her comatose state. She wasn't recovering and Hange had said her pulse was slowing, that her body was getting tired.

"Levi, she said, attempting to defend herself. "I know you have lost many people throughout your life… but this is the nature of life in the Survey Corps."

Levi snarled. He had never been so worried yet so pissed off at the same time before.

"I'm sorry…" she whispered to herself.

"No apology will ever atone for what you have done to me, to Hange and to everyone else!" he spat. "For the past six days, we have come in only to see your cheekbones more prominent than the last. We had to see you cry in your sleep from the pain that you submitted yourself to in the first place. I had to give a second opinion to Hange when your pulse got slower and weaker… and you know what? I thought of my mother. She was only a couple days ahead of your current predicament."

Levi smoothed his bangs back.

"So how _fucking_ dare you ever assume that your actions aren't having effects on everyone else." He spat with malice, storming out of the room.

Bláithín was left in the room, shaken and miserable.

How could she be this naive? Why did she assume that all the while she thought she was being selfless, that she wasn't hurting those around her?

 _Foolish girl._

He had been with her, watching her slip further and further… only to not realize how far she had dragged him down with him.

"Come back…" she called back, voice laced with agony.

* * *

 _Please let me know what you thought! And thanks to the new people who followed and/or placed the story in their favourites. I hope you enjoy reading the story as much as I enjoy writing it!  
_


	16. Mothúcháin

**_A.N, 27/08/2019: As you guys know (or do not know?), since I am Irish and have given my OC an Irish name, I do want to give the titles Irish names. Sometimes Irish does this weird thing where the words make more sense in Irish than it does in English. Hell, sometimes I think the word sounds nice._**

 ** _Mothúcháin [mu-who-cawn] is the Irish for 'Feelings' (:_**

 ** _Slight nsfw in this chapter for you dirty rascals, because I know you love Levi just as much as I do ;) Nothing too explicit, just a fleeting dream. Don't worry, Blevi smut will come soon ;) I have a question to ask at the end!_**

* * *

 **Back at HQ:**

Upon recovering, Bláithín was promoted to _secondary_ Lance Corporal.

A person who chose to remain anonymous, though it was blindingly obvious as to who it was, let slip to Shadis that Bláithín was not mentally fit to own a squad. Shadis agreed whole-heartedly. Her current duties consisted of paperwork.

However...

"No, wait, I don't want that," Levi told Keith.

Shadis was preparing files and paperwork for a meeting perhaps with the higher-ups. He was stacking them all together when Levi questioned his verdict. "Are you questioning me?"

"Yes, I am. I came to say Bláithín is not in the right state of mind and to demote or do whatever to make sure she is without a squad. Not for me to step up and become _primary Lance Corporal._ "

Shadis just shrugged. "Yeah, I do see your point. We need Bláithín's physical strength but her depressive disposition will hinder her, and the Corps. So, you two will be promoted and you take her place as commanding the squad. End of discussion."

Levi groaned audibly and rolled his eyes. This was not the intention he had.

"Also, no soldier has entered the Corps showing your potential. You have a higher kill count than some of our higher ranking soldiers. It was only a matter of time before you got promoted." Shadis stated. "Besides, you get plenty of benefits."

And boy, was Levi blown away by the benefits of his new promotion. Perhaps it wouldn't be the worst thing that happened.

Shadis lead him to one of the spare bedrooms within the headquarters. One that would be his own bedroom.

For starters, the room was the same size of the dormitories that the cadets typically slept in. The room contained a much larger bed with pristine white sheets. It was neatly made and the pillows appeared to be fluffed too. The bedroom was furnished on a meagre budget but it was filled with more warmth than Levi had ever seen in many years.

He walked over to the walnut desk that had a wooden chair with it. He sat down and crossed his legs and the foreign feeling of seemingly authority washed over him. He suddenly felt a massive responsibility. He looked to his right and saw the bed, and to the left was a fireplace. It hasn't been used in a while; the heap of ash had built up from lack of use.

He made a mental note to clean it later.

He also imagined all of the tea he could make with the convenience of having a fireplace in his room.

"I'll forward the news onto Bláithín. She'll deal with the paperwork and a bit of the training here and there, but you will have your own squad to be one hundred percent responsible of," Shadis stated as he was about to leave, before walking back to him with a list with names on it, "These are the people I have made a note of. They are due to finish their stint in the Training Corps in a year from now, and have much potential of being some of the best Titan-slayers of our generation. You get to pick up to five people."

Levi nodded politely and took the list off him. He unfolded the list and read them to himself.

The names Oluo Bozado, Petra Ral, Gunther Schultz and Eld Jinn had a bracket drawn around them.

"Are they listed in order of skill?" Levi asked

Keith continued to venture out the door. "Yes, indeed. The circled four work very well together, all being close friends."

"I'll meet them all separately then and see if they are suitable," Levi said. Considering he just got a serious upgrade, being polite certainly wasn't a bad idea. Levi and Keith's relationship was very much neutral. Levi only really had a bone to pick with Erwin but it was long overdue for him to get over it. It was about time he started being respectful for the people who took him out of the Underground District; it was about time for him to realize that though he lost his best friends along the way after arriving here, that there was no guarantee how long he'd survive down below. "Thank you, sir."

Keith nodded and left.

Levi stood up and walked over to the fireplace, thoroughly examining it. If he bent down low enough, he'd be able to smell the charred ash from previous usages.

"How filthy." He commented with disdain.

* * *

 **~*~ Meanwhile, in Mitras ~*~**

There were observant individuals within the Walls. People who relayed information down the line. What may just be rumours to some, was crucial information to others. Often, these people relayed said information until it reached the Underground District and the black market. Although, not necessarily...

In rare instances, sometimes nobles relied on this service too. This service was built on confidentiality and trust, and seemingly, it could fall apart very easily if a person so wished. One wouldn't risk it though, lest he wanted to be hunted down for the rest of his life.

A man with fair hair, almond-shaped blue eyes looked out over his balcony. He sipped from his cup of china and sighed, wistfully. He spun around on his heel upon hearing a knock on his door, beckoning for the servant to come in.

"Lord Sven, I have an update on the situation at hand?"

Sven walked over to the door and left his office with the servant. The servant walked with him on his way down the winding stairs.

"Ah, yes, talk to me." Sven requested.

"The 'visitors' are due any time during the next two weels, four of them are coming. Should it all go to plan, you will be able to return to Marley once it is all complete, where you rightfully reside and are considered heir."

Sven flashed a toothy grin at the servant.

"Bear in mind that it would only be reasonable if these events unfolded one at a time. None of our families would evacuate in time."

Sven nodded as he walked towards the kitchen. Servants cleared the way as he sat down for breakfast. Before him laid an array of fluffy pastries, a pot of tea, a selection of citrus juices and he even had the opportunity to indulge in eating meat on the regular.

Sven always sat at the top of the table, his family sitting at the sides; he felt like he was in control this way. To his right, his elder niece used to sit there. She'd always eat very little, not really wanting to be around him. She'd have a cup of tea, a slice of bread and fruit and dash back to her bedroom.

Bláithín was the spit and image of his sister, Cecilia. Especially those blue eyes, they carried a lot of sadness.

They carried a lot of pain.

The fair-haired man shook his head.

 _No._

He did what had to be done; he had to follow his plan to the bitter end. Everyone would thank him at the end, right?

Bláithín was a hindrance to his plan, she was sent to Shiganshina where he hoped she'd have seen her fate.

Alas, she joined the military... so she wasn't out of his life for good.

Unbeknownst to her, there was a chain of people she'd have to defeat if she ever wanted to come into contact with her uncle again. Sending her off to Shiganshina was the easiest way to get rid of her. Should she defeat everyone before Sven... well, he'd be left with no other choice.

Sven would have to deliver the final blow.

As gruesome as it sounded, Sven was too hell-bent on seeing this plan through to the bitter end.

* * *

Bláithín was in her bedroom getting changed back into her uniform.

She was out of action for a long time, and wearing her military jacket and harnesses again felt foreign to her. She hadn't used her 3DMG gear for a while too, so now was a good time to go out and practice.

She walked out into the training grounds and tied up her hair into a ponytail. She inhaled the fresh air.

 _No more playing the tragic hero_ , she told herself, lest she wanted to be scolded by Levi again.

She shook her head to try to get rid of the memories of their argument. Levi hadn't spoken to her much recently and for some reason, she didn't know why. Him not speaking to her took up a part of her day normally. And now it's gone, and she missed him.

There, she admitted it. She missed Levi.

"Sheesh, I sound like a little girl who's been heartbroken." She said to herself.

She tapped on the metal canisters to see if she had a decent amount of gas to get her through this stint of training. Seemed like it; she was good to go. The Titan dummies were further ahead, buried in the forest that were located on the training grounds. Her walking turned into a light jog as she made her way over towards them.

She paused, sucked in a breath and shot a grappling hook into the nape of the wooden dummies. She allowed herself to soar through the air faster as she neared the nape. It stuck out like a sore thumb to her; she braced herself and drew her blades, holding them behind her at her hips. The wind today was blowing in her direction and used it to her advantage. Her eyes locked and closed in on the nape, bringing her blades forward and while spinning to provide momentum - she stole this move from Levi - she dragged the dual blades through and the target fell off.

A clean cut.

Perfect.

She smiled to herself and landed on a branch nearby. Even after being out of action, she still wasn't rusty, thankfully. She had always been a good soldier, certainly not the best, but she was alive after almost seven years... she must be doing something right. Only through blood, sweat and tears - a lot of tears - could she get to where she was. Bláithín never made it into the top ten, but that was never her priority.

She continued this routine, slicing the napes and doing acrobatics in the air with her gear. She loved the wind blowing through her face again, but she was starting to get worn out. Her movements were kinda sluggish; fighting against gravity even with the aid of gas, with heavy steel gas canisters stuck to your hips does a number on you physically.

She pierced the nape of the tenth dummy and dragged it through the nape. She flew off again, but the nape hadn't fallen off.

Shallow.

She watched this all while being airborne, and the urge to let disappointment consume her grew and grew. She gnashed her teeth together and cursed her luck. She let her head fall into her hands as she shook her head, letting out a few swears.

Before she even had the time to react, a flash of green flew past her and delivered the final blow. She gasped, shocked at the soldier's incredible speed, power and accuracy.

She smiled.

It was Levi.

He stared back at her and noticed her smile; it was a genuine smile. He softened his once hardened gaze and drifted over to her.

Her heart had been pumping a bit faster now, a blush rising to her cheeks. She allowed herself to feel this way, she wasn't going to try coax her heart to slow or anything. The aching void in her chest had closed up again.

She felt a feeling of fullness, akin to that of being complete. It wasn't a feeling she was used to, but she let herself feel it; the tingling in her stomach, the excitement in her eyes, the pink hue on her normally pallid cheeks. She rode the feeling out and felt it in full; the full she felt with him.

This new feeling was scary. What could it possibly mean?

It was, however, wonderful. It was delightful.

In the midst of this introspection, he had flicked her forehead and brought her back to reality. He didn't seem impressed by how distracted she was.

"Oi, dummy. Don't do this out in the open, you'll get eaten or worse, I'll have to drag your ass back home and-" he was interrupted when she threw her arms around him.

His breath hitched in his throat. He froze and didn't know what to do with his hands.

He had built up these walls so high, and brick by brick, she was taking them away, knocking them down.

It took him a few seconds to react again and reminded himself to stop holding his breath.

 _Breathe_ , he told himself.

His body loosened.

 _Relax_ , he told himself.

And he did.

He let his arms fall, so too his guard.

He let her hug him and his arms snaked around her back. He blinked a few times, trying to get used to this feeling. She felt so soft beneath him, like she was made of china; it was like Bláithín could get crushed and crumbled.

She was still a kid in his eyes.

She felt so good in his embrace too, almost _too_ good.

"I-I'm sorry," she mumbled, pulling away. She was so overwhelmed with happiness that she didn't even think before hugging him.

"Don't go cry a river on me, Bláithín. You look like shit when you cry." He said, coolly.

He loved ruining the moment.

He dusted off his shirt, as though his uniform had gotten stained by a mere hug. He couldn't get his heart to slow, nor could he stop staring at her as she allowed herself to drift down towards the ground. She landed on the grass with a soft _thud_ and looked up at him, her eyes beckoning him to come down. His gas canisters released and he allowed himself to fall.

To fall to her.

Fall to Bláithín.

Levi was _falling_ fast and he didn't know how to make it stop.

"Guess what I learned the other day," Bláithín beamed when he landed in front of her. He passed her a bored look. She bent down and picked up a little daisy that was sprouted before them. It had traces of pink coming out from the pollen and it stood tall, though the stem itself was quite flimsy and weak looking. "I was reading the other day and I found out my name, in a very old language, means 'little flower'. I wonder if my mother knew what it meant!"

She twirled the daisy in between thumb and index finger.

She smiled, and Levi stiffened at the sight.

Levi didn't see her smile often, and if he did, it wasn't out of genuine elation. But here it was, and he loved it.

This _little flower_ was beaming for the first time in front of him and Levi didn't know how to react. His gaze softened even further as he watched her, knowing that the same _little flower_ had been trampled on so much, and still stood tall trying to shoulder it all.

She noticed him staring and she placed the daisy in his hair, behind his ear before running off.

 _So beautiful_ , Levi said to himself.

...

His hands roamed all over her body, burying his face in the crook of his neck. He stifled his moans through hoarse whispers of sweet nothings.

She responded in kind and arched her neck up, begging for it to be kissed again. Seeing this, he moved his necks across her neck, finding the sweet spot. He didn't linger there and trailed his lips down the valley of her breasts. She let out a moan in response and his advances continued.

He looked up at her with a hooded gaze, eyes filled with lust. His normally expressionless face was now replaced with a totally vulnerable look; brows creased in pleasure, sweat beading at his temples, face twitching as he moaned and panted softly.

"Bláithín..." the voice whispered as he removed the final barrier between them. His underwear had fell to the floor and he positioned himself above her. Her arms laced together and snaked around his neck, bringing him down to place a passionate kiss upon her swollen lips. He brought a hand up to caress her cheek as he kissed her, over and over and over again. His floppy, sweat-ridden black locks framed his face beautifully as he inched closer to her entrance.

She awoke with a jolt and sat up immediately.

Bláithín Hahn woke up drenched in a pool of sweat.

"That was... Oh, my god. What. Wait... _**What**?_" she spoke to herself. She buried her face in her hands and wanted to sob from embarrassment, or frustration, or horror... or all three.

She just experienced a rather _intimate_ dream with a particular raven-haired man.

" _This is bad, this is bad, this is bad..._ " she scolded herself. The girl wasn't even all that experienced with being intimate but here she was, dreaming Levi rested on top of her. A tingling feeling was present in the pit of her belly and she wiped her forehead from the sweat.

She hopped out of bed and made her way towards the Mess Hall. A drink of water would do her good. She clambered into the open space and lit some candles by the entrance.

"Sheesh, you look disgusting," the aforementioned man spoke, "You look like you had a nightmare or something?"

Bláithín gasped at his presence. The amber glow from the candles illuminated his face beautifully.

God, I need to stop being such a girl, she told herself.

"Oh, do I see a blush upon those cheeks of yours," he teased. "What's that about?"

"Pffft, I don't blush." She scoffed.

"And I don't clean every environment I come across with disinfectant," he retorted, "What are you blushing for?"

* * *

 _If you like the fanfiction, do let me know what you think and consider favouriting/following (:_

 _Also, I would love to set up a tumblr for Blevi - a place where you can ask 'Bláithín' questions (or Levi if you want) about her/him or about their lives together. Currently trying to do fanart for them, let me know if you'd be interested hahaha! Let me know if you wanna see anything particular happen to our love-birds. A confession will come in a few chapters, don't worry. What do you think of the pacing? Is Levi OOC? Do you like Bláithín? I gotta knoooow - authors THRIVE on feedback!_


	17. Cogadh

_Recommended piece to listen to: O mio Babbino Caro by Puccini_

* * *

 _Forgive me everyone, second year of university is no joke omg. All I do is swim in assignments and unfortunately, had to push this behind on my list of things to do as it wasn't the highest priority. I have ached to write for so long. I wanted to make it up to you, so this chapter is going to be extra long! So do let me know what you think!_

 _Cogadh: Irish for war, pronounced like [cug-ah]_

* * *

Bláithín sat alone in the mess hall a few days later. She managed to dodge a bullet after Levi's question, passing it off as 'poor lighting' and dashed away. She had done her best to push that awkward moment out of her mind, but she couldn't...

Levi saw her blush. And he pointed it out.

She chastised herself for being so 'girly' and continued to drink the tea she made. Levi often sat with her these days, just basking in the silence. Sometimes they'd exchange looks or mumble a few things to each other but there was some sort of... tension. Or more awkwardness?

Levi sat down with her with a cup of black tea in his hands. He took a small drink out of it before sighing.

"What is it?" Bláithín asked.

"Doesn't taste great," he muttered.

Bláithín passed hers over. "Here, I'm not in the mood for tea anymore." She lied. She just wanted a conversation to flow again like it used to before... it flowed _somewhat_ anyway.

Levi's eyes widened marginally at her gracious yet nonchalant offer. The man was too good at reading. He gestured to the cup in confusion; it was full and hot, meaning she had made it only recently. She nodded, allowing him to drink it.

Bláithín always made her tea the way both of them liked it: a dash of ginger. Cinnamon if it wasn't available.

He took the cup in his hands - or his hand - and mouthed a "thank you" to her.

She smiled in response, crows eyes marking themselves by her temple. It was enough for Levi's breath to hitch in his throat.

She had blossomed quite a bit since his lecture to her at the hospital. She seems happier these days, at least around him. Almost as though all the boundaries between them were destroyed and now she is fully comfortable around him.

And he was proud of her.

A young cadet came along to the blonde. "Good morning Lance Corporal Levi and Bláithín," he said with a salute coming immediately after. "Miss, I have a letter for you."

Bláithín nodded and dismissed him. The letter had a red seal on the back of it and had a stamp saying it was from Mitras. Her eyes widened and she tore open the letter instantly. She smoothed the letter down on the oak table and read silently to herself. Levi studied her scrutinizing the letter, leaning back into his chair. Judging by her lack of reaction, it didn't seem to be serious, unlike most letters from her family.

He ever wondered would it be possible for her to not be a slave to the Hahn name.

 _Not unless she became the heir, I suppose_ , he mused to himself. Then she would be in charge and would not have to live in the shadows fearing for unspeakable events to occur. Though she was doing much better mentally, she never mentioned Elise again. He prayed to the goddesses that she wasn't bottling it down. She made him confirm her death, so she knew the truth despite him lying to her.

It seems unlikely at this stage to ever be free, for she probably wouldn't receive inheritance until her thirties at least. The girl was only a month shy of turning twenty.

Levi only then acknowledged how young she truly was. Not a teenager necessarily, but still, young. He would be twenty-six towards the end of the year. So young to experience so much from her messed-up family.

Bláithín looked up and sighed.

"What's going on?" Levi asked.

Bláithín looked blankly at him again. "I need to leave again." She announced, nonchalantly.

Levi took another sip of tea, averting gaze. "What for?" She looked back at the letter and decided to pass it over to him. He could read it, he knew enough about her messed up family to understand why. He read the letter carefully, his index finger trailing beneath the words as he read to himself. "I see... So, Eden was temporarily placed in an orphanage, but why does this concern you?"

Bláithín gulped upon thinking of her sister. How she only saw her once she gave birth to her other unnamed niece and the miserable state she was in. Would it have been possible to save her? Could Levi and her have taken her away, to live out the rest of her days and not have to be trapped in a loveless marriage and forced to have children against her will?

She shook her head in an attempt to dispel her thoughts. "Over a year ago, shortly after you came here, my sister came to visit. Eden would have been about one then. Elise said to me should anything happen to her, that I'd step in and take responsibility over Eden... As her godmother." She clarified. "Winter will be here soon, so I don't want to leave it too late. We can't have Shiganshina freeze over. I imagine I spend a few days in Shiganshina before coming back up here with Eden. Though I can't imagine what I'll do with her once I return."

Levi nodded. Leaving again, all because of her family, he mused to himself. "I suppose you better inform Commander Keith then."

Bláithín excused herself from the table and stood up before pushing her stool in. "That's what I'll do now." She walked away, but not before patting him on the shoulder.

With Bláithín gone for around a week, Levi's days as Lance Corporal would become harder. Between him meeting the four soldiers Keith spoke of some time this week and doing paperwork, he was a bit pissed off. But what he was more pissed off is that he won't have anyone to keep him company or someone to talk to, given that he wasn't particularly close with anyone else.

This will be one long week.

* * *

A few days rolled by and Bláithín was packed.

There was a crisp bite in the breeze outside as she put her cloak over her head. There was a slight freeze last night, icicles dangling precariously underneath window sills. Children were running around playing, wrapped up warmer than normal. This winter might be a tough one. Normally if the winter was going to be tough, the harvest could fail.

She placed her suitcase into the coach that the Commander kindly arranged for her, as well as her accommodation. Inside her case was ordinary civilian clothes that would last her a week as well as some of the money she had saved up over the years.

Her friends stood behind her, Levi too. She turned around

"Must you really wear your uniform?" Hange asked her.

Bláithín shrugged. "Just until I get there, so that the person in charge of the orphanage knows who I am. I sent her a letter saying I'd be there this week in the Survey Corps uniform."

"Our horses will have no problem getting there," Erwin told her. Wait, why was he mentioning horses? Wasn't she taking a coach. He saw her confusion. "Our horses would get there in no time for the upcoming expedition. You'll be taking a coach, so it'll be a day's journey."

Levi perked up at the word 'expedition'. He wasn't told of this excursion beyond the walls, was it meant to be a secret. "Erwin, when do we leave?"

Erwin turned to face him. "You won't be going this time, Levi. Keith and I figured that until you and your squad have met and formed the Special Operations Squad, it wouldn't be wise to send you out. It's a small-scale operation, anyway. We're only going out because the Garrison units based in Wall Maria have reported suspicious activity, more Titans are approaching the Walls these days."

Everyone nodded in response. Levi wouldn't be going this time, and that put Bláithín at ease. Speaking of the expedition, she wasn't asked either. Sure, she had gotten injured a couple of times on expeditions but over her seven years of being enlisted, she had a good track record. She had a high kill-count and her skill with 3DMG was phenomenal. She was a rare case in which she was thrown into the Survey Corps at a young age without having been enrolled in the Training Corps prior.

The training at times was certainly tough, but Bláithín was tougher. At times, anyway.

Perhaps the whole Survey Corps knew of her depressive disposition.

Maybe she was too useless to go on expeditions now...

Was she no longer valued as a soldier?

Maybe she was to be discarded... Is that why Levi had to share a role with her?

 _Yes, it must be_ , she told herself. She bit down on her lower lip as the agonizing thoughts tried to overwhelm her.

 _No matter what I do, I'm not perfect. I never will be. I'll always be a burden to those around me..._

Her intense thoughts were interrupted Hange, Erwin and Mike bid her goodbye but Levi remained. She felt a bit more at ease seeing him there.

"See you, Levi-" she was cut off guard when he grabbed her by her toned bicep. "Levi?"

"Be safe..." he told her. "And don't tolerate any shit from that brat," he said, stoically. She erupted in a fit of giggles. Levi could _never_ say anything sweet without something sarky coming after it. He cocked his head to the side as she calmed down. "I'm surprised, you don't seem to mind these inconveniences your family throws at you."

Bláithín pursed her lips. "If they were your family, would you mind?"

"Yes, a lot." He replied.

Bláithín tried to think of a response, but she couldn't. Levi was always right about everything. Here she was, on her way to help her family that did nothing but bring her down. It was her uncle abusive ways who left her an inordinate amount of scrupulous guilt over being born. Her sister, though unintentional, has shifted responsibility and now Bláithín is expected to become a parental figure for her niece. Bláithín was chained and rooted to her family, and she always would be. No matter how far she may run, she'd be caught out. If she hid, she'd be found. She was meant to go to Shiganshina for a reason those many years ago.

Would she ever be able to break free?

"...I suppose you're right." She spoke, softly. There was nothing else to say after that. Levi put his hands in his pockets and stood there idly. "I'll see you in a week. Say hi to the new squad to me on my behalf."

Levi nodded. "I will. Come back safely, you troublesome brat."

She smiled again, relishing those warm feelings he gave her that resided in her heart. She stepped inside the carriage and was about to knock on the ceiling of the coach when it appeared that Levi wanted to say something else to her.

"Look after yourself, Bláithín."

She nodded with a small grin and bid him farewell. She tapped on the ceiling of the coach and off she went.

Though she couldn't see it, Levi waited until it turned a corner, watching her leave once again. Stood for a few seconds and walked slowly in, back to his office.

* * *

Shiganshina was over a day's journey by coach. The journey was peaceful enough, except when she dozed off during the night only to be awoken like a jolt of electricity coursing through her when the hooves of the horse tripped.

What kept Bláithín safe from dying of sheer boredom was the big windows in the coach.

It wasn't often that Bláithín could enjoy the scenery. She remembered passing through a fishing village by the river that flowed through Wall Maria and Wall Rose. It was inhabited by young families and fishermen. They tend to supply the most fish to all the districts. Unfortunately, with the lack of large bodies of water within the Walls, fishing villages tended to struggle economically. Opportunity was rare here and education was limitless.

Despite its setbacks and limitations, Bláithín found it endearing to see communities look out for each other, and it wasn't just in this one fishing village. It was in many towns scattered in between Wall Rose and Wall Maria. In Wall Sine, everyone was out for themselves, and she hated that aspect of it. Sure the wealth was lovely, and her clothes were nothing short of exquisite, but the people up there were horrible.

Bláithín saw a young family outside her window on their way to a market. In between the mother and father was a young girl being swung by them, their hands cupping hers. They propelled her forward at rhythmic intervals, allowing her to jump further than what her body allowed. She giggled without fail each time.

Occasionally, the thought of having a child of her own but given her choice of profession, that would be very unlikely. But sometimes she wondered what it would be like to have a baby swell and grow in her abdomen... She wasn't sure if it was something she wanted as she never wanted to turn out like her own mother, who was seldom there for her when she needed her. If the goddesses were willing and she had a child, she'd like to be there for them and not miss out on his or her milestones.

Being buried in her thoughts allowed the time to pass swiftly. By the following afternoon, she had arrived in Shiganshina. The coach had pulled up outside the orphanage.

The coachman held his hand out for her as she stepped down from.

"Thank you," she said softly and bowed in thanks. She grabbed a hold of her trunk and turned to face him. "Did Keith say where I'd be staying?"

"Ah, yes, he did," he replied, "His directions weren't exact but he said it is around the block from the Jaeger household. The family there are on holidays somewhere else in the Walls, so the house is yours for roughly a week."

Bláithín pursed her lips, "The Jaeger family? As in, the doctor Grisha Jaeger?"

"Indeed, miss. Grisha came to national fame when he single-handedly cured the plague a few years back. The Jaegers live five minutes from the market square. People here are nice and will give you directions. Key was left outside."

She nodded in appreciation. He stepped back on his perch and snapped the reins.

She looked around before she walked into the old building. Shiganshina consisted of rustic cabins dotted the occasionally grassy ground. The town was a maze of narrow winding streets, as complex as the heart. The streets were the veins, paved with dark red stones, and the people were the blood. The sound of the smiths, beating swords and breastplates into shape, was the consistent and dull pounding that let you know the town was alive.

The orphanage itself was not as promising. It was a larger than average house but the house must have been little more than a glorified shed. The windows were gaping holes for the wind to rush in and out through, and the door hung on it's hinges at a jaunty angle, although now it was really just a frame. It was a rotting heap, bowing down, subservient to the elements.

She bit her lower lip as she approached the front desk inside.

"Uh, hello," she greeted, "my name is Bláithín Hahn, sister of Elise Hahn. I am supposed to be taking Eden with me."

The woman at the desk nodded and called for one of the caretakers in the back. She had Bláithín sign a good few forms and by the time she was finished, another lady came out with her brunette niece and another girl beside her who was a few years older.

Bláithín was puzzled and walked over with her arms out to pick up her niece.

"Here is your niece, miss. To my right is Poppy, she's become quite close with Eden."

Bláithín held Eden, the toddler's weight on her hip. Eden began to squirm in her arms but with a few gentle 'shhhh's from her aunt, she quietened down eventually. Poppy turned away when the blonde tried to look at her. Poppy looked no older than the age of seven.

Poppy was unhealthily underweight, her ribs poking through her dress. It made Bláithín question the safety of this orphanage, but she wasn't here for that now. She had curly, tousled black hair that fell down below her shoulder blades and button nose. Bláithín had never seen a seven year old bond with a two year old, but she wasn't going to judge.

"Uh..." the caretaker began, "Poppy is rather shy and is very idle unless she's trying to help take care of Eden. She was abandoned around two years ago now so she's very reluctant to open up."

Bláithín felt a twinge of sadness in her heart upon hearing she had been abandoned, just like her in a way.

"If I took her away for a few hours each day until Eden and I return to Wall Rose, would that be okay? Just so they get a proper goodbye?" Bláithín inquired.

"I suppose it's no problem, it involves more forms though."

Bláithín nodded and signed one more form. Once all was settled, she had Eden in one arm and her trunk in another and Poppy was asked to walk beside them.

Bláithín talked to Poppy here and there, asking her what her favourite things to do were and what she liked to eat. The caretakers were right when they said she wasn't talkative but she did warm up very slowly. She loved to draw and pick flowers, and her favourite thing to eat was vegetable soup with bread. Bláithín figured that if she wanted Poppy to have a nice last week with Eden, she'd have to be nice to her too. She agreed to make soup tonight for them all to eat.

The three stopped by the marketplace. Market stalls lined the route selling all types of things: meat, fish, bread, fresh fruit and vegetables. Bláithín placed a few copper pieces down at the stall of an old lady who had a wonderfully bright, toothy grin. She had bought leeks, ginger, strawberries, carrots, onions, celery and potatoes. At the corner of her eye, Bláithín noticed a stash of something akin to a bunch of herbs. "Excuse me, miss, but what are those?"

The woman pivoted and looked over. "Ah, they are tea leaves. I have black, chamomile, green, oolong and white. Would you like some?"

She thought back to her tea-loving, grouchy squad member and thought it would be nice to bring something back. He wasn't too impressed at the fact that she had left him for a week, so maybe nice tea would alleviate some of the tension she may experience when she gets back.

"I'll take some black, chamomile and some green, please!"

After getting some directions to the Jaeger household, it wasn't long before Bláithín and the two girls found the house she was staying in for a week. She let Eden stand on her stubby legs as she searched for the key. The key was resting under a potted plant. She opened the door and allowed the girls to toddle inside.

She had no idea where these motherly instincts of hers, thus far, had been coming from. Was it something she was forcing, due to the fact that her mother was so absent throughout her childhood?

Well, maybe.

Poppy made a dash towards the back of the house. Bláithín gasped and picked up Eden in a hurry and ran out behind her, concerned about what she was about to do. "Poppy! Get back here, what are you doing?!"

"There's a garden!" she cheered.

Bláithín, surprised, followed her out. It wasn't a big garden, but it was cute. Flowers grew in the corners and stretched out towards the centre. Ivy was clinging to the walls on the outside of the brick house, coming in and out of the cracks. She turned around and noticed Poppy was already picking up daisies, roses and tulips. The blonde placed the toddler on the ground and let her free to roam.

"Poppy! Maybe don't pick up the flowers, they aren't ours, remember?" Bláithín called out. She began to walk over to Poppy and knelt down beside her.

"But there are so many, the owner would hardly notice." Poppy replied.

It was hard to discern if this was her naivety or if she had a tendency to take things that weren't hers. Poppy was right though, the garden was full. She really did like flowers. Maybe taking a few wouldn't hurt...

Bláithín picked up a rose that had the least thorns and plucked the stem away. She placed her thumb on the raven-haired girl's chin and gestured her to look up at her. She placed the red rose behind her ear and it complemented her green eyes beautifully. "Do you like flowers too?" the girl asked.

"I do." Bláithín said, smiling softly. She took a hold of the girl's hand as she guided her back inside, but not before picking up Eden in the other.

The blonde placed the paper bag of groceries down on the kitchen. She had rushed outside to catch up with Poppy that she hadn't stopped to take a look at the interior.

The kitchen was decently sized and it was connected to a dining room. It was a grand space, to say the least. The huge mahogany table took up most of the vast space the dark, intimate room offered. Two tall, silver candelabras commanded attention from the center of the table, holding smooth white candles whose wax never dropped. There was a set of cabinets to store things and behind the table was a fireplace. There was a basket of wood and some coal next to it, but the fire had been set and was ready to light now.

"Poppy, will you go play with Eden in another room while I make dinner for us?"

The girl nodded and lifted the toddler up. Poppy was so malnourished that she had trouble lifting Eden, but she struggled on.

Bláithín went over to the sink and filled the pot with water up to the brim. She rooted around in the cupboards until she found a box of matches and lit the fire, before letting the pot hang over it. While waiting for the water to boil, she began chopping up the vegetables she had bought. Once everything was cut up, she walked into the living room to check up on the girls.

Poppy and Eden _did_ get along well. The black-haired girl was gently spinning her in circles and Eden chortled in laughter. Bláithín sat down with them and opened her arms wide for Eden for her to come over. She was still an unfamiliar face, but Eden toddled over a few seconds later. Bláithín wrapped her arms around her and gentle peppered temple with kisses. Eden passed her a toothy grin and crows feet were stamped by her eyes.

The blonde returned to making dinner. Once the water had boiled, she poured it into the pot with all of the vegetables and stirred continuously for around half an hour. Eventually, there was a custard-coloured, thick broth and it was ready to be served up. She fetched three bowls and poured some into each before bringing them to the table. Poppy and Eden followed.

Bláithín sat Eden on her lap and had a go of Eden. According to Poppy, she was able to feed herself but often enjoyed being fed, too. It made no difference to Bláithín or Eden; food was food. It tasted better than what she had anticipated, but she wasn't going to complain. Bláithín made plenty of of 'airplane' gestures and Eden ate with gusto. Poppy ate up and even asked for a second serving.

Towards the end of the evening, after Poppy had been walked home, Bláithín drew a bath for Eden. She dragged a cloth through the water after she poured a few drops of soap in. She gently washed her, scrubbing away any dirt that the orphanage failed to spot. Eden babbled and splashed around and Bláithín could only smile.

After around twenty minutes, the suds had disappeared into the water.

"You ready to get out?" Bláithín asked.

"Yeah!" Eden cheered.

After drying her and finding a set of clothes for her, she dressed her in pajamas and the two went to bed.

Bláithín slept that night facing Eden. Even with the room shrouded in darkness, she could still see her sister's almond-shaped eyes and high nose bridge. Elise's hair was wavy, but the blonde could tell that the toddler's curls would eventually straighten out.

It wasn't long before Eden fell asleep beside her and Bláithín rested her hand on her cheek, her thumb rubbing soft circles under her eyes.

 _Oh, how I wish your mother was here_ , she said to herself.

* * *

 _Trost HQ, Wall Rose, a few days later_

Levi woke up bright and early. After drinking his black tea with ginger, he went back to his office and put his cloak on. He had no reason to spend too long relaxing in the Mess Hall without Bláithín to talk to.

And Hange was relentless with her teasing given that he was less talkative without her.

Levi began walking out to the courtyard and Hange pranced behind him, jumping with joy.

"Oh, Levi, you have it _so baaaaad_." She sang.

"Say one more word, Four Eyes, and I will personally cut your tongue off." He spat.

"Okay, Levi~" she sang again, "You going to meet your squad now?"

Levi grunted in response as he approached the four soldiers. They saw him and saluted him immediately, which was met with a dismissal from Levi, followed by a, "At ease, soldiers."

Levi eyed them all with painstaking detail. They presented themselves well; hair was combed nicely, they looked like they had enough self-respect to make themselves look respectful before their superior-to-be. All was going well until he spotted one soldier with curly, mouse-brown hair wearing... a cravat. It's not that a cravat was Levi's signature fashion piece but this guy, whoever he may be, did his research.

And Levi did not know how to feel about that.

"As you are all well aware, my name is Levi... You do not have permission to call me by my first name as of now. I expect professionalism. I was promoted very quickly to Captain and I can't say I am fond of it, but now I have the responsibility of owning a squad. Let me make this clear: you may have impressed Keith, but it is ultimately _me_ who decides if you should stay in this squad, or if you should leave. And make no mistake, _I'm not easily pleased._ "

He stopped and eyed them all individually.

"I expect you to be skillful. You must be sharp, quick, reactive. A suspicious nature is important in this line of profession. _Do I make myself clear?_ " he asked.

"Yes, sir!" they all cried in unison.

They knew the routine. They were expected to go into the field and slice dummies. Not necessarily points-based system he was working off of, but Levi was paying close attention to accuracy and speed. They had already assembled their gear and with Levi's signal, they made their way over to the training grounds.

"Sir?" a female voice squeaked, "Isn't there meant to be a second Captain in charge? Where are they?"

"Your name?" Levi asked, walking two feet ahead of her.

"Petra Ral, sir."

"Well, Petra, if you must know the other Captain is away for family reasons. Your other captain, Bláithín Hahn, will be back in four days." Levi answered.

There was a brief pause before Petra asked another girl. Levi took the time to look at her. She had auburn hair and her eyes were as wide as plates; she was threatened by him?

"Is she nice, sir?" she asked.

It took Levi a few seconds longer than what he would have liked to answer, but he came through in the end. It wasn't even a detailed answer. "Yes, she is nice, Petra. Perhaps too nice."

* * *

 _Shiganshina District, Wall Maria, one day later_

Bláithín had dressed Eden in a floral dress and a pair of slip-ons. They were on their way to see Poppy again. When Poppy skipped merrily out, Bláithín thought it would have been nice to go out the gates that connected Wall Rose and the Shiganshina District together. In Bláithín's was a basket carrying food, namely the strawberries she bought.

Today, the squad leader wasn't wearing her uniform, but a nice dress-shirt with a long, flowing skirt that went beyond her knees. The type of clothes she would have worn in Sine, though downgraded a tad.

The three sat down on a patch of grass at the end of a hill. She looked up behind her and saw a boy no older than the age of ten fast asleep with a bunch of sticks discarded around him and a girl next to him diligently picking them up. The girl didn't seem too pleased.

Poppy was already picking up flowers when Bláithín turned around again. She had picked up some pansies, tulips and hydrangeas.

"Poppy?" Bláithín called out.

"Mhmm?"

"Do you know how to make daisy chains?"

Her face said that she had no idea what they were. Bláithín picked up Eden and left Poppy for a few minutes to go pick up the daisies with the longest stems. She plopped back down and explained to Poppy that with her sharpest nail, she slices a slit down the stem and how that allows you to feed another daisy through it. After a few minutes, Bláithín made a chain long enough to sit around the girl's neck. For a girl who loves flowers as much as Poppy deserves a daisy chain necklace at some point in her life.

The three munched on some strawberries together shortly after, sunning themselves too while the weather was good. Eden seemed to get more strawberries around her lips and cheeks than inside her mouth, but she's two and a half. It didn't matter too much.

The countryside-like area they were in stretched before them like a great quilt of golden, brown and green squares held together by the thick green stitching of the hedgerows. It rose and fell like giant waves on a gentle ocean and was dotted with animals from farms nearby. The sun was a radiant, all-watching eye, its light creeping into every corner, bathing the whole world in a warm glow. And underneath this peaceful, they laid completely carefree, for hours.

It was moments like these that Bláithín would cherish forever.

Unfortunately, it wasn't going to be peaceful for long...

Bláithín held Poppy's hand and Eden in her arms straddling her hip as they walked back to the house she was currently inhabiting and Shiganshina was awfully quiet for no reason.

There was absolute stillness. No air stirred the grass or leaves. No clouds drifted in the sea of blue above. No water dripped or flowed. Not a sound could be heard either close at hand or in the far off distance. Even her own breath seemed to die as soon as it left her mouth. It was an eerie sort of tranquility.

The three were almost near the centre of the town. The only sound filling the air were the children giggling. Other than that, it's like everything ceased to exist.

 ** _BANG!_**

A bolt of white hot lightning broke the eerie stillness of the district. The force was so strong it made the whole district shake; people were thrown in the air while others lost their balance. Bláithín toppled over but made sure to fall on her bottom to protect the two year old.

Bláithín didn't like the sound of this as she urged them to dash towards the centre to what was happening. "Poppy, stay close to me!"

Bláithín looked up the walls and noticed thick, heavy smoke billowing into the sky. More people ran over to see what was happening. Before anyone could process what was happening, there was a loud, resounding crunch against the wall. Bláithín couldn't contain her fear or panic anymore.

A large, fleshy, red hand had started curling around the Wall...

 _No, this can't be possible_ , Bláithín told herself, there can't possibly be a Titan who exceeds the height of the Wall. Titans are no more than twenty metres at best...

The behemoth Titan peered sinisterly over the Wall. There was no skin like a regular Titan, just pure muscle and flesh. The ground started to rumble once more and Bláithín held onto Eden tighter than she thought possible. In that split second, she pivoted on her and rushed back to her house before she could see anymore.

This was real.

This was happening.

Today will be a day where the smell of blood lingers in everyone's minds.

She placed Eden on the floor hurriedly and started to assemble her gear. If she was going to have any hope of survival, she'd need gear. Once all of her braces were on, she picked up Bláithín again.

 _ **BANG!**_

Bláithín dashed over and shielded Eden with her body, her back arched in a semi-circle to receive most of the impact. That explosion was even louder. Once the tremors had stopped, Bláithín rushed over to the window and let out a horrified gasp upon seeing houses being crushed by huge boulders. That Titan kicked them?!

She picked her niece up again and ran out the door only to hear one more, final explosion.

Another boulder heading straight towards her.

Bláithín held the toddler close to her chest as they were lifted off the ground, tossed into the air and flew from impact...

* * *

 _Let me know what you think! Remember feedback helps writers grow! Anything you'd like to see? Is Blevi moving too fast? Let me know!_ _ ***showers you in Levi plushies***_ _Also really tempted to set up a tumblr for Bláithín and Levi, like an in-character page where you can ask 'them' questions! Would anybody be interesting in that?_


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